I'm Still Here
by CassieTheWriter
Summary: On the swings during Watershed, Kate ends it. But when Castle gets a call from a DC hospital three months later, Kate Beckett once again turns his world upside down. *Entry for the 2015 Summer Hiatus Ficathon!*
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey everyone! Here is chapter one of my entry for the 2015 Summer Hiatus Ficathon! I've wanted to do this for a while, and this year I decided I was ready to go for it! Please let me know your thoughts, and I hope you enjoy it :)**

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His phone was lying on the desk in front of him when it began to vibrate, the display on the screen lighting up. He hoped for just a fraction of a second that it's her, but of course, it isn't. It has been exactly twelve weeks to the day since Kate Beckett ended their relationship to go to DC, and he was left with an engagement ring and a broken heart. Now, he sighed wearily as he reached for the squalling device, not even noticing the significant 202 area code. He barely had the energy to deal with the phone these days, but he was forcing himself to carry on as if nothing was wrong. He supposed somewhere deep down he hoped it would go away on its own eventually, the constant hurt he felt, the pain that flooded him with every heartbeat, the regret and anger that he felt every time he thought of her. But mostly, he hoped that the love would disappear someday. He could live with the pain, he thought, if only the bone-deep, undeniable, all-encompassing love he had for her would just go away. Then maybe he could be okay again. If only she didn't hold so much of his heart.

"Rick Castle," he said as he answered the call.

"Hi." The female voice on the line was unfamiliar. "I'm Grace Moretz, and I'm a nurse at Providence Hospital in Washington, D.C."

It was a sudden rush of emotion that filled him as she spoke. _Washington D.C_.The words struck him like a punch to the gut, a sudden shock that left him whirling. His first thoughts were, as always, of Kate.

"Is she okay?" he asked, his question a rush of whitewater, quick and blurred together in his haste to know the answer. Grace Moretz hesitated, possibly from the surprise his immediate question elicited when she hadn't even yet told him why she was calling.

"I'm calling about a Katherine Beck-" she began, only to be cut off by the man on the phone, this Richard Castle, with his impatient tone, laced with what Grace, if pressed, would have to identify as fear.

"I know who you're calling about," he said. "Is she okay?" There was definitely a hint of desperate fear in his voice, which he was doing a very poor job of concealing.

" , I think you should allow me to finish," she implored, but he sighed, his breath creating static in the phone speaker.

"Will you please just tell me if she's okay or not?" he asked. Grace sighed now too. She didn't know what there was between her patient and the man on the phone, only that he was her emergency contact. That, and the fact that he now sounded near tears at even the prospect of what Grace could tell him.

Now she _really_ wished she wasn't the one making this call.

"No, Mr. Castle," she said gently. "She isn't okay."

It was exactly what he'd feared, those words that the nurse had just spoken to him. _She's not okay_. He was so angry with Kate, so hurt, so confused. And he wished more than anything in that moment that he didn't care. He wished that he could shrug it off, scoff at the nurse and mutter something about Kate deserving whatever she got, and hang up the phone then and there. He wanted so desperately to be able to do that. But he couldn't. Because his heart was hammering and he was nearly shaking with fear for the woman he loved more than life, despite everything. He was filled with the need to be with Kate, to do something- _anything_ \- that would help her. His imagination was already getting the best of him, coming up with twisted scenarios in which he envisioned all sorts of awful things having happened to her, and he pinched the bridge of his nose, holding back tears.

"I'm on my way, I'll be there as soon as possible." He hung up then, not wanting the nurse to explain anything just then. He supposed it could be better for some to know a thing like that, to hear the details as opposed to going on _not_ knowing. But for Rick, the fear that the truth was too much to handle overcame the fear of the unknown and he simply hung up. He preferred to hope for something she could come back from, preferred to imagine that during the flight to DC over asking Grace Moretz for more information, in case she was about to tell him that Katherine Beckett was-

No. He refused to even consider it. That word would not come into play. Not now, and not ever if he could help it. He shook his head like a dog ridding its ears of water, shaking with it the thought that he refused to let himself think. He reached for his wallet. The worn leather contained everything he could think of that he needed right then, aside from the traitorous device he'd already slipped into his pocket and the moleskine notebook he would pick up as he left. The wallet held the money he would need for a plane ticket, and two photographs. One was of his mother and daughter, taken several years prior, the two redheads smiling at one another. It was a snapshot that captured their relationship perfectly, catching the familiarity and love in their gazes as well as the trust that was obvious, the inside joke they'd just shared apparent even in the still image. The other photo was of Kate. In it, she was sitting on the steps in her apartment, a book open in her hands, her fingers caressing its well-read pages. If memory served him, which he was quie certain that it did, the book was _Anna Karenina_ by Tolstoy, in its original Russian. Kate, dressed in casual clothing, her long waves down, looked happy as she was perched there, her gaze and her smile directed not at him, but at something on the other side of the room, something which the photo did not capture. Now, Rick didn't know what Kate had been looking at, and he wondered about it briefly as he grabbed the notebook and headed for the kitchen. He had looked at the photo a thousand times at least, always enraptured by her open and carefree expression, the obvious happiness in this version of his Kate, who, he realized again with a sudden but familiar pang, was no longer his. And now, he couldn't even be sure she would ever again be anyone's at all.

"Richard, darling, I have a question for you!" Martha's voice struck a nerve in Rick just then. How could anyone be so happy? Why was everyone not as fearful and on edge as he was? He reminded himself that she didn't know, she couldn't have any way to, and he bit his tongue so as to avoid snapping at her.

"Not now, Mother," he said. His voice was tense and Martha's expression darkened immediately.

"Richard?" she asked. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "It's Kate, and she's in the hospital, that's all I know."

"Kate?" Now her tone caught his attention. He turned to meet Martha's eyes. Her expression was guarded and he couldn't read what she was thinking.

"Yes, Kate," he confirmed. Martha sighed.

"Richard, you cannot be seriously rushing to that woman's aid yet again?" Her tone implied that, while she clearly knew the answer, she was hoping it would be anything but. Rick paused. He was torn. All he wanted was to go, to be on the next flight to DC and be by Kate's side as soon as possible. But, his mother was clearly trying to make a point here, and it seemed to be one she thought should be obvious to him. But it wasn't. He had no idea where she was going with this, and his patience was waning thin.

"What's your point?" he asked. "Of course I'm going." Martha stared at him, wondering how anyone so smart could be so stupid at the same time.

"She doesn't deserve you, Rick," she said. They stared at one another for a moment.

"I know that," he said quietly. "But Mother, I don't deserve her either. And neither of those things make me love her any less. I'm going."

Seat 14b.

That was where he found himself as the Delta Airlines plane lifted off from JFK. He sighed as he looked out the window, watching for a few minutes as New York City's familiar skyline became distant and the city, along with its eight million inhabitants, eventually disappeared from view altogether. When all his window offered were clouds, he turned away and pulled out his notebook. He'd opted for a seat in business class, not caring at that point about the luxuries first class could offer him. He saw no point in them, at least not today. Flipping to a blank page, he uncapped his pen and the tip hovered over the first line for a few seconds before he touched pen to paper and began to write.

 _My Dearest Kate,_

 _I'm on a plane, on my way to you. I don't know what I'll find when I get there. I have no clue what's going on, or what's wrong. I just know that I have to get to you. I have to be there, no matter what happens when I get off this plane. When we land, I'll be in your city again, and it would thrill me, if not for the dread I'm feeling in the wake of that phone call._

 _I want you to know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for whatever I did that made you not want to tell me about the interview in DC, and I'm sorry that I reacted so harshly when I did find out. But most of all, I'm sorry that, by letting you walk away from our life together, I inevitably allowed myself to be distant from you, and in that, prevented myself from being by your side during whatever took place that put you in the hospital. I'm so sorry, Kate._

 _If I had it to do over, I would change so much about our last days together. I wish, now more than ever, that I could. I wish I could've seen then what I see now; that the worst thing I could do was to choose then to stop fighting for you. I always have fought for you, because from the very beginning I could see that you, above anyone else, were worth it. You, with all your walls and mystery and damage and darkness, have always been worth every scratch, every wound, and every heartbreak. I never doubted that you were worth it all, and more. Not even in the last three months of regretting every step we took that brought us to that final day on the swings. And now? Now I regret it more than ever._

 _I love you, Kate. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone, outside of my daughter. I don't know what it is about you that I can't let go of, because believe me, I have tried. I just know that you are so extraordinary, and I know that I love you. I can't explain it. You frustrate me, challenge me, hurt me, and break my heart, over and over. But I still love you. I can't do anything to stop myself from loving you, and I don't know why. But I've given up trying to make it stop, because at this point I know I can't. You're irresistible despite it all, and I find that, ironically, the fact that I can't stop loving you is one of the things I love most about you._

 _I'm so angry with you. I am so incredibly angry with you for walking away. I have struggled for the past twelve weeks with why you would abandon us-abandon_ _ **me**_ _-like that. Like we were nothing compared to your big DC job. Like I was of no importance to you after everything we'd been through. After all those years I waited for you, I still struggle to understand how you could possibly justify walking away. I never had the chance to finish, Kate. I never got to tell you why I wanted you to meet me at the swings. You were gone before I could. I was going to propose to you, you know. I was going to move forward, I was going to take that next step. I wanted to show you where we were going, and it was more than the bedroom. I wanted it all with you. Everything. Because you're so worth it. I was willing to endure all of it, for you. How could you walk away from everything we were without even letting me get there? I just want you, Kate. All of you. I wanted the rest of our lives with you. And you tore that away before I even had a chance to tell you. And I don't understand why._

 _But I love you. I still love you just as much as I always have, Katherine Beckett. Despite the hell you've put me through, I love you more than you know. More than even I know, I think. More than I even realize is possible. And this time, I'm here. I'm not letting you push me away again. As long as I get the chance, as long as I'm not too late...I'm yours now. Forever. Because I love you._

 _Always,_

 _Rick_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you for the incredible response to this story! I'm so excited to continue it! You guys have been so kind in the reviews; thank you so much! A note to Guest reviewers, though: Please please please log in! I know it's a pain sometimes, but guest reviews are sooooo frustrating for writers. If you have something to say, be it positive or negative, please log in to say it! I want to be able to reply to you, no matter what your opinion is! It's so hard for me when I read a review and have no way to thank the reviewer for it.**

 **O**

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Rick watched DC come into view the same way he'd watched New York fade away; from the small window beside seat 4b, with fear and love and anger and so many other emotions in his heart. When the plane landed, he went straight from the terminal to the exit of the airport without ever having to say a word to anyone else. He caught a cab and spoke for the first time since entering the plane, only to give the cabbie the address of the hospital, which he'd looked up on the plane. Fifteen minutes later-some of the longest minutes of his life-the cab pulled up outside the brick facade of Providence Hospital. He handed the cab driver the money he owed for the ride and stepped out of the vehicle into the bright September sunshine. He took a breath, his mind racing even more with the impending answers to the questions he wasn't sure he wanted answered. He took a moment to steady himself, focusing on the images that gave him the most comfort-those of his Kate, the Kate who was sassy and smart and confident and sexy and still so innocent in a breathtaking way. The Kate who was in love with him, who was at times carefree and who found joy in little things. When he felt that he was as ready for whatever awaited him inside the imposing brick building as he could be, he exhaled and walked forward, taking the most crucial of steps on any path; the first ones.

Inside, the air was cool, as hospitals are prone to be. Castle wondered idly why that was. Perhaps to keep people awake? Or perhaps, he thought, simply because hospitals were cold places. More times than not, a hospital was not a place that connoted warmth and light and all things joyful. It was a bitter reminder that he was here because something was wrong. Something was wrong, not only with _someone_ , but with _her._ And that was not something warm. He approached the desk, unsure where to start. He was in the Visitor's Entrance, and wasn't sure how much help the volunteer at the desk would be, but knew he had to start somewhere.

"Hello, dear," the older woman said cheerfully. She smiled at him in a grandmotherly way, and he forced himself to smile back at least a little. "Is there something I can help you with?"

"I certainly hope so," he replied. "I'm looking for my..." he hesitated,suddenly unsure what to say. What was Kate to him now? The love of his life? Yes. The woman who broke his heart? Yes. His ex-girlfriend? Yeah, you could say that. His ex-partner? Sort of, except he's not a cop. His muse? Sure, since she wasn't around to break both his legs.

But none of these were things he could say to this kind-looking volunteer. Not and have her understand. He was struck by the realization that there was nothing he could ever say to anyone, let alone a stranger, that would allow them to understand what Kate Beckett was to him.

"My friend," he said finally, settling for a very simple answer to a question that delved much deeper than this woman-Olivia, according to her nametag- could ever know.

"I think I need a little more information than that," Olivia chuckled.

"She's...I don't know what floor or anything," he admitted helplessly. "I-I live in New York, and she moved here a few months ago, but I'm her emergency contact, and I got a call from here-from a nurse, um...Grace Moretz? And so I came, but now I don't know where to go." Olivia raised her eyebrows. The handsome man on the other side of her desk looked a mess. He was clearly very torn up about something, and if she had to guess, she'd say it had something, if not everything, to do with the "friend" in question. The "friend" he'd just flown here for, at the drop of a hat, it seemed.

"What's her name, then?" she asked. "I can look her up for you." Rick nodded gratefully.

"It's Katherine Beckett," he said. His heart was hammering. What was Olivia going to find when she typed Kate's name into her computer? He held his breath without even really realizing he was doing so.

"She appears to be in ICU," Olivia informed him softly. Rick nodded. He was torn between relief-she was alive- and fear, because ICU was bad.

"What floor is that?" he asked.

"Six," Olivia replied.

"Thank you," Rick mumbled, and then he was gone. Olivia looked after him until he entered the elevator and she could no longer see him.

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On the sixth floor, the air was, predictably, cool. Castle barely noticed now, making a beeline for the nurse's station. A nurse turned to him.

"Can I help you?" she asked.

"May I speak with Grace Moretz?" he asked, praying that there hadn't yet been a shift change.

"That's me," she replied with a smile. "What can I do for you?"

"I'm Richard Castle, you called me earlier about Katherine Beckett?" Grace's expression faltered for a moment before she rearranged her features into a smile.

"Of course. Your flight was okay?" she asked.

"Where's Kate?" He wasn't up for small talk. He just wanted to know where Kate was, and what had happened to her.

"Come with me, sir," Grace Moretz said, turning to walk down a hallway. She led him to an empty waiting room, which was small and furnished sparsely, with only four chairs and a tiny side table on which magazines fought for space and traction, seemingly on the precipice of sliding right off into the tiled floor.

"What happened to Kate?" he demanded.

"She was in an accident," Grace began, fiddling idly with her name tag, which was clipped to her peach colored scrubs.

"What kind of accident?" he asked immediately, not giving her time to continue.

"It was a very severe car wreck," the nurse said. "She appears to have been on her way home from work when it happened. A black SUV collided with her car, and she was flipped several times. The damage to the car was immense, and she is very severely injured." Rick found himself struggling to breathe. He needed her to be okay. After everything she'd been through, a car wreck? His brain wrestled with the thought.

"Is she going to be okay?" he asked.

"We can't say for sure," she admitted. "She sustained many broken bones, and we had to go in and repair some internal damage as well. She did also sustain a blow to the head, the impact of which we won't know until she wakes up. However, the doctors are hopeful that she will make it."

"Is she sedated?" Castle asked.

"Yes," Grace replied. "The doctors are actually planning on lifting the sedation this evening. The wreck occurred yesterday evening, surgery was performed last night, and you were contacted this morning," she recapped for him. "So they're planning on trying to lift the sedation in a few hours."

"And then?" Castle inquired.

"Then..." Grace began, "Then, hopefully, as long as she's aware, they're going to try and take her off the respirator." Castle nodded, trying not to let himself become overwhelmed.

"Can I see her?" Grace nodded.

"She gave you full permission on the forms, so you're in the clear," she answered, obviously glad to be able to say something positive at least.

"So where is she?" he asked.

"Right this way," the nurse replied instantly, leading him down the hall once again. "I do have to warn you, she looks pretty rough," Grace cautioned.

"I don't care," he snapped immediately.

"No, sir, I'm sure it makes no difference," the blonde nurse assured him. "I simply wanted you to be prepared, okay?" Castle nodded curtly, beyond caring what this woman thought. He just needed to see Kate. Despite all the hurt and anger he still held for her, he loved her, and she was the most important thing right now.

The pair reached the door to Kate's room, and Grace smiled slightly at him.

"The doctor will probably be in to talk to you at some point," she informed him. He didn't bother answering her. He just turned the knob on the door, his hands shaking.

Inside, he shut the door quietly behind him. The only sounds in the room were the _whoosh-whoosh_ of the respirator and the constant steady beeping of the heart monitor. He steeled himself for whatever he was about to see, and then turned. He stood there for a moment, gazing at the figure in the small hospital bed. He didn't know quite what to make of it. This woman, she was definitely in some resemblance of Kate,but...she was so different too. She was so small, as if she had simply shrunk. As if the spirited parts had been stripped away and all that was left was this shell of the woman he loved. The wires and tubes were disconcerting as well, and he fought the urge to turn and leave, the irrational hope that it would all turn out to be a dream. But he stayed where he was, knowing it was very real, regardless of how nightmarish. So he swallowed hard and took several hesitant steps forward, toward the bed. The whole place smelled of antiseptic and medication, which he found nauseating. Or maybe that was just the general feeling that came with this whole experience. He took a deep breath and took the last few steps to stand next to her. Her skin was pale, close to the color of the starched sheets, and her hair was a stark contrast to the white pillow. He noticed she'd gotten it cut since he'd last seen her, and reached out to run his fingers through it gently. That's what did it, he realized later; the feeling of her silky dark locks between his fingers. Tears that he'd been holding back all day rose to his eyes and he couldn't contain them. They slid down his cheeks, finding solace in the crevices of his face, disappearing in the laugh lines that reminisced of a happier time, a time when he laughed almost constantly. The salty substance found its way into every pore in his cheeks and he didn't bother to wipe them away. It was some time before the tears subsided and he sank into the plastic chair beside her bed.

"Hey, Kate," he whispered, reaching for her hand, careful to avoid the IV that was inserted there. "I don't know if this is one of those things where you can hear me or whatever, but...here I am." He exhaled, sounding shaky even to his own ears. "I don't know if you even want me here, since you left and all, but they called and I came, so I hope you're okay with that when they wake you up. You're going to have to be okay with it, because I'm not leaving again. I'm not going home, Kate." He studied her for a moment, the way her chest rose and fell in synchronization with the sound of the machines. It all seemed to work in perfect harmony, together to keep her alive. And suddenly, he was very grateful for those machines, even for their annoying noises that now seemed more like a comfort than an irritant. He reached up to cradle her cheek in his palm.

"I missed you, Kate," he whispered. He leaned forward, pressing a light brush of his lips to the dark bruise that splattered across her porcelain cheek. He brushed her hair back from her face and sighed.

"I love you, Beckett."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: You do not even know how much time I have spent for the past two days attempting to fix the damn formatting on this chapter. So. Much. Frustration. Okay, carry on.**

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"Are you Richard Castle?"

He turned at the sound of a voice from the door, to find a female doctor, with long dark hair pulled into a bun and a white lab coat.

"I am," he replied. She smiled, rows of white teeth that seemed too straight on display for him to see.

"Good. I'm Molly Andrews, I'm Katherine's doctor," she said.

"Kate," he corrected automatically.

"Kate, sorry," she amended. "I'm here to lift the sedation and go over a few things with you."

"Okay," he agreed.

"Okay, first of all, you call me Molly. sounds stuffy. Secondly, you need anything, you let me know and I'll do what I can. Now, Kate here is my number one priority, and from what Grace tells me, she's yours too, am I right?"

"Yes," Castle replied.

"Good, we're on the same page. Whatever she needs in order to get better, we're going to do our best to give it to her, okay? And since you know her better than anyone here, I'm going to be relying on you for some things, yeah?" Castle nodded as the doctor fiddled with one of Kate's IV's, extracting the needle and patching the spot with a piece of gauze and some medical tape, her movements practiced and nimble.

"Alrighty, then," she said, turning to him. "What name do you go by?"

"Either Rick or Castle is fine," he replied.

"Ooh, Castle. I like that one, we'll go with that," she decided. "Are you related to Kate?" Castle shook his head.

"No, we were partners back in New York. She was a homicide detective, and I'm a mystery novelist. It started out as me shadowing her for research, but then we fell in love. We'd been fighting it for a few years, but eventually gave in. We'd been together for a year when she got this job offer in DC. I...long story short, I was going to propose but she beat me to the chase and ended it. We, um, we haven't spoken since." Molly Andrews didn't miss a beat.

"Well, that'll be a fun situation in a couple of hours, then," she stated cheerfully. "Good luck, big guy." She winked at him, patting his shoulder. "Pleasure meeting you, Castle. When our girl here wakes up, press the button and try to keep her calm." Castle nodded in understanding.

"Okay," he agreed. Molly smiled at him and then she was gone, leaving him alone in the room with Kate. He couldn't think of anything to say, and was somewhat grateful when his phone began to vibrate in his pocket. He extracted it and saw his daughter's photo flash across the screen.

"Hello?"

"Did you seriously fly to DC for her?"

Alexis cut right to the chase. Castle couldn't help but cringe a little. He'd been hoping to avoid this conversation, but had known all along it was a stupid thing to hope for.

"Yes," he replied. Alexis sighed, and he could picture her running her fingers through her hair in frustration. It was a habit she'd picked up from him; it certainly hadn't come from Meredith, who couldn't handle even a single hair out of place, ever.

"Dad, I don't get it," she said eventually. "I don't understand why you continually subject yourself to the hell she puts you through." There was frustration evident in her voice. "Why can't you just walk away? Screw Kate. She's not worth this!" Rick looked over at Kate, still unconscious on the bed. This woman had indeed put him through hell; there was no denying that. She was so complex, with more walls than half the world's cities. And yet, he couldn't imagine ever not loving Kate Beckett. She was a disaster, no doubt. But she was his disaster, a beautiful mess that he loved and had promised himself he would not abandon. There had been too many women in his life whom he had loved and whom he had given up on eventually. He had promised himself a long time ago that he wouldn't let that happen with Kate. He had vowed that, no matter what, he would never walk away from her. And he wouldn't. No matter how angry he may be, he could not walk away.

"Alexis, I know it doesn't make sense to you," he said. "It doesn't make much sense to me either. And I am so angry with Kate; I am. But this is something I have to do, regardless of what anyone thinks. I'm sorry, but I've got to trust myself on this one; no one else." There was a moment of silence on the phone.

"Okay, Dad," she sighed. "It's your mistake, you make it how you want to." There was a clicking sound as Alexis hung up and Castle lowered the phone from his ear. He slid it back into his pocket and looked over at Kate. He sat in near silence for close to an hour before she showed any signs of life other than the slow rise and all of her chest that he'd been observing since he had gotten there. It started with a fluttering of her lashes, which, after so long of staring at her too-still face, caught his attention. There was a moment of panic in there somewhere; she was about to wake up, and she would find the man she'd walked away from. He didn't have a clue how she would react to that, and he found himself in fear of it for the first time since he'd gotten the call back in his study at home. He had no idea what he would say to her. But, it seemed, now was not the time to wonder about it,because her eyes were open now and her fingers had tightened around his.

'Keep her calm,' Molly had said. Rick reached out to press the call button and then turned his attention back to Kate.

"Kate," he murmured. She turned her gaze to him, meeting his eyes. He realized suddenly that it had been three months since he'd made eye contact with her. He pushed the emotion that accompanied that thought to the side, telling himself that now was far from the time. He could see the panic beginning to form in her eyes, and reached out to gently brush his fingers through her hair.

"Hey," he said softly. "I know you're scared right now,alright, but you're okay, I promise. I need you to stay calm for me, Beckett. You were in an accident and you're in the hospital. The doctor will be in soon to take that tube out, so just stay calm until then, okay?" He fought to keep his voice soothing and quiet.

Molly came in with a nurse, and she gave him her big, out-of-place-in-an-intensive-care-unit smile, and then directed it at Kate.

"Morning, Sunshine," she chirped. "How's It going in here, Castle?"

"Well, she's awake," he replied, unsure what else to say. He was certain he sounded most unhelpful, but Kate's waking up was quite the only thing that had happened since Molly had left.

"Okay, Kate," Molly began, "My name is Molly, I'm your doctor. It's good to see you awake. You ready for us to take that tube out?" Kate nodded her head affirmatively, and Molly smiled agn.

"Great. When we pull it out, I need you to cough really hard for me, alright? Castle here will help you lean forward." Kate nodded again, her eyes flickering to Castle. He'd spent so long learning the emotions in her gazes that he immediately recognized the cry for reassurance in her hazel irises. He felt a surge of...hope, maybe, that she would be happy he was here. He pushed the thought to he side quickly, not wanting to dwell on the possibility.

"I'm right here," he assured her instead. He reached out to help her lean forward when she was ready, and Molly nodded.

"Okay, here we go," she said. She began to extract the tube and Kate's frame convulsed slightly, curling forward as Rick carefully supported her. She coughed as the tube was extracted, and shuddered when the machine was free of her body. She gasped for breath, squeezing her eyes shut tight. Castle gently assisted her in leaning back against the mattress.

"How are you doing, Castle?" Molly asked, patting his shoulder again. Were he not so focused on Kate, he probably would've been grateful for the doctor's mannerisms. As it was, he simply nodded, never once taking his eyes off Kate, as if he were afraid that she would disintegrate if he looked away. "Castle."

Her voice was barely audible; hoarse and scratchy.

"I'm here, Beckett," he murmured.

"I'm going to give you some pain medication, okay?" the nurse said. Castle watched Kate closely. Her reaction to the idea of pain medication would be a good way for him to gauge how much pain she was actually in. When she simply nodded her head in response, he knew that it was very, very bad. He subconsciously began to rub circles on her hand with his thumb, a movement that was more muscle memory than decision based.

"How are you feeling, Kate?" Molly asked.

Kate just shook her head, and Castle felt that internal battle begin again; the struggle between wanting to remain angry, feeling more than justified in being angry with her, and the deep emotional pull of seeing her like this. He was caught somewhere in limbo between the two extremes. On one hand, he wanted to walk out, to just let Kate lie in the bed she'd made for herself. But on the other? On the other, he wanted nothing more than to gather her up in his arms and hold her close, to keep her safe and loved and secure. And he knew it would take a lot to discern which extreme would prevail in the end. For now, he realized as he watched Kate fall asleep again, he would have to find some way to balance them both.

For her and for himself


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait, and thanks for sticking with me! Credit to Angie ( dtrekker) for awesome cover art! :)**

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Kate had never been one to go back on her decisions. Ever. She was, and always had been, the kind of person who was so inherently stubborn that going back and changing her mind once she'd put her foot down was like suddenly being able to speak fluent Latin.

Right now, she had to admit that Latin was sounding really nice.

With Castle holding her hand and murmuring reassuring nonsense to her every time she woke up, Latin was sounding less and less unsettling by the second. She'd left, of course. She'd run from the best thing that had ever happened to her. Sure, she had her reasons. Reasons which nagged at her now. He shouldn't be here. He couldn't stay here. He had to go home.

But...he _was_ here. He was here with her, this beautiful, wonderful man. Even after she'd abandoned everything they were, he'd come when she needed him. It was such a bold and clear display of his character, so very _Castle_ of him. It was one of the things she loved most about him. And his presence served as a reminder of that, along with all the other things she loved about him.

The way his skin felt on hers.

The way he always had the words to say whatever she needed to hear.

His instinctual protectiveness of her.

His ability to laugh.

His smile.

So many factors all coming together to form the man he was. The man she'd fallen in love with. She wanted to hear his voice again. Maybe it would distract her from the pain. The pain...it was bad. She could barely breathe without it hurting. But somehow, he managed to make it just a little bit better.

She opened her eyes and found him watching her again.

"Hey," Rick murmured.

"Hey."

"Need anything?" he asked. Kate shook her head.

"No. You should probably get some sleep, though." He was pale and his eyes were dark. There was a layer of stubble shadowing his features, giving him a rugged, unkempt look that she knew some women liked. She wasn't one of them. She found that it was nothing but disconcerting to see him like that; a clear opposite of the light man he was, really. He shrugged his shoulders.

"I'm good." Kate studied him. She wondered how much of that darkness in his eyes had already been there before he'd come to DC. She wondered how bad it had been since she'd left. And then a thought struck her suddenly. What if it hadn't been bad at all? What if it had been good since she left? There was a certain level of panic that came with that thought, and Kate momentarily forgot whom she was with. She forgot about the fact that he could take one glance at her and know how she was feeling. That is, until he squeezed her hand lightly to get her attention.

"Beckett." She met his eyes.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked. She held his gaze. Those blue eyes of his, the ones she'd loved since before she knew him, were different now. They were darker and more serious, and suddenly Kate wondered if she even knew this man. Or if, perhaps, she was kidding herself. He probably didn't love her at all anymore. He was probably so fed up with her, he was just waiting to get out of here. In fact, he had probably already called her dad and was just waiting for Jim to arrive before he left.

"You should go," she said. In the space of two minutes, she had convinced herself that he didn't love her and it would be better for everyone if he left. But at her words, his eyes suddenly narrowed and he pulled his hand back.

"No." His tone bled with finality, that innate stubbornness that she had forgotten he possessed.

"What?" she asked.

"I am not, under any circumstances, going anywhere," he declared.

"Why?"

He sighed in apparent exasperation for her density, scrubbing his palm over his face before raising his gaze to hers.

"Because you are so stupid. You're a total idiot, Kate." She stared at him, confused.

"I am?"

"Yes! You are. You're so stupid. You left. You walked away from everything before I had a chance to even tell you why we were on the swings in the first place!" Kate stared at him.

 _'Why we were on the swings in the first place_ '? She wondered what he meant by that, and allowed her mind to wander back to that day in mid-May, when she had given up her whole world.

 _She was burning up in her leather jacket. A heat wave had hit New York City that week, and Kate was cursing herself for wearing the stupid thing. She got out of her car, and immediately spotted him, sitting right where she'd expected, on the swing. Waiting for her. He always seemed to be waiting for her. She knew what she should do, and even though her heart was shattering at the thought, she steeled herself mentally for what she was about to do to him. No matter how much she wished she didn't have to, she told herself over and over that it had to be done._

 _"You just have to do it, Kate," she told herself. So, with a heavy heart, she approached the swings. He started to say something, but she couldn't listen to it. She knew that if she let him go on, it would be too hard. She would never get through it if she let him talk. If she let him tell her whatever he was saying, it would be too much. She couldn't do that. So she cut him off._

 _"Castle," she began, "I'm sorry, but I need you to stop." He paused, glancing at her. She avoided his eyes, knowing it would only make it harder. "I have to stop you. Whatever you're about to say, don't. It's not quite worth it."_

 _"What do you mean?" He sounded nervous now, and she hated herself for it._

 _"Castle...Rick," she said. "I'm sorry. I love you, but this job is really important to me, and I have to go." Castle stared at her. She forced herself to meet his eyes, knowing she owed him that. It was a decision she regretted instantly. His eyes were swirling with emotion, and he looked absolutely devastated. "I can go-"_

 _She cut him off. "No, you can't," she argued. "I'm sorry, Rick, you can't."_

 _"Kate-"_

 _She did, then, on that sunny day, what Kate Beckett did best. She ran._

Now, she looked over at him, and she wondered, for the first time in weeks, what he'd wanted to say to her there on the swings. She'd never really allowed herself to wonder, preferring to act as if it had never happened in the hopes that maybe someday it would all be better. Maybe someday Rick Castle would be not a daily ache of regret, but instead merely a distant memory. So far, no luck.

Especially not now.

He was looking at her, and she knew he was angry. She could see it in his eyes and his posture, the way he held his breath and his expression became guarded.

"You know what, Kate?" he said. "I am so much in love with you. I love you more than you will _ever_ know. You have meant the world to me for so long, and you have put me through hell. You have absolutely walked all over me. You have broken my heart so many times I stopped trying to count. You have been purely hellish, and you have made my life so incredibly difficult. And I wish more than anything that I didn't love you the way I do. Because all I want to do is walk out of here. I want to more than anything. I want to get out of here, I want to go back to New York and never look back. But you, you have no idea how much of my heart you have." And with that, he turned and left the room.

Kate wondered if he had actually left. She could only wonder for a moment, because she found herself completely and entirely drained by the encounter. After pushing the button that would allow her more medication for the searing pain making its way through her body, Kate fell asleep once again.

Rick was sitting in the chair beside her bed a couple of hours later, right where he'd been for the majority of the previous two days or so. The hospital staff had been understanding and helpful, and those who weren't in the beginning had come around with a bit of fiscal encouragement. He had all the essentials there, and the permission to use Kate's shower. He had no reason to leave the hospital at all, and, additionally, no plans to. Now, he watched as Kate began to fidget in her sleep. Her lashes fluttered but she didn't wake up, and her fingers moved in her slumber. He observed in silence as she became more and more apparently agitated. Her head turned side to side, and lines appeared on her forehead. He kept quiet, not doing anything. At least, until he saw tears begin to slip down her cheeks and her expression became more tortured than he could bear. He reached out to cradle her cheek in his palm, calling out to her. After a while, her eyes opened and she struggled to catch her breath. She seemed distracted and disoriented, and he gently swiped a tear away with his thumb, causing her to turn and look at him.

"Rick."

He was angry, yes. But every moment with her was like a chip away at his anger. She was a bit of a force over him.

"Hey," he murmured. "Bad dream?" Kate nodded, squeezing her eyes shut. She reached out to him, what she wanted entirely clear to him. Her hospital bed was sitting up at an angle, and Kate was slid over to one side. He gingerly perched next to her, and she hesitantly reached out to him, not sure if she should or was allowed to. He carefully pulled her to him, and she broke down, curling into him as best she could with her injuries.

"I thought you had left," she whimpered.

"No, no," he soothed. "No, Kate, honey, I'm here. I'm right here," he reassured her.

"But you were so angry."

"Yes," he agreed. "I was, and I still am to a point. But I told you that I love you, Kate, and I meant that. I'm not going to leave you, not even if you want me to."

"I dreamed that you were dead, Castle." He felt a pang at her words. He knew that the lucid version of Kate would never admit to these things. But for now, her facade was down and she was vulnerable, relying on him.

"Shh," he whispered. "Shh, Kate. It's okay. I'm here. There's nothing to be afraid of, okay? I'm here." She buried her face in his neck and clung to him in a way she very rarely did.

"I'm so sorry, Rick," she sobbed. "I'm so sorry."

"I know," he murmured, running his hand up and down her back. After a few minutes, he helped her to rest back against the bed, when he felt her begin to get heavy with sleep. She stirred at the movement, and opened her eyes to look at him, reaching out for his hand.

"Stay," she breathed. He leaned forward, pressing his lips to her forehead gently.

"Don't worry, Kate," he whispered. "I'm here, I'm not going anywhere." She turned her head to the side, forcing her eyes open for just a few more seconds.

"I love you, Rick," she breathed, and then she was asleep again.

"I love you, too, Kate."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hey again! So, a note on this story; I am not a doctor, nor am I a nurse or any kind of medical professional. I want to be somday, but for right now, I'm a sixteen-year-old high school junior. I'm trying to keep any medical information to a minimum, so I don't look like an idiot by saying things I don't understand. So, if any given info is wrong, or if details in that area seem lacking, sorry! Also, this chapter begins a series of turning points in this story. If anyone seems OOC, it's because I wrote them that way. I'm exploring, as a writer, the effect of something like this on the personalities and outlook of a person. Okay, enough rambling. Let me know what you think of this turn of events!**

* * *

Kate woke up to find that Rick had, yet again,somehow managed to fall asleep in that awful chair next to her bed. It had been five days since her accident, and he'd never left the hospital, not even once. He'd been wearing scrubs he'd begged off the nursing staff, which, as they were peach in color, made him look ridiculous. He didn't seem to care very much. Again, her reasoning for leaving nagged at her. It rose to her mind every time she looked at him. He needed to go home. But he'd made it very clear that he wasn't going to do that, no matter what she said.

Apparently, he was extremely stubborn.

The truth of the matter was, she really didn't want him to go home anyway. She wanted him here. With her.

The pain was still bad, but it was manageable. Her injuries were no picnic, but she would fully recover in due time. The dreams, on the other hand...those were bad. More times than not, she would awake in tears. Castle, for his part, was exactly what he'd always been: a steady force, there when she needed him and when she thought she didn't. Constantly reassuring her, sometimes with words and other times, simply by his presence, that he was there and not going anywhere.

Now, she reached out to run her fingers through his hair as he slept, hunched over on her mattress. He stirred after a few moments of her ministrations, and blinked up at her owlishly.

"Hi," he yawned.

"Hey," she said apologetically. "Sorry I woke you." He shrugged his shoulders.

"I would've woken up soon anyway," he said. "Not the best place to sleep." He shot her a wry smile, and she shook her head.

"I can't believe you've been sleeping there," she said.

"Why not?" he asked.

"I guess I just...I know it's got to be uncomfortable, and you could leave at night." Rick raised his eyebrows at her.

"And then who would be here when you wake up at night?" he asked, easily, as if it were the simplest thing in the world for him to say.

"I could manage on my own," Kate insisted.

"I'm sure you could," he agreed with a nod. "But you don't have to, so why would you?"

Kate stared at him.

"I don't understand," she said. He looked rather amused.

"It's not a very complex concept," he replied.

"No, not that," she said dismissively. "I mean, I don't understand why you are being so...so nice to me."

"Kate," he began, "I'm being nice to you because I love you and because it's a part of who I am. But, mostly, and this is something I really need you to know," he continued, "I'm not doing it so much for your benefit as I am my own."

"What do you mean?" she asked him.

"It means that I'm being nice to you because I told myself a long time ago that I would be. I decided that I loved you, that you were worth the fight, and that I wasn't going to allow myself to leave. So I'm not necessarily being nice to you because you deserve it, I'm being nice to you because I promised myself I would."

"You're right, you know," she said quietly after a moment. "I don't deserve it." He smiled, ruefully and a little bit sadly.

"You don't think I know that?" he asked. "Believe me, Beckett, I'm well aware that you don't deserve it." His words were biting, his tone bordering on harsh.

"I'm sorry," she said softly.

"Yeah," he replied curtly.

"Rick, I-"

"Don't, Kate," he said. "Please. Just don't, okay?"

She fell silent at his sudden change in demeanor. The room was silent for a while, save the sounds of machinery and their breathing. Rick, who had wandered over to the window, sighed heavily as he sat back down in the chair.

"Sorry," he mumbled. "I shouldn't have gone off on you." Kate laughed mirthlessly.

"Castle, you've got nothing to apologize for," she said. "Really. I'm the one at fault here."

Castle shook his head slowly. If only she knew. If only he could somehow go back to that day and make her listen to him, make her understand. If only he could go back and keep her there on the swings, just long enough to tell her everything, to ask that all-important question. In his silence, he eventually looked up, only to find that Kate had fallen asleep once more. Even though it was going on a week since her accident, Kate still couldn't stay awake for very long. He knew that, as she became more and more aware, it would become extremely frustrating for her.

For now, he, too would sleep, while he could.

This time, it was not a nightmare that woke her. Rather, it seemed to be the absence of a certain someone that did it. Looking around, she could see that he was in the bathroom, judging by the light filtering from the gap between the bottom edge of the door and the tiled flooring. She waited, wondering if he was alright. She couldn't place why she even had the occasion to think he wouldn't be, but brushed it off.

Several minutes later, he came back out, and in the dim lights, she could see that his eyes were puffy and red-rimmed, a clear indication that he'd been crying.

"You okay?" she asked softly. He jumped at the sound of her voice.

"Kate. I...didn't realize you were awake," he replied. She shrugged.

"Just woke up." She studied him for a moment. He was obviously distressed, and she couldn't help but wonder why.

"Rick." He raised his eyes to meet hers, and she held his gaze there, the room alight with the energy of it. It was absurd, such an energy being present in this kind of an environment. It was a hospital room; it was supposed to be cool and distant and anything but this...right? Then again, many of life's most intimate moments happened here. Birth, death, that life-changing diagnosis, the truest and most raw of emotional tests happened here.

"What's wrong?" she asked. Castle sighed.

"I'm fine, Kate," he said.

"Liar."

He shook his head.

"Kate, come on," he pleaded. "It's late, and-"

"And clearly neither one of us is sleeping," she pointed out.

"Maybe if you weren't talking, we would be," he remarked.

It was such a Castle thing to say, so very light and reminiscent of the best days with him. Kate couldn't help herself. She laughed. He froze for a second, caught off guard by her laughter, and then a smile crept onto his face. And when Kate continued to laugh, it lit up his eyes, too.

As her laughter subsided, he found that the room felt lighter. They looked at each other for a moment, smiling tenderly at one another.

"It's so good to hear you laugh like that, Kate," he murmured.

"It's good to see you smile like that," she replied.

"It's because of you."

"But I only laughed because of you," she countered. He shook his head.

"We're not going to get anywhere like this," he admitted.

"No," she agreed. She reached out, her fingers ghosting over his cheek, where tear stains were still evident. He turned his head and kissed her palm gently.

"Hey," she whispered.

"Hmm?"

"Talk to me, Rick," she pleaded. "I know I don't deserve it, but please?" He reached out to her, and took her hand.

"I...I guess I was just having some second thoughts that turned themselves into bad dreams," he told her.

"About what?" He paused, watching her.

"About you. About being here. I guess I never stopped to think that maybe there was someone...here, you know? That maybe I really do need to go home and leave you alone." He smiled sadly. "You left, and I guess I realized maybe there was a reason for that. That maybe you have built a life here that I'm not a part of, and maybe I'm holding you back." Castle took a deep breath.

"So, Kate, while this is so hard for me, you know I love you, and I want what's best for you. So if you want me to go, tell me, and I'll fly back to New York tomorrow." Kate could hear the sorrow in his voice at the thought of it.

"I do want you to go."

His face fell, and she was quick to continue at the devastation in his eyes. She reached up, carding her fingers through his hair.

"Rick, look at me," she urged. He did.

"I do want you to go," she repeated. "But I want you to take me with you."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hi again! Wow, two updates on two consecutive days! If that throws you for a loop, it's just because I'm visiting my grandparents and enjoying a wonderfully laid-back lifestyle for the moment. So here you have it. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Jim Beckett makes a (sort-of) appearance, and he's a wonderful character whom I cannot get enough of, so I'd love to hear what you think of my portrayal of him! Thanks for reading and reviewing!**

* * *

"I...what?" he managed.

"I want to go home, Castle," she replied.

"With me?" he asked, more for clarification than anything. She nodded.

"Yes. I know that's asking a lot of you, all things considered, but I..." she trailed off, and he saw her eyes flicker with remorse and regret.

"I'm so sorry, Rick," she said. "Really. Walking away from you was just about the stupidest thing I've ever done in my entire life, and I'm so sorry."

"I know you are," he murmured.

"And I know it's a lot to ask of you, to take me back to New York, with Martha and Alexis especially." She smiled ruefully. "I'm sure they both hate me," she added. "But Castle, I don't like it here," she divulged. She met his eyes and he could see how truthful she was being. "I hate it. I hate the politics, the tiptoeing around things, the grey areas." She hesitated, lowering her head and falling silent for a moment.

"Kate?" he prompted. He squeezed her hand lightly. "Talk to me." She met his eyes again, holding back tears.

"I miss you, Castle," she confessed. "I know I have no right. I know it's all on me, but, God, Rick, I miss you so much it hurts sometimes." Tears slipped past her boundaries and fell from her hazel eyes; Rick reached out to cradle her cheek in his palm, brushing a stray tear away with his thumb.

"Hey, hey," he soothed. "Shh. Don't cry, okay?" He smiled slightly at her. "I hate it when you cry." She nodded and he moved his fingers through her hair.

"Are you sure you want to come back with me?" he asked. She nodded affirmatively.

"I'm sure," she said.

"Okay," he agreed.

"Okay?" she repeated. "You're okay with this?" Castle moved to sit next to her on the bed. He took her hand and made eye contact with her. "Kate, I can't promise you this is going to be easy, okay?" he began. "Actually, I can pretty much promise you it won't be easy. But if you're willing to work with me, and let me help you, then I'm willing to go to the ends of the earth with you."

"I am willing," she said. "I know I've screwed up more than just a little bit, but...I'm willing to do anything I have to do. Besides," she added, "I'm going to need a lot of help until I'm healed. If you're...if you're willing, that is." She had lowered her head, gazing down at their joined hands, resting on top of the blanket. He gently raised her chin so that she was looking at him.

"I'm more than willing," he said softly. "I always have been." She managed a small smile for him.

"No more tears, okay?" she said. He smiled.

"No more tears," he echoed. "We should both try and get some sleep." Kate nodded, and Rick leaned forward and kissed her head softly. His fingers ghosted lightly over the bruised on her forehead.

"These are looking a little better," he mumbled.

"Mmmhmm." She hesitated, seeming on the verge of asking something.

"You can ask me anything, Kate," he reminded her softly.

"Will you please not sleep in the chair?" she asked. Her words were rushed.

"I don't want to hurt you, Beckett," he said. She scoffed in amusement.

"Oh, please, Rick, you don't move an inch once you're asleep." He laughed.

"That's true." He paused. "Okay. But you promise me, no matter what, if I hurt you at all, you tell me and I'll move, okay?"

"Okay," Kate agreed. Rick resituated himself and Kate leaned her head against his shoulder.

"Hey, Rick?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you." There was really a lot resting in such a seemingly simple statement. A lot of history, a lot of heartbreak, a lot of pain, a lot of love. Rick could think of only one way to respond to it. He turned, pressing his lips to her temple.

"Always."

* * *

"This is Jim Beckett."

"Jim, it's Rick Castle." Silence on the line.

"Rick. Is she okay?"

Of course. He would immediately know that something was wrong. Why else would Rick Castle be calling him? Especially after his daughter had left New York, including the man she loved.

"She's okay." Castle was quick to reassure him. "She was in a car accident several days ago, but she's going to be fine."

"Are you in DC?" Castle was pacing back and forth outside Kate's room, unconsciously running his fingers through his hair.

"I am. Apparently I was her emergency contact." There was a part of him that was worried that maybe Jim would be angered or upset by the idea that Rick was her emergency contact now as opposed to Jim.

"Good. That's good," Jim replied.

"It is?" Castle couldn't help but sound a little surprised.

"Yes." Jim sighed. "Rick, you and I both know that, no matter what your relationship is with my Katie, when it comes down to the wire and she needs you, you will always be there for her. She may not always be able to express it, but Katie knows that, too." Rick remained silent, listening to Kate's father. He'd always had a level of respect for the man. Despite his faults, it was obvious from the very beginning that Jim Beckett loved his daughter and would, at this point in his life, go to the ends of the earth to do what was best for her. He had a quiet wisdom about him that Rick respected in a lot of ways, an ability to think things through and come to a solution that would work, or at least could be the foundation to build a solution that would. Jim was, for all his history and his downfalls, fundamentally clear-headed and warm-hearted. In Castle's opinion, a worthy combination.

"Speaking of which," Jim continued, "What is your relationship with Katie these days?" It was a trickier question than it may have seemed. Castle took a moment to mull it over.

"Honestly, Jim?"

"Always, Rick."

"Okay. I love your daughter, more than anything, except for maybe _my_ daughter. I would do just about anything for Kate. You know that."

"I do," Jim agreed.

"And I don't really know _what_ we are right now, but I do think that this accident is changing her perspective on things. And last night, she asked me to take her with me back to New York."

"Under what conditions?" Jim inquired.

"None, as of yet. She says she wants to go home and she claims she's willing to let me help her."

"That's...either very scary or very impressive," Jim said slowly.

Rick couldn't help but agree with that assessment. It was indeed one or the other. Which one, he hadn't decided yet.

* * *

"Hey guys."

Molly Andrews smiled her bright smile at them as she came into the room. It had been a week since the crash, and while Rick could see improvement in Kate's stamina and her bruises, there was still a long ways to go in the recovery process.

"Morning, Molly," Rick said.

"Are you enjoying your peah scrubs, Castle?" she inquired, winking at Kate when she laughed.

"Very much so," Castle replied. "I think they compliment my skin tone quite nicely." Molly and Kate both laughed.

"How are you doing, Kate?" Molly asked.

"Not too badly," she answered. Rick narrowed his eyes at her. There was something in her tone that struck him as odd. Molly continued with her daily mini-exam of Kate, and then smiled at them both again.

"Good news, Kate," she said. "As long as nothing goes wrong tonight when we remove your stitches, you will be free to go the day after tomorrow." Kate and Rick smiled at her as expected, but there was something about the way Kate squeezed his hand that wasn't quite right.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: So, here we go. Third day in a row that I've updated. Nice, isn't it? Business first: A note to two of my guest reviewers, Kara and Alisa. I really don't like doing this publicly, but as you won't log in, I kind of don't have a choice. If you're going to say things such as "Kate gets a pass for being a b****", "Jim Beckett expects Rick to be there for her like the pathetic puppy he is" and "I wish Castle would leave her there to rot", I would really appreciate you not reviewing at all. I believe in constructive criticism of my writing. If I make a mistake, please correct me. However, if you continually have only negative things to say, I'd prefer you just didn't say them. What you're saying is of no help to anyone. It isn't encouraging, nor is it needed. So if you don't like what I'm doing with the story, please just don't read it.**

 **Sorry for that, everyone. Moving on...Thanks for reading! Also, my character Molly Andrews returns in this chapter. Forgive me for this, because I created her, but I ADORE her. She's wonderful, in my opinion. Okay, I'm done talking.**

* * *

"Rick, stop worrying," Kate laughed. "They're taking stitches out, not performing open heart surgery. I'm going to be fine, okay?"

"But-"

"No. Stop," she insisted. "Stop it. I'm fine." Rick looked at her anxiously.

"But what if-"

"Rick, come here," she said. Her tone had softened and she reached out with her good arm. When he was close enough, she trailed her fingers from his elbow down to his hand, clasping her fingers with his.

"Why are you worried about this?" she asked. Castle sighed.

"I just...you sounded off this morning and I don't want you going in there if something's wrong. That's all."

"Castle, it's just a few stitches. No big deal," Kate said. "And what do you mean, I sounded off this morning?"

"When we talked to Molly. You just sounded off to me," he explained.

"I was 'off'," she agreed. "They're lightening up on the pain meds, and that's an adjustment. Plus, I'm nervous."

"Nervous?" he repeated. "About what?" Kate averted her eyes.

"Mostly, I'm just nervous about going home," she confessed. Castle appeared confused.

"But...I thought you were going home with me?" She could identify a note of fear in his voice; uncertainty, maybe. Was he concerned that she wasn't going home with him? For the millionth time, Kate kicked herself for what she'd done to him in this gradual progression over the years.

"I am going home with you," she replied.

"Then why are you nervous?" he wanted to know. "I mean, you're not going to be by yourself or anything. And it's going to bring its own set of challenges, but I'm going to be there to help you."

"I know that, Castle, and I so appreciate what you're doing for me," she said. "But you're not what I'm nervous about. It's more Martha and Alexis, actually."

"Oh."

"I'm sure they hate me, Castle, and I can't imagine how they're going to feel about me basically living at the loft after all the hell I put you guys through."

Rick had just opened his mouth to respond when there was a quick knock on the door, followed immediately by the presence of a nurse.

"Hi, ," she chirped. "I'm here to take you for your stitches removal and a quick examination." In spite of the conversation they'd just had, Kate caught a flash of fear on Castle's features.

"It's fine, Rick," she said. "Promise." He nodded, leaning over to kiss her head.

"Love you," he mumbled. She squeezed his hand.

"I love you, too," she replied. "I'll see you soon."

When she had been wheeled from the room, Rick pulled out his phone. It was time he told the other two ladies in his life what was going on.

* * *

"Hello?"

"Hi, Mother."

"Hello, Richard," she said. "How is Katherine doing?"

"Better every day," he replied. "Thank you for asking." It was one of those commonly-used phrases that everyone seemed to say, and no one seemed to mean. But he did. He meant it more than she knew. He was so grateful that his mother had asked.

"Is Alexis there?" he asked.

"Yes." Martha sounded hesitant.

"Could you get her and put me on speaker so I can talk to both of you?" he requested. He knew it would need to be handled delicately. He may have been on board with this new phase of his relationship with Kate, but he was also well aware that his mother and daughter were not as open to the idea of Kate returning to their lives; his especially.

"Hey, Dad."

"Hey, Alexis,"he said. "Are you both here?"

"Yes." The reply came from both of them.

"Okay," he began. "First of all, I want you both to know that I love you, okay? Both of you mean the world to me, and nothing has ever, or will ever, change that." There was silence.

"That being said," he continued, "Kate is also very important to me. I know she hasn't always been the easiest person to get along with. I know, probably even more than you guys do, the kind of hurt that has come with Kate's part in my life. But I love her. And the decision I've come to in the last week is that I will not give up on something that means as much to me as Kate does."

"Dad, are you moving to DC?"

"No, no, sweetheart," he answered quickly. "I'm not moving anywhere, alright?"

"Okay."

"Alright, guys, look," he said. "You two are two of the most important people in my life. And, for a long time, I've stepped down most of the time and let you guys carry me through a lot. I haven't always been the most mature person in the world, or in the house. But I've done a lot of growing up lately. And I know what I'm about to tell you is going to be...well, you're probably not going to like it very much. But, I'm going to do it anyway. So often, I allow you to carry us along as a family. But, like I said, I've been growing up a lot. And it's time for me to make a decision, although it affects all of us, and stand by it."

"Get on with it, Richard," Martha said.

"When I come home, which should be in the next couple of days, Kate will be coming with me."

There was a beat of silence on the other line.

"Dad, are you sure that's a good idea?" Alexis asked.

"A good idea?" he repeated. "I don't know if it's a good idea or not. But I do know that she's important to me. I love her, she's my partner, and my best friend. I know that I'm not going to abandon what I have with her. You may not understand this necessarily, and that's okay, but Kate's worth it. To me, she is so worth the fight. Half the time, it doesn't make sense even to me. But that's okay, too."

Back in New York, Martha and Alexis looked at each other. Silent understanding passed between the two of them.

"Okay," Martha said.

"I may not be crazy about this idea, but it obviously means a lot to you," Alexis said.

"So we will both be here when you arrive," Martha said.

"Thank you," he replied. "Kate is concerned that the two of you will have a major issue with her when we get home. Can I tell her she doesn't need to worry about it?"

Again, Martha and Alexis looked at one another.

"Tell her everything will be fine, Dad," Alexis said quietly. "Kate may not be my favorite person, but I'm willing to give her a chance, if it means that much to you."

"Thank you so much, Alexis," he said softly.

"I love you, Daddy," she replied.

"I love you, too, Pumpkin."

* * *

"The man in her room, who is he?"

"He's a writer."

"A writer? Like a journalist?"

"No, a novelist. He writes books about her."

"Are they a thing?"

"I think so."

"Shame. He's gorgeous."

"Yeah, he is. She looks a mess."

"No kidding."

Molly Andrews crept up on the gaggle of nurses that were crowded around the door to the room where Kate was currently having her stitches removed. She'd heard them talking about Kate and Castle, and she, for one, had had enough.

"Ladies!" Her voice, loud and clear rang out in the hallway, and they all turned immediately, guilt written all over their faces.

Molly stood facing them, her hands on her hips.

"Hi, Molly," one of them said nervously.

"What's happening here?" Molly asked. "Is this patient suddenly in critical condition and in need of immediate emergency assistance?" They all shook their heads and Molly raised her eyebrows at them.

"Alright then. I only ask because that's the only reason I could think of that would explain why you are all here at one time. Since that's not the case, why _are_ you here?"

They all stared at her, none of them seeming to have an answer.

"Okay, then." She took a step closer to the group. "You will _all_ leave my patient alone, as well as the man in her room. What they are and what they do is none of your business whatsoever and I expect every last one of you to uphold the standard of professionalism and quality care that this hospital is known to possess. No more discussion about either of them. Are we clear?" All of the nurses nodded affirmatively.

"Wonderful. Have a good day, ladies." They all scattered and Molly rolled her eyes.

* * *

Rick had nodded off when they brought Kate back into the room. He stirred at the sound and was just opening his eyes when the door closed behind the nurses as they left. He rubbed the sleep out of this eyes and looked over at Kate. Her eyes were closed and there was an oxygen tube supplying air to her nose, tracing her cheekbones and disappearing, tucked neatly behind her ears. Immediately, he felt his heartbeat speed up, worst-case scenarios racing each other around his mind, vying for the top spot. He was on his knees beside the bed before he even really had time to process any of it. The only thing on his mind was making sure she was okay. What if he couldn't wake her up? What had happened in the procedure room? She'd only been gone a little under an hour-what could possibly have gone on in that length of time?

"Kate!" he called. He reached up to cradle her cheek in his palm."Kate, honey, please wake up. Wake up, Kate, please."

"Mmm," she groaned and turned to him, her eyes opening. She gazed at him in confusion for a moment, which quickly faded into concern.

"Kate," he choked.

"Rick," she murmured. "Hey, hey," she said soothingly. She reached out to him, gently running her fingers through his hair. "Rick, it's okay," she assured him. "It's okay. Don't. Don't cry, Castle. Please?"

"I was asleep," he breathed. He was crying and he had barely noticed. "I was asleep when you came back and then the noise sort of woke me up, but your eyes were closed and the oxygen, I thought..."

"Oh, Rick," she sighed. "Hey. Look at me." He raised his eyes to her. "Castle, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you okay? I'm _so_ sorry." Her heart went out to him. It seemed the emotional stress had finally gotten to him. After a solid week of holding it together, it appeared that seeing her motionless and supplemented by oxygen following a procedure he'd already been nervous about had not only caught him off guard, but also broken the facade.

"Come here," she said softly. He sat on the mattress next to her, and she gently pulled him toward her, his head resting on her shoulder, on her good side. "You won't hurt me, I promise," she said. He was still crying, and Kate found herself at a loss. She'd only ever seen him cry a handful of times, and never like this.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," she whispered. "I'm sorry. Don't cry, Rick. It's okay. I'm fine. I'm here, and I'm okay. I'm okay."

"Kate, I thought...I was nervous already, and then..."

"I know," she murmured. "I know. Just breathe, Rick. Everything's okay." She kissed his crown lightly, struck by the intimacy this emotional roller-coaster of a week had brought about. He pulled back after a moment, swiping at his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Sorry," he muttered, turning away.

"Don't apologize," she insisted. "It's totally understandable, Rick."

"It was stupid."

"No. Hey," she said. "It was not stupid. You saw signs of the very thing you were afraid of, and that scared you, which makes perfect sense," she said. "No need to apologize for that." He nodded and she reached out, running her fingers through his hair.

"Are you okay?" she asked. He nodded.

"Yeah." It was then that he seemed to remember the oxygen.

"So why did they have to give you the oxygen?" he asked.

"Panic attack," she replied. "Once that started, they felt it would be safer. They'll take it out soon."

"Panic attack?" he repeated. "I didn't know you still had those.

"Only now and then," she said offhandedly. He took her hand.

"I could've been there. If you had needed someone." Kate turned away.

"I didn't want to bother you," she said.

"Bother me? Kate, you wouldn't have bothered me. It bothers me to know I was just sitting here while you were struggling. You agreed to let me help you, right?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. So let me help you. I'm here, Kate, okay?"

"Okay." He sat next to her, and she moved over so that he could lean back. He moved his arm so that she could lean into him.

"You better now?" he asked.

"Right now?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Right now, I'm almost perfect," she said.

"Almost?"

"Well, if my lower body and shoulder didn't feel like they'd been bludgeoned and then set on fire, and if we were...back at the loft, all snuggled up with that heavy comforter you have, then I would be perfect."

"I'm sorry you're hurting, Beckett," he said.

"It's okay. I'll live."

"Anything I can do?" he asked. She sighed, nuzzling into his shoulder.

"You can keep doing exactly what you're doing right now," she said. He smiled slightly into her hair.

"That I can do," he said.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Chapter Eight! This one breaks the 15,000 word mark! Only 35K to go! Yay! Special thanks to everyone who made encouraging comments regarding the Guest reviewers mentioned last chapter! I love you guys. Also, if anyone went to the 12thPrecinctCon in Dresden and wants to regale me with your tales of meeting the ever-adorable Seamus and Juliana (orJon and Penny for that matter) please do! I love hearing everyone's stories!**

* * *

"How are you feeling?"

Kate smiled at him from the wheelchair.

"I'm feeling ready to go home."

Nine days after the wreck, they were less than an hour away from boarding the plane that would take them back to New York City. Rick had gone to Kate's apartment the day before, to get some clothes and things she wanted or needed for her return to the city. He'd been surprised to find that the place barely looked lived-in. Boxes, still packed, were stacked in corners and it was generally in disarray. In her bedroom, he was retrieving clothes from the dresser when he caught sight of the picture frame on the nightstand. He crossed the room and picked it up. The photograph was of the two of them, some snapshot that more than likely had come from Ryan. It had been taken from behind, and they were both in their vests. Her hair was long then; it cascaded over her shoulders in waves that caught the light. If he had to guess, judging by the lighting in the photo, it had been taken at one of those just past daybreak crime scenes, and if pressed, he would speculate that they were likely both carrying coffee. It was one of those pictures he'd never known existed, and it was, at least right then, pretty powerful to him. That she would keep it close to her, even here, after having left him on the swings back in New York, had to mean something. It gave him a bit of hope for their future. In the end, Castle packed up the photograph along with everything else he was taking back to New York.

Now, they stood on the sidewalk outside the hospital. Well, one of them stood, anyway. When the car arrived to take them to the airport, the nurse went over care instructions one more time and then moved to help Castle get Kate into the car.

"I got it," he said, holding up a hand to her.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Positive."

"Rick, you can let her help," Kate said.

"Kate, I've got it," he replied. "She's not going home with us. I can handle it."

"Okay," she agreed easily. "I trust you." Because of the broken bones in her leg and the still-healing dislocated hip, Kate couldn't put any pressure at all on her legs. It made the process of getting into the car a bit challenging. But Rick managed to get Kate from the wheelchair and into the car with little event and minimal pain.

Molly Andrews peeked into the car, her wild dark curls escaping her bun.

"It was a delight to meet you both. Please don't come back," she said with her bright smile.

"We'll do our best," Rick replied.

"Be safe, guys," she said.

"Thank you, Molly," Castle answered. Kate echoed his sentiment and then they were off.

At the airport, a small private plane which had cost him a pretty penny was waiting for them.

"Really?" Kate said. "A private plane?"

"Yes, really,," he replied. "There's no way I'm trying to get you and a wheelchair on a normal plane. And then having you on the plane with these injuries?" He shook his head in answer to his own rhetorical question. "No way. Not happening."

Kate relented and just stopped talking, knowing he was right but not wanting to admit it.

By the time the plane took off, Kate was pale and her head was leaned back, her eyes closed and her breathing a little on the shallow side. Rick sat next to her, gently brushing a strand of hair off of her face.

"Castle," she breathed.

"Hey," he murmured. She reached for him and he allowed her to take his hand, her grip surprisingly strong. She seemed to realize how hard she was gripping his hand and forced herself to let up the pressure.

"It's fine," he said. "Completely fine. Squeeze as hard as you need to."

"Hurts."

"I know. I wish I could help, but you've already had meds. You'll be able to take more when we get home," he told her. She nodded shortly, and he soothingly ran his fingers through her hair. She tightened her grip on his hand as they felt the plane begin to move. She was suddenly very grateful for this private plane idea of his. Being a very private person, she knew she would've struggled with the idea of anyone else seeing her like this. As the plane jolted slightly due to the liftoff from the runway, Kate cried out, a short, sharp cry of pain that, to be frank, tore at Rick.

"It's okay," he managed to say softly. It was a fight to keep his voice even and calm. "I know it hurts, Beckett. I know."

The plane ride was rough. Even as it evened out, Kate was still in pain and Rick found it very difficult not to be able to do anything about it. Landing in New York was both a relief and a challenge in and of itself. It brought further pain and the challenge of getting Kate back out of the plane, into another vehicle, and then into the loft.

In the car, Kate didn't say a word. She just sat there, eyes closed, holding his hand. He pulled out his phone and texted Alexis.

 **On our way from the airport now. She's not doing well. Can we have my bedroom ready?**

Seconds later, his phone buzzed with a reply.

 **Already done.**

Castle felt a rush of gratitude for his daughter. As much as Alexis was against his relationship with Kate-and with good reason, he had to admit-he was more than grateful for her just then. When they arrived at the loft, Kate was moved to the wheelchair, and Rick wheeled her into the elevator and pressed the button. Upstairs, he found that the door was unlocked and he pushed it open. Once inside, he leaned over and kissed Kate's head.

"Welcome home, Beckett," he murmured. Martha and Alexis peered around the corner at them.

"Hey, ladies," Castle said.

"Hey," Alexis replied. She smiled at them both, and approached, hugging her dad, and then she knelt next to Kate. There was a moment of tension in which everyone in the room wondered what Alexis was about to say. But then, the young woman smiled slightly at Kate and reached up, placing her hand atop the older woman's.

"Hey, Kate," she said quietly.

"Hey, Alexis," Kate replied.

"I know all you want to do right now is go to bed, because that plane ride had to be awful," Alexis began, "but I want you to know that you've got a lot of people here who love you. My dad especially. I may not be your biggest fan, but I want you to know that I'm here if you need anything, okay?"

"Thank you, Alexis," Kate whispered. Martha and Rick locked eyes as Alexis stepped back, a mutual pride shining between the two of them. Martha leaned down to kiss Kate's cheek.

"Welcome home, Katherine," she said.

"Thank you, Martha." Rick looked over at the two of them, his mother and daughter standing side by side, having yet again risen above his expectations and even his hopes. And he realized in that moment that no matter what came about due to having Kate here again, it would be no less than a family effort.

* * *

"Ow, ow, ow," Kate gasped.

"I'm sorry," Castle said. "I'm sorry, Kate, I'm doing the best I can here." She knew that he was. She did, really. But that didn't make it hurt any less as he helped her from the wheelchair into the bed. Her hip was the worst just then, not that every fiber of her body didn't feel as if it were on fire. He finally got her settled on the mattress, and gently pulled the blankets up around her. He pressed his lips to her forehead.

"I'm sorry," he said again.

"I know, Castle, it's not your fault," she said. "I know you were doing what you could."

"The pain meds should set in soon," he added. "Hopefully that'll help."

"Hopefully," she echoed. Their eyes met and silence filled the room.

"I'm sleepy," she murmured after a moment.

"Okay," he replied. He sounded understanding, and leaned down to kiss her cheek softly before turning to walk away.

"Wait, Castle," she said at the last minute. He turned, his blue eyes inquisitive in their gaze on her.

"Would you stay?" she asked shyly. He smiled slightly at her, that crooked, gentle smile she saw often from him, and nodded his head.

"Of course," he replied easily. He slipped out of his shoes and joined her under the familiar comforter. He draped his arm over her pillow, giving his fingers access to her silky hair, which one of the nurses had helped her wash that morning. His other hand fell at his side as he realized there was nowhere he could put it that wouldn't hurt her.

"Sorry we can't cuddle properly," she mumbled sleepily.

"Hey, now," he said soothingly. "Don't worry about it, okay? I'm way more concerned about getting you feeling better."

She opened one eye and glanced at him.

"Do you not want to cuddle with me, Castle?" The medicine was definitely setting in now. He could tell because _'Castle'_ had lost its sharpness, and sounded more like _'Casslle'_ now. He huffed a laugh, his breath warm and smelling of cinnamon on her skin.

"Oh, Beckett, you know I don't answer trick questions," he said teasingly.

"Is' not a trick quession," she slurred. He kissed her neck gently, moving his mouth to whisper into the shell of her ear.

"You know I would cuddle with you all day long, Kate Beckett," he said. "But how about we worry about making sure you're better before we cuddle or...anything else, yeah?"

She nodded against him, and he couldn't help but smile slightly.

"I love you, Castle," she said. "Thank you for bringing me home."

"I love you, too, Beckett."

Kate had, of course, fallen asleep. Rick, on the other hand, was having trouble with that particular endeavor just then. He laid there, watching Kate as she slept and the pain that had decorated her features for most of the day evened out and peace took over. He ran a light finger along her cheek, her skin like porcelain under his touch. Her lashes brushed her skin, the light casting shadows of the delicate hair and making them look even longer. Her hair spread out on the pillow beneath her head, the chestnut curls soft under his touch.

He couldn't help but think about how stunning she was. But, at the same time, other, less simplistic thoughts had begun to surface. In DC, he hadn't had time to think about anything but Kate, in the most current and present way. It had been simply about getting her well enough to go home, making sure she was okay. But now? Now they were home. She was improving every day and while there was still a long and trying road ahead of them in her recovery process, the end was no longer the main concern. Now that they were back home, they could take it all one day at a time.

As for the other parts of things...well, now they were nagging at him more than ever.

The letter. That was the forefront of his thoughts just then. He knew it was still tucked away in his notebook, which he'd asked Alexis to stow away in his desk drawer when they'd gotten home. It would be a tell-all if she read it. It covered the fact that he was furious with her, the fact that he loved her, and, perhaps most importantly, the fact that he'd been prepared to ask her to marry him that day in the park. He knew she would have to know at some point, but he wasn't sure he was ready to tell her.

Rick loved the woman who was currently lying next to him, with her pretty eyes hidden beneath her eyelids and lashes as she slept. There was no question there; he loved her more than she realized. When it came to trust...he wasn't so sure. He had trusted her with his life first, a long time ago. Trusted her to keep him safe to a certain extent. Trusted her to be by his side as his partner, as he was hers. And then he had trusted her with his heart. That's where his mistake was, according to many. Never trust a woman like Kate Beckett with your heart. But he had. He'd given it all over to her, and she'd shattered it. He'd trusted her with the most intimate version of himself, and it had all fallen apart. When it came down to it, if not for her injuries at the moment, he would still trust Kate with his life.

His heart? He wasn't so sure.


	9. Chapter 9

Alexis Castle found herself sitting on the roof. It had been her safe place for nearly as long as she could remember. Her dad had brought her up here when she was little, to show her the lights. Alexis remembered how entranced she'd been then, the sight of the sparkling city all lit up and the way the wind lifted her long red hair behind her. She had loved it then, and she loved it now. She'd been coming up here to think for years, and this time was no different.

At twenty years old, Alexis was finding herself stuck between the maturity she'd always possessed and the childishness she'd recently wished she had. She was never one to do anything risky. Taking risks resulted in heartbreak. It was a simple principle that Alexis had learned early on. It had been clear to her, that the best option would be to just do what she was supposed to do and keep her heart guarded. Lately, she'd been branching out a bit, sure. In the past couple of years, a lot had changed for Alexis. But, then again, a lot had stayed the same.

Alexis' relationship with Kate Beckett had been love-hate for most of past few years. She had a lot of respect for Beckett in a lot of ways. But when it came to her dad, Alexis found it hard to trust Kate. It wasn't easy to trust someone whom Alexis had watched break her father's heart more than one time. More than twice, even. For the majority of her life, Rick had been all Alexis had. He'd been more than just her daddy. He was her constant playmate, her confidant, her teacher, and her friend. He took care of her when no one else would, and he listened to her no matter what she was saying, always attentive, always making her feel like what she had to say was important to him. He was always around, and she trusted her dad more than anyone on the planet. Sure, they'd had their differences-in the last couple of years especially. But at the end of the day, she knew she could count on him to be there.

As far as Kate was concerned, Alexis couldn't help but admire her independence and her feminism. She respected the way Kate handled herself in a male-dominated profession, and the way she commanded respect from her equals, supreiors, and inferiors alike. But Alexis was finding herself, not for the first time, at a crossroads when it came to Kate. She was neither blind nor stupid; she saw the way her dad looked at Beckett. She saw how much he loved her. It was apparent in every move, every touch, every deliberate step he took around her. Every smile and every glance. It was that sort of love that Alexis longed for, the kind she'd thought she had with Ashley once upon a time, the kind she'd searched for and never found with Pi.

Now, as the young woman leaned her head back and allowed the sunshine to warm her skin, filtering through her eyelids and presenting her eyes with a brilliant orange that overpowered the darkness that typically accompanied having her eyes closed. She knew he loved Kate. And she could see why, on one hand. Kate was stunning, she was intelligent and she was, even now, a mystery. Alexis supposed that was the weak link. The mystery. Her dad had never been able to resist the allure of a woman with a story. On the other hand, Alexis struggled with it. Kate may have had a lot going for her, but she had a lot going against her as well. She was forever wreaking havoc, in and out of their lives. She was a mess, and she brought so much danger, not to mention heartbreak, with her when she came. As Alexis turned the whole thing over in her mind, it occured to her that she'd always been the adult in the house. She was the one who made rational decisions and thought things through and made responsible choices. Now, she was finding herself faced with a problem she'd rarely encounered. She wanted to be the child, and he wasn't going to let her be. She was having to learn, for one of the first times ever, to be an adult. She was having to be responsible and mature when she really wanted to pitch a fit and get her way.

She thought back on her interaction with Kate. The older woman had looked like hell, and Alexis' compassionate side had won over. It hadn't been easy to offer Kate the warmth and reassurance that she had. But she'd done it, and she had to admit, it had actually felt pretty good.

"Hey, Pumpkin." She turned at the sound of his voice and found her dad standing by the door to the roof, leaning against the doorframe, smiling slightly at her.

"Hi, Dad," she replied. He pushed off the door and ambled over to her, leaning against the railing on his elbows. He looked exhausted, and Alexis wondered, not for the first time, what kind of toll this was going to have on him. "How's Kate?" she asked.

"Asleep," he replied. "Thank God."

"Has it been bad?" she inquired.

"Not really. I think it's going to be worse now she's home." Alexis couldn't help but bristle at the word. Home. Was this home for her? Was she really here for good? Or would it end up being just like every time in the past, when Kate would be here just long enough to give him hope for what they had, and then dissapear again?

Rick turned his head to survey his daughter. It was impossible for him to look at her and not see the past two decades flash through his head. Alexis had been such a fussy baby, always fighting him on everything. She would love peas one day, and he'd give them to her the next day only to have her spit them all over him with a glare worthy of someone who had just been terribly wronged. By the time she reached preschool, she had evened out a bit, but she was still as sassy as ever, and so smart. He remembered long hours spent learning to do girly things like ponytails and braids. He bought books on the subject literally the day Meredith left, determined that he would learn how to do everything his little girl would need from him. Now, he could do French braids and fishtails and waterfall braids and ballet buns. He could work a curling iron perfectly, and had even practiced on himself and a wig he'd borrowed so that when it came time to curl Alexis' hair, he would be good enough to make it look the way she wanted and not burn her. He could tie bows and knew more than he'd ever cared to about various types of fabric and ribbons. He had never learned to tie special knots or pitch a tent properly or catch a fish. He wasn't into ball sports, and couldn't tell you the first thing about trucks. He'd been raised by a Broadway actress and then spent the next twenty years of his life raising Alexis. He'd spent the next twenty years of his life with his daughter, his whole world. He had never been a guy's guy. Beckett had called him meterosexual once, but he figured it was just what would naturally happen when you spend your entire life with women. He couldn't have been more proud of the woman his baby girl had become. She had blossomed into an incredible person, with strong values and an independent streak that served her well, along with a level head and warm heart. She was compassionate and caring, and she had a definite sense of what mattered in life. He wasn't entirely sure what he'd done right, but it was clear that something had gone exactly the way it was supposed to have gone, somewhere along the way.

He reached over and wrapped his arm around Alexis' shoulders and kissed her temple.

"Thank you, Alexis," he said quietly.

"For what?" she asked inquisitively. He met her eyes, their idetical blue eyes locking.

"For what you did in there with Kate. I know this isn't easy for you, and I know how crazy it must seem. But it's just not in my nature to abandon something I believe in. I believe in a lot of things, and, as stupid as it may be, Kate Beckett is one of them." He took a deep breath, glancing out at the city that never sleeps, the city that had been home for most of his life. Then, he looked back at Alexis. "I just want you to know that I appreciate what you did in there. And she does, too."

"It's not stupid," Alexis replied.

"What?" Alexis sighed.

"You said you believe in a lot of things, and as stupid as it may be, Kate is one of them," she explained. "It's not stupid."

"No?"

"No." She met his gaze again, as she had done countless times in her life. "I'm twenty years old, my whole life in front of me. And, just like any girl, I think about . I think about what he'll be like, the qualities that are most important to me. I think about how he'll treat me, what it is about him that I'll love the most. I wonder about the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with." She paused, seemingly gathering her thoughts. "And, Dad, I look at you and Kate. You guys have been through hell together, and she has her faults. She hasn't always treated you the way I would've liked. But I've been thinking while I've been up here, and I guess I realized love is even more than all the songs making sense."

He studied her, this incredible daughter he'd been blessed with nearly twenty-one years ago, on a cool night in October. The squalling little red-haired baby they'd handed him, who had gone quiet in his arms, looking up at him with her pretty blue eyes in what was easily the most powerful moment of his life.

"So what conclusion have you come to?" he asked. Alexis took a moment to look out over the city she loved, the place that felt like a part of her.

"I think," she began, "that the kind of love you have for Kate is the kind of love people spend their entire lives looking for. And I think if is anything like you, he's going to be wonderful."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thanks for your reviews! Almost 500 follows on this story...I cannot express how grateful I am for all of you guys.**

 **Ready to shake things up a bit? Questions are about to be raised...**

* * *

"She's back in New York now."

"Did he come and get her?"

"Yes."

He scoffed, a note of amusement in his tone.

"Of course he did. He's so predictable." He shook his head. Richard Castle had, of course, walked right into the trap set for him. The man was like a marionette, doing every single thing his master directed him to do, performing every movement exactly the way he was supposed to. He almost wished Rick presented a little more of a challenge sometimes. Maybe mix it up every now and then. But, alas, he was everything he'd always been. And predictable and in love with Kate Beckett were at the top of the list.

"What do you want us to do, boss?"

He was silent for a moment, his reflection staring back at him from the window.

"Nothing," he said at last. "Nothing just yet. For now, we wait."

* * *

The doorbell buzzed, and Alexis went to answer it. She pulled it open and smiled at the man on the other side.

"Hi, Alexis," said Jim Beckett softly.

"Hi, Mr. Beckett," she replied.

"Jim, please," he requested.

"Jim," she acquiesced. "Come on in." He did, stepping into the loft and looking around at the interior. He couldn't help but think of the first time he'd arrived at Rick Castle's door, more than two years ago now, with a plea for the man who loved his daughter. A plea to stop her from doing something irrational in her quest for justice. A quest he knew his late wife would have been able to stop her from partaking in, save the fact that Johanna was the heart of said quest. Rick hadn't been able to keep Kate from doing what she'd done, but he made damn certain he was next to her. Jim couldn't help but respect and love Rick for what he'd done. Any man willing to throw himself in front of a bullet for his Katie was a man Jim would have no problem accepting. Now, under different circumstances, he looked around again. He saw the differences that had come about in the loft since he first came there. The photos of Alexis were more current, but that wasn't all. Jim could see the touches of his daughter in the loft now. The blanket on the back of the couch had been Kate's, and he could easily imagine her leaving it here accidentally, the knit working its way into their daily lives. There was a framed photo of Kate and Rick adorning the top of the piano amongst the others that rested there, and one that featured Kate, Ryan, Esposito and Castle that was sitting atop a bookshelf. A glance at the books that were housed there revealed further the influence of Kate. Books Jim recognized as hers were meshed with books of Rick's, looking for all the world as if they couldn't possibly belong anywhere else.

"Hello, Jim," Rick said, coming around the bookshelves with a smile. Jim observed that Rick looked tired and a little stressed, but otherwise the same as always.

"Hey, Rick," Jim replied. "How are you?"

"I'm doing pretty well," he said. "You?" Jim shrugged.

"Not too bad. How's Katie?"

Rick hesitated, the bad parts flashing through his mind. The pain, the tears, the frustration, the nightmares. But he didn't mention any of that. Instead, he smiled at Jim.

"She's alright," he said. "Improving a little every day." Jim nodded. "You want to come see her? She's awake at the moment."

"Yeah," Jim replied, and followed Rick into the bedroom. Kate was sitting in the king-size bed that took up most of the room. She looked up and smiled at her dad. Jim noticed immediately that she, like Rick, looked tired. But she didn't look miserable, and she wasn't as pale as he'd expected.

"Hey, Katie," he said.

"Hi, Dad," she replied. He came over to her, leaning down to kiss her head softly, the flowers in his hand hanging by his side. She caught sight of them and smiled.

"For me?" she asked.

"No, for Rick," he deadpanned, and she laughed. The sound warmed him, and he realized that the summer after she'd been shot, he didn't hear her laugh even once. He smiled at her.

"Rick, would you mind grabbing a vase?" she asked. He nodded.

"Sure. I'll be right back," he replied.

"Sit down," Kate encouraged. He gingerly sat on the bed, and she grinned. "I won't break," she teased. He shook his head.

"You might."

"Nah," she said dismissively. "I'm a fighter." He studied her, his eyes a touch too dark for her liking.

"That you are, Katie Bug," he said. "That you are."

* * *

"Hey." Kate looked up at Rick as he re-entered the bedroom.

"Hey," she said quietly. He sat next to her, affectionately pulling a piece of fuzz out of her hair.

"You look exhausted, Kate," he said.

"I am," she said, leaning into him. "I wish I wasn't," she added. "I hate being sleepy all the time." There was evident frustration in her voice.

"I know," he said, dropping a kiss to her good shoulder. "But you know you need the rest," he reminded her. "It'll get better eventually."

"I know," she said. "But I want to stay awake now," she whined. He laughed.

"Go on," he encouraged. "Get some sleep. I know you're tired." She groaned, but he just kissed her cheek, rising from the bed.

"I love you, Kate," he murmured.

"I love you, too."

* * *

"Richard, darling, are you out here?"

He had to admit, he didn't like the note of panic he detected in his mother's voice as she peered out onto the roof where he and Alexis were sitting, playing Scrabble. He'd taken to accompanying her up here in the last week since they'd brought Kate home. It was a good way to spend time with her away from everything when Kate was asleep and make sure that he wasn't neglecting his relationship with his daughter in favor of everything he was doing with Kate.

"Yeah," he replied.

"I hate to interrupt, but Katherine needs you," she said. He glanced at Alexis, who nodded immediately.

"Go," she urged. He didn't need telling twice. He followed his mother down from the roof.

"Is she okay?" he asked.

"She's having a nightmare, I think," Martha answered. He nodded shortly, moving ahead of Martha into the bedroom, where he found Kate turning in the bed, more than she should've been with her injuries. He was next to her in seconds, her whimpering calls for him shredding at him, as they always did.

"Kate," he said gently, shaking her shoulder carefully. He had one hand on her stomach and the other on her good shoulder, hoping to hold her still so she didn't farther injure herself, if she hadn't already. "Kate, sweetheart, come on. Wake up for me." He called out to her for a while before she finally woke up, her eyes panicked and searching.

"Hey, beautiful," he murmured. She looked over at him, and he offered her a gentle smile.

"Rick."

"I'm here. Right here."

"Why does it hurt?" she whimpered. He felt his stomach clench. He hated this, hated to see her like this.

"You were having a nightmare and moving around quite a bit," he explained softly. "Mother came to get me and I've been trying to keep you still since I got here, but you were thrashing around a little." She bit back a sob. Everything felt like it was on fire.

"Castle," she groaned.

"I know. I'm sorry, Kate," he murmured. "I know."

"Rick, you have to...I shouldn't have come here," she said. Panic was more than detectable in her voice as she struggled to sit up. She gasped in pain at the movement but continued to struggle against him in an effort to...do what, he wasn't sure, but she was clearly worked up about something.

"Woah, woah, Kate," he said. "Calm down. Just calm down and stay still, alright?"

"No, no, Castle, you don't understand," she sobbed. "You don't understand. You're not safe with me here, none of you are. We have to do something." She was crying and he could barely understand her.

"Sweetheart, sit still, please," he begged. He caught her gaze, and there was something in his eyes that seemed to calm her, at least a little bit. "Please, just sit still. We can talk about this, but I need you to calm down. I don't want you to hurt yourself, okay?" She allowed him to settle her back against the pillows, propped up now, and then he came to the other side of the bed to sit next to her. He gently brushed her hair off of her face.

"What are you talking about, Kate?" he asked.

"Rick, I should never have come here," she whispered.

"I thought you were happy to be home," he said softly. He was trying not to sound too dejected by the thought, even though he was, in reality, heartbroken.

"No, Castle, that's not what I meant," she said. "I love you, and I'm glad to be with you. More than glad. But I shouldn't have let you get close to me again, because now you're right back where you were in May," she said. She sounded on the verge of tears again.

"Kate, I don't...I don't understand." She bit back a sob, wondering how the hell she'd let this happen. Her resolve was always strong, and she had more self-will than most. She was fierce, always, and she never went back on what was right once she'd gotten there. And she'd been so sure she was doing the right thing by not only ending it, but also keeping him in the dark about the real reason. But then, he'd shown up, and he'd been so very _Castle_ , all love and forgiveness and...and she'd been so caught up in him that she'd neglected his safety. She'd given in to the power he had over her, and now she was panicking over something she could've prevented. She could've sent him home the night he offered. He'd given her a way out. She could've sent him back to New York and not allowed him in her life, where he was in danger. But the way he'd looked at her, with his pretty blue eyes shining with love, it had worn her down and she couldn't find it in her to send away the man she loved more than she'd ever thought possible.

And he, for his part, hadn't even questioned her. If he had, perhaps then she would've been able to find a way out that seemed more concrete. Maybe if he'd questioned her, it would've served as a wake-up call. Maybe then they wouldn't be in this situation.

Maybe then they wouldn't both be in this kind of danger. Maybe then they wouldn't be finding themselves hunted.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Well, here we go. The writing of this chapter brought about an impending plot twist even I didn't see coming! I love it when stories have a mind of their own. So here's the challenge. Figure out who the man is that Kate talks to in this chapter. I'll give you a virtual cookie if you get it right. :) Leave me a review...I love them. They make me happy. They make me write faster (all fanfic writers say it, and we're all being serious.) Thanks for the support.**

* * *

"No, Kate."

He was pacing his bedroom floor, and the movement was making her nervous. As if she wasn't already.

"Castle-" she began, but he cut her off.

"We'll figure something out," he said. "But we are not separating. Not going to happen, Beckett."

He should've known. It all seemed so obvious now. The black SUV mentioned in passing, the lack of FBI Agents at the hospital, the fact that she never mentioned letting anyone at work know that she was going to New York.

"Why on earth would you make up a story like that, Kate?" he asked finally. She thought back on what had been her intricate plan to keep him away. The made-up job with the Attorney General's office-although that part had not been her idea-, the move to DC, the hiding out, the secrets. She hadn't wanted to push him away at first. She'd begged and pleaded that they let him in on the whole operation, but it had been futile. Even the one person she thought would be willing to allow Castle in on it said no in the end.

"I didn't really have a choice, Rick," she said.

"You didn't have a choice?" he echoed. "Who did?"

She took a deep breath and looked at him, his blue eyes slicing through her resolve. She hated herself for what she'd done, wished she'd fought harder, wished she'd done more to keep him in the loop. Wished she hadn't backed down and conceded. Wished she'd never let them convince her that it was the right thing to do. But they had. They'd convinced her that shutting him out would keep him safe and they'd convinced her that he wouldn't end up back in her life. That, of course, had been her first line of defense...

* * *

 _Kate paced back and forth, running a hand through her hair. She shook her head in frustration._

 _"You don't understand," she said. "If you had any idea how many times I've tried this...how many times I've tried to shut him out for his own good..." she trailed off. She'd learned her lesson on this. Richard Castle was not someone you just pushed away. If he didn't want to be pushed away, he would find his way back somehow. No matter how dangerous it may have been for him to be involved, she was certain that it would be more dangerous for him in the long run if he was excluded. When he did work his way back in-and she had no doubt that he would- it would be even more of a mess than it was already. She felt sure that he would be better off knowing everything from the start. She turned to the eyes of the one man she thought perhaps could be convinced that Castle needed to be involved._

 _He met her gaze, his deep, soulful brown irises meeting her green-hazel ones._

 _"You know how he is," she said. "You know he won't stay away forever." He shook his head slowly._

 _"I think they're right, Kate," he said sadly. "If you're the one to tell him, he'll respect you enough to go. He's not the man he was when he started following you around." She looked from him to all the others, and she could tell they weren't budging. She felt her reasoning slipping from her grasp far more quickly than she'd expected it to. She was clinging to it desperately, but it was crumbling fast._

 _"He's everything to me," she said quietly._

 _"I know." His voice was soft, knowing, understanding. "And I know-believe me, I know- how hard it is to leave the people you love." He did know, better than most. He'd done it, after all. "But you have to do it. You have no choice, Kate."_

 _She hesitated, torn, and looked back at him._

 _"Is there not any way around this?" she asked. "I mean, he's not the easiest to deal with sometimes, but he's trustworthy and you know he's a big help with most things." He nodded._

 _"I know he is," he conceded. "But this isn't just your safety we're talking about if he gets involved. If he gets involved, it'll be his safety, too," he reminded her. "And more than that, it'll be the safety of Alexis and Martha, of Ryan, Esposito, Lanie, Captain Gates...they'll all be in danger some way or another." He shook his head sadly again._

 _"I know it's hard, Kate, but you can't risk all of their lives. I know you don't want to do that."_

 _She nodded. He was right. She wouldn't do that to them. She couldn't do that. And she realized then that her argument was invalid, and there was no way around it. He couldn't be a part of this, no matter how much she loved or needed him._

 _"So what do I do?" she asked._

 _This time, it was a different man who answered._

 _"You tell him you've been offered a job here, and that's why you were in DC today. You make it a big deal. Maybe let him find out on accident," the lighter-haired Agent suggested. "You shift the focus from the trip here itself to the fact that you excluded him from the job offer. Then, you tell him you have to go. Make sure you don't let him in, Detective. Not even a little bit of what you're feeling can show through. It's important that he believe you don't want him to come with you-no matter how much you truly do."_

* * *

And she'd sold it. She'd felt so dirty about it from the very start, but she told herself it was for his own good. She told herself it would be better in the long run, said it aloud to the mirror enough times that eventually it began to feel as if it were true. She began to believe that it was a solid plan, that keeping him out would work. That he would be safe.

And now, she looked back at him, watching her with his warm blue eyes and wild hair that never seemed to fall where he wanted it to. And she felt like shit about it all.

"Castle, I did it to keep you safe," she began. "You and everyone else in my life."

"How?"

"If I cut all ties with you, they'd have no reason to come after you. You would be irrelevant, and we thought that would keep you from getting hurt," she explained, biting back tears again.

"And after all this time, you honestly thought I wouldn't come back eventually?" He sounded skeptical, and she had to admit, he had every reason to sound that way. He had, after all, come back time and time again, always reappearing in her life as the solid force she needed.

"I tried to tell them that," she offered, knowing it sounded like a lame excuse even as she said it. "I told them that you would end up coming back, but they convinced me otherwise, and I...I ended up conceding because I thought I could keep you safe."

"That never works," he said, sinking down onto the bed next to her, sounding very defeated. She found herself wishing he were more angry. Defeat, Kate decided, was much worse than anger. Sadness, even worse than that. And helplessness, the worst of them all.

And he seemed to be all three.

"I know," she agreed. "It doesn't work. Not with either of us."

They sat there in silence for a few minutes. Rick found himself wondering just how much more to the story there was. He'd thought he knew her. He had thought, now that she was home, it would be easier. He'd thought they would be able to focus on _them_ for once, as opposed to all the other bits that had defined them in a way. He'd thought they would be able to heal together, in their own ways, and that it would eventually come together. That they would be able to move forward without all this outside stuff interfering. And yet, here they were, back where they'd been a million times before. Her having shut him out, and him having worked his way back in, the two of them now struggling to figure out where that left them.

He realized that nothing was ever simple with Kate Beckett. It never had been; why had he thought this time would be any different?

He looked over at her, finding her watching him anxiously, tears in her eyes.

"I'm sure you're...so tired of this," she said.

"Honestly? Yeah, I am," he agreed. Then he ran his fingers along her jawline.

"But you know what else?" he continued. She looked at him inquisitively.

"What?"

Castle smiled softly.

"I think maybe I should just get used to it. You bring complications and challenges into my life constantly, and I keep coming back, so I really shouldn't be surprised anymore."

"Why do you keep coming back?" she asked. He kissed her forehead.

"Love is a very, very strange thing," he said.

"What are we going to do, Rick?" she wanted to know. He shook his head.

"I don't know," he said simply. "I don't have an answer for that yet. For now, we're going to keep doing exactly what we have been doing. Getting you better."

"But what if something happens?" she asked. He wished he had an answer. He wished he could assure her that it would all work itself out. He knew he couldn't, though. So instead, he hugged her as best he could while avoiding her injured shoulder, a painful reminder that it already wasn't okay.

"We'll figure it out," he said. "I don't know how, but we will. I promise."

And he knew that they would. Somehow. Just as they always did.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Well, your guesses have been interesting. I have thoroughly enjoyed hearing everyone's specualtion as to whom Kate was talking to. (Some of the people you guys came up with weren't even people I had considered, and one such person made it in here even though she wasn't originally going to be.) So here we go, time to find out for sure who the mystery man is! :)**

* * *

Kate was improving steadily, as far as physical healing went. Nearly a month after her accident (which may or may not have been an accident at all) she was cleared to start putting pressure on the leg that hadn't been broken. Her hip still ached most days, but she was grateful to have to opportunity to move around a little bit. With Rick's help, she was able to begin venturing out into the living room or kitchen, and she was happy to be out of the bedroom.

It was a sunny, slightly cool day in October when when Rick came home from a meeting at Black Pawn to find Kate and Martha sitting together in the living room.

"Hey, ladies," he said.

"Hello," the replied together. He stopped, narrowing his eyes at them.

"What's going on?" he asked suspiciously.

"Nothing," Kate answered, but he wasn't convinced.

"Why don't I believe you?" he inquired, and Kate shrugged.

"Beats me. You, Martha?" The redhaired woman shook her head.

"No clue, my dear," she said. Rick looked between the two of them for a moment.

"I will figure this out," he declared. Kate and Martha caught each other's eye and then quickly turned away to hide their smiles.

* * *

Kate found herself looking at a photograph that rested on the piano in the living room. It was a few years old, and featured Castle, Ryan, Esposito, herself, and Captain Montgomery at The Old Haunt the night Castle had bought it. It had been a good night, she recalled. One she'd been glad she hadn't passed up in the end. They'd stayed way later than they should've, the hours slipping away as hours tend to do when life is good and you're in favorable company. By the end of the night, it had been only she and Castle left, and he'd shared a cab with her, insisting on covering the entire fare instead of just his half. She'd been just tired and intoxicated enough to let him, too. It was one of the last few times they'd all been out together, all five of them. Now, looking at their smiling faces in a snapshot that captured a moment frozen in time, Kate knew she'd lucked out. She'd been fortunate enough to find a man like Rick Castle, who not only somehow fell in love with a broken, closed-off young detective, but who also somehow continued to love her through it all, even when she gave him every reason not to. And she knew it was time to come clean with him.

"Rick?" she called. He appeared immediately, peering at her around the bookshelf.

"You called?"

She nodded her head and smiled at him.

"Yeah. Would you mind coming in here for a few minutes?" Kate inquired. "I need to tell you something."

He could tell by the deliberate evenness of her tone that whatever she needed to tell him was important and significant, not something to be taken lightly. He braced himself as he joined her in the living room, knowing it was going to be serious.

"What's up?" he asked. She took a deep breath, her eyes darting back to the photo, drawing strength from the memories of that night before she looked back at him.

"Castle," she began, "The day I went to DC, I knew I wasn't going for a job interview. I just didn't know exactly why I was going," she said, although looking back, she really should've known. She should've seen the signs that something big was going down. "But when I got there,I saw someone that I knew, and that's when I realized that something really big was about to happen."

"Who did you see?" he inquired.

"The first person I saw was Jordan Shaw."

 _"Detective Beckett."_

 _Kate turned and spotted the redhead right away. Jordan Shaw had always had an air of distinguished haughtiness about her that blended effortlessly with her confidence, resulting in something that, while it wasn't tangible, was very impressive._

 _"Agent Shaw." Kate couldn't keep the surprise out of her voice as she greeted the woman._

 _"Come with me," Jordan said, cutting right to the chase._

 _"Where are we going?" Kate asked cautiously._

 _"Somewhere extremely safe and incredibly private."_

"So where did you go?" Rick inquired.

"We went down to a sublevel of the FBI headquarters there," she replied. "By that point, I knew I was about to be let in on something really important, I just had no idea how important," she told him. "So we went down to this sublevel, and she never said another word the entire time," Kate continued. "I think they sent her to bring me down there because they knew I would trust her."

"Makes sense," Castle remarked. "So who was down there?"

Kate couldn't help but smile slightly at his excitement. She was grateful for it, that little sliver of light that manifested itself in the form of this man-child who was nearly bouncing in his seat at the idea of sublevels in the FBI headquarters.

"I met some people I didn't know," she replied. "Agents Carter and Sparks. They were...the uptight type." There was no other way to describe the two male Agents who met them in the sublevel. Both in their forties with sandy hair, Agent Carter seemed to be the alpha partner; he was also taller and more broad. Agent Sparks, while just as by-the-book as his partner, was probably a few years younger, and, if Kate had to guess, likely a little easier to manipulate if need be.

"The next person I met was Rachel McCord," Kate said.

"What was she like?" Rick asked. Kate hesitated, thinking of the dark-haired woman she'd met that day. Rachel had been interesting. Not easy to read at first.

"She was professional, but obviously attuned emotionally, and she had a lot going for her," Kate recounted. "A strong leader, commanded respect,not about to be walked all over. But she was comfortable with gray areas. Which, I learned, I am not."

Castle nodded, clearly understanding what she meant. Kate had, contrary to the belief of some, a very clear sense of right and wrong. While she pushed the boundaries on a regular basis, she would never ignore them unless she had a damn good reason.

"So was that everyone?" he wanted to know. Beckett wished she could nod her head and tell him that yes, that was everyone. But she knew she couldn't. He had to know.

"No, Castle," she sighed. "That wasn't everyone. There was one more person." He knew by the tone of her voice that the final person she'd seen had been the biggest shock, far more so than Jordan Shaw, and he braced himself for whatever she was about to say.

Kate took a deep breath. This was so much harder even than she'd imagined it would be. Reminding herself that he not only needed to know, but deserved to, she met his eyes.

"The last person there was Roy Montgomery."

 _"Kate, there's one more person here," Jordan Shaw said._

 _"Who?"_

 _"You may want to sit." Her voice was soft, and Kate found herself crossing her arms over her chest defiantly._

 _"I'll stand, thank you," she replied. Jordan nodded, having expected nothing less from the indomitable Kate Beckett._

 _"Alright," she acquiesced. "Rachel, bring him out, please." Rachel nodded and ducked away, returning moments later, stepping out of the shadows, followed closely by a man KAte hadn't seen in two years, since the night in the hangar, when her Captain had given his life for hers._

 _Or so she'd thought._

 _Kate felt her world collapse around her. This could not be happening._

 _"Hello, Kate," he said softly, the sound of his voice grating against her ears, so out of place in the world outside her dreams now. She found herself reaching behind her for Castle, only to remember a moment too late that he wasn't there._

 _"This is some kind of really sick joke," she said angrily, looking around at them all. "I don't know what kind of game you're playing here, but it ends now." She was trying desperately to cling to the notion that for whatever reason they were messing with her. But that notion was slipping rapidly from her grasp as she looked around at their too-serious faces._

 _"It's no joke, Beckett," Roy said. "It's very real." She shook her head._

 _"No. I don't know who you are, but Roy Montgomery is dead!" she exclaimed. "I was there, okay? I saw his body.I carried his coffin. I stood at his funeral and watched his wife and children cry. I ...I gave his eulogy. I was shot that day! Whomever you are, you are not Roy Montgomery." His dark eyes were understanding._

 _"The man who was killed," he began, "was not me. Why do you think I was so adamant that Castle get you out of there?" Kate was scrambling, feeling as if she wer losing her footing on a very thin sheet of ice. Her heart lurched at the mention of Castle...her partner, her boyfriend, the man she hoped she was going to spend the rest of her life with. The man who had been beside her through it all. The man who had willingly thrown himself at her, knowing he could possibly be throwing himself in front of a bullet._

 _"It wasn't to keep them from killing you, Kate," he told her gently. "It was so that you and Rick wouldn't see us make the switch."_

 _"Switch?" she repeated. "_ _Us_ _?" She looked around at them, feeling betrayed on so many levels. "Was Rick in on this?" she asked quietly, not wanting to even ask, not wanting it to be true. Surely he wouldn't..._

 _"Hell no," Montgomery replied quickly, shaking his head. "Would've been a lot simpler if he had been, and we considered it, but..." Roy shrugged. "Castle's loyalty lies with you and the boys first. He would've told you, I had no doubt."_

 _"Yeah, he would've," Kate fired back. "I thought your loyalty lay with us, too, and that you would've done the same."_

 _Roy looked pained by her words, a ghost of the man she had once known as he nodded his head._

 _"I thought so, too, Kate," he admitted softly. "I thought so too."_

* * *

 **To the guest reviewer who said, "Anyone but Montgomery"...sorry?**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: So...here you go. I'm literally in the middle of a sleepover with one of my best friends, concocting a plan to pick up my sort-of-but-not quite-boyfriend/best friend in the universe at the airport when he gets home from camp in three weeks. And we're kind of flipping out. So anyway. I really don't know what makes sense right now and what doesn't. This is what happens when Rose and I get together. So just let me know what you think, and thanks for being awesome!**

* * *

Complete, total, all-encompassing silence filled the loft.

The sort of silence that was so intense, it was uncomfortable and heavy. The kind of silence that bore down on one's mind and body, the kind of silence that brought with it a rush of thoughts, none of which were good. Kate watched him somewhat fearfully as he stared at her in silence, his body so still that it could've been made of wax if not for the slight rise and fall of his chest, and even that had seemingly slowed down in the oppressive silence that followed her words.

It could've been minutes or maybe hours, during which they sat in silence. However long it had been, Kate couldn't take it any longer.

"Castle?" she prompted tentatively. He seemed to snap out of his trance at the sound of her voice, and his eyes refocused.

"I'm sorry, you did not just say what I think you said," he replied, his voice dangerously low, daring her to argue. He, like she had, was clinging to what he'd thought was reality. The reality that Roy Montgomery was dead, which, it seemed, was no longer the reality at all.

"Actually, I did," she said quietly.

"No, Beckett, that isn't possible," he argued, his voice becoming louder. "It's just not. You've been played, Kate, okay? That's the only possibility. He can't possibly be alive. It's not possible." She understood how he was feeling, and wished more than anything that she could simply agree with him, put his mind at ease and tell him that Roy Montgomery was really dead, that she had been played, that...well, she wished she could tell him it had all been a joke. But it hadn't been. It had been far from a joke, and she had been where he was now; floundering, searching for a reasonable explanation for something that had, not too long ago, been explained and made sense. Something which, now, seemed so senseless. So...completely and utterly out of the realm of possibility.

"I know, Rick," she said softly. "I know how this feels, okay? I know it's hard to believe-"

"Hard to believe?" he repeated. He stood up and was pacing now, quick sharp movements that put her on edge. Or they would've, were she not there to begin with.

"Hard to believe?" he said again. "Seriously? This is...God, Kate, this is way more than 'hard to believe'." He raked his fingers through his hair, pulling at the short strands. His mind was spinning, and he wasn't sure where to turn. He thought they had it all out there, and then she comes up out of nowhere with _this_?

"Damn it, Kate!" he exclaimed loudly, making her jump. She stared at him, this stressed and angry version of him that was pacing the living room. "Why the _hell_ didn't you tell me all of this the day I found the damn plane ticket?" He was nearly yelling now, which he _never_ did, and she shied away from the question.

"I told you, Rick, I was trying to keep you safe!" she said. He shook his head.

"That was an answer I could accept until you threw this in the mix!" He stopped pacing and met her eyes. "He was my _friend_ , Kate! He was my friend, too. He wasn't just yours to grieve, Beckett. I missed him, too. The man played poker with me. He watched out for my daughter. He was part of _our_ immediate family, not _yours._ And here I am, in the dark. He..." He shook his head, turning away from her again. "Roy called me that night and begged me to be there." His voice was soft now. "He called and he begged me to come to the hangar and get you out of there. He pleaded with me, and he told me what he was going to do. He said, 'Rick, I know you love her. I know what she means to you. I know you care about all of us enough to do this, and you mean a lot to me, too. You're a part of this team, shield and gun or not. And I need you to be that tonight. I need you to have my back and get your partner out so she doesn't get hurt.'" Rick took a ragged breath.

"And now you," he said, whirling back to face her with tears in his eyes. "You, who I risked _everything_ for, that night, and that day at the cemetery, not to mention every other time I risked it all for you, you kept this from me? I don't know where I stand anymore, Kate! You should've told me."

"I was...I thought I was doing the right thing, Castle," she said.

His blue eyes were icy as they met hers.

"The right thing?" he echoed. "What the hell is the right thing here, Beckett? What does it mean, huh? You think the right thing to do was for me to hide what I knew Roy was going to do that night? You think it was _right_ for me to keep that from you and the boys? Even more than that, people who had the power to stop it? You think it was right for me to throw myself in front of a bullet for you, risking putting my daughter through what you've had to go through your entire life? You really think I was doing the _right thing_ , Kate?" He shook his head at her.

"I wasn't! I wasn't doing the right thing, I was doing what I had to do. I was doing what I was supposed to do because you were my partner. And I may not be a cop, but damn it, Kate, I know what it means to be. You taught me that! You, Kevin, Javi, and Roy, you all taught me what it means to be a cop, and I always had your back. I chose my loyalty to you over doing what I knew was right, and I expected the same thing in return. But did I get that? Of course not."

"Rick, it's not about loyalty!" she protested.

"Like hell it's not!" He yelled. "Like hell, Kate! You and I both know that's exactly what this is about. Roy may not be as loyal as we thought, but damn it, Beckett, I thought I had you. I thought you were my partner! I thought you knew you could trust me! I thought I could trust you to come to me, and then you go and pull something like this? You were hiding out in DC with Roy for twelve weeks and I had no idea. What the hell kind of a partner are you, huh?" She felt tears sting her eyes and she wanted to yell back at him, wanted the fury in his eyes to mirror her own. She wanted to fight back, but she couldn't. Not because she was physically unable, which perhaps she could've lived with. No, it was because she knew he was right. She knew that everything he was saying was exactly right, and she knew she had been in the wrong with all of it. She'd screwed up, again, and now... now, he was right. She hadn't been the partner he deserved, the partner he'd been to her. She hadn't been the cop, the woman, or the person she had been taught to be. She'd done everything wrong, and pushed away the one person she could've relied on.

"Castle-"

"No, Kate. I don't want to talk about it, not right now, not to you." He turned and he was gone, and she was alone on the couch in the loft, feeling like she'd ruined everything. Which, she thought sadly, she probably had.

* * *

Rick was on the roof. He was fuming at first, so angry with her. But Rick Castle was never one to stay angry for long. And already, only five minutes after screaming at Kate, which he almost never did, the anger was wearing off and the guilt was setting in. Guilt, he decided, was his weakness. He had a bad habit of berating himself after the fact, and it didn't always end well. That's not to say it always ended badly. He did sometimes find it to be an advantage. It made him extremely forgiving, which could be a very good quality to have. It made him a bit of a doormat at times, at least in the eyes of some. But he knew exactly what he was doing each and every time, never making a decision to forgive someone without first thinking it through. And now, as he sought solace on the roof, the guilt was setting in. He shouldn't have yelled at her, perhaps, even if she did deserve it just a little bit. But she was still recovering and he may have gotten more carried away than he intended.

He sighed heavily, rubbing his eyes. It was all so confusing. It was just a mess. If Roy Montgomery actually was alive, then where the hell had he been for the last two years? A million questions followed once he allowed himself to think on that first one. Where had Roy been? What had he been doing? If it hadn't been Roy in the hangar, at what point did they last see or speak to the real Roy Montgomery? Whom had been in the cars that had pulled up as he pulled Kate away, out behind the building? Where did Jordan Shaw fit into any of it? why had they told Kate now? Who were the people Kate was in danger of?

After taking some time to himself, Rick was not any closer to the answers than he'd been when he'd first come up here. He was simply farther from Kate, and he knew he needed to talk it out with her. Neither of them were running this time, and they had to work it out. So he sighed again and turned, making his way back down to the living room. He made it to the stairs that led to the lower level of his house before he heard her. She was sobbing, and it sounded more like she was in pain than sad. He quickened his pace and then stopped suddenly about halfway down the stairs, stunned. And, after a few seconds in which he stood, frozen, he jolted into action. Kate was lying on the floor near the steps, curled into a ball and crying. He mentally kicked himself for walking away; he should've known she would try something unsafe, she was far too determined and stubborn not to.

"Kate," he murmured, kneeling next to her. She jumped slightly, having not yet noticed him, and then looked up at him through a haze of pain as he gently brushed the hair off of her face.

"Castle," she sobbed. "I'm sorry."

"Shh," he soothed. "I know. I know. I'm sorry, too. Did you try to walk by yourself?" he asked. She nodded.

"I was trying to come after you," she admitted in a whisper, seemingly very embarrased by that fact.

"Okay. I'm sorry I walked away and out of earshot," he said.

"Rick, I was just trying to keep you safe," she cried.

"I know you were, sweetheart," he assured her. Gently, so as not to hurt her too much, he lifted her into his lap, cradling her close to him, mindful of her shoulder and leg. She buried her face into the crook of his neck, and he ran a gentle hand up and down her spine.

"I don't know what to do, Castle," she said. "I wanted to have you there, but I was scared that you would get hurt, and now...now you know, but I haven't heard from any of them, and I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"Shh. I know," he said. "I know. It's okay. We're going to get there, alright?"

"Aren't you still mad?" she asked. He shook his head.

"No. I'm too sad to be mad," he replied. "And I love you. You know I can't stay mad at you, Kate Beckett," he teased lightly, and she found herself so grateful for him in that moment, for his lightness and his love.

"I love you, too, Rick," she murmured. "And I'm sorry."

"I am, too, Kate," he sighed.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: This chapter is a little short, and kind of a filler, but either way I hope you enjoy it! :)**

* * *

Roy Montgomery was more than a little bit nervous. He hadn't been back to New York since the day he had supposedly died and was actually smuggled out of New York by some of the top Agents in the country. Now, he found himself on the streets of his city for the first time in over two years, and it was more than overwhelming. Every corner he turned, he expected to see Evelyn. She was on his mind constantly, along with the kids. He missed them all with a fierce ache, every single day. Being back in New York was a flood of memories, and it all broke his heart all over again. He couldn't help but wish it had all gone down differently, that he'd never been a part of it from the beginning. Even all that aside, he was nervous enough just at the prospect of facing the family he was on his way to visit. In the crisp autumn air, he found himself wondering if 'visit' was even the term. When a man you believed to be dead resurfaces and shows up at your door, is it really a visit? The word sounded so docile, a sharp contrast to what he was doing. Seeing Kate in that basement had been bad enough, but seeing Castle and possible Martha and Alexis as well? He didn't even want to think about it, even as he approached the loft. The elevator ride up was torturously slow and impossibly quick at the same time. And then the red door to Castle's loft loomed large before him, and Roy swallowed hard, preparing himself for what he was about to do.

"Rick?"

He turned to see Kate smiling slightly at him, her green hazel eyes sparkling. In the five weeks since her accident, so much had changed between the two of them. With everything out in the open, it had been an interesting transition. Before, news like Kate had given him would've resulted in immediate action. They would've been out there, doing something, right away. But with Beckett still recovering, and not likely to be one hundred percent back where she had been for several months, going out there and doing anything wasn't exactly an option. Oddly, Kate also seemed content not to do much just then. They'd made a few calls, but hadn't come up with much, and had decided to hold off telling the boys, not permanently, but just until they could actually do something proactive instead of just sit and debate the issue. It'd been an odd time for Castle. He wasn't used to this version of her, the one that adapted easily and was fine with just being safe, as opposed to doing something dangerous. For now, she was safe, and surprisingly, she was completely okay with that. So while he'd expected the environment to be constantly tense following the news Kate had shared, it had been strangely calm. There were times, of course, during which they discussed what they should do at some point, steps that would need to be taken. But most of the time, the loft was as it had been, and as Kate improved, they spent more and more time together doing shockingly normal family things.

"Kate?" he replied with a smile.

"Are you aware of what happens on November seventeenth?" she asked. He turned away to hide his smile. The seventeenth was only three weeks out, and Castle was more than well aware of what that meant. However, he knew immediately that he should, at first anyway, play it cool. He turned back to her, drying his hands on a dishtowel, which he then flung over his shoulder.

"What happens then?" he asked, going for smooth and nonchalant. She stared at him.

"You know what happens then," she retorted. He shrugged.

"What?" he asked. She fixed him with her Beckett glare, the one that used to wither him. Now, though, he was used to it.

"That look has no effect on me," he said stubbornly, but when she continued to glare at him, he bit his lip.

"Okay, maybe it still scares me a teeny tiny bit," he admitted. Castle smiled at her.

"And you, Katherine Beckett, know for a fact that I know what November seventeenth is," he said. She nodded.

"I do know that you know," she said. "You better know when my birthday is." He laughed, taking her hand.

"Of course I know when your birthday is. If I didn't know when my muse's birthday is, I would be a very sad writer," he teased. She slapped him lightly.

"I will hurt you, Richard Castle," she threatened. He grinned.

"Go ahead, Beckett, break both my legs," he taunted. She shook her head.

"Just wait till I can walk again," she grumbled.

"I got it!" Alexis called as the buzzer sounded through the loft.

"Thank you," Castle and Beckett called back to her in unison. They, along with Martha, resumed their conversation, a lively one regarding the production Martha's acting school was putting on. It was a moment before they all realized Alexis had gone to the door, but hadn't returned, nor had anyone entered the loft.

"Alexis?" Castle called. He took a step out of the room, and into sight of the door. The sight that met him caused his breath to catch in his throat.

"Kate," he managed to call. Something in his voice must've alerted her to the fact that all was not as it should've been, because she came into the hall with the aid of her crutches and then stopped beside him, her face pale.

"Darlings, what's going on?" Martha called out. "Why are you all in he-" She trailed off as she flanked Castle on his other side, her gaze landing on the tall black man standing just outside the door.

"Alexis, come here," Castle said sofly, noticing immediately the tears streaming down his daughter's face. Alexis didn't need to be told twice, turning from the open door without a second thought and colliding with her dad's chest. He held her close as they all stood facing the man Rick had thought he'd never see again.

"What the hell are you doing here, Roy?" Kate demanded.

"I'm here to help."


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Well, this is another short-ish one, but it's one of my personal favorite chapters! I love how this story just sort of has a mind of its own, it's really carrying me along with very little effort! I've had such an outpouring of response here, and I can't thank you enough! Keep those reviews coming, they really do make my day. Also, in case anyone happens to be interested, just barely two weeks until Aidan gets home! *screaming internally* Okay, here we go. Here's your dose of badass KBex! :)**

* * *

"What is going on?"

Martha, not surprisingly, was the first to demand answers.

"Martha, maybe you and Alexis should both sit down and then we can explain," Kate suggested.

"Explain?" Martha echoed shrilly. "You want to explain?"

"Yes," Castle replied calmly.

"Maybe we should decide what to do about Montgomery first," Beckett said, gesturing toward the man still standing politely in the hall. At once, they all turned to look at him, four sets of eyes attempting to burn through his armor and see the truth behind the mask, to see what had happened and, perhaps more importantly, why.

"Well, come in," Castle said. None of them had ever heard him sound so ungracious when inviting someone into his home, not that anyone present could really blame him for his tone. Roy stepped over the threshold and shut the door behind him. Rick, meanwhile, had let go of Alexis, who immediately took a seat with her Grandmother on one corner of the sectional. Castle was assisting Kate, who was pretty good with her crutches, but still had trouble safely navigating corners. Once the four of them were seated, they all stared at Montgomery, who still stood.

"Are you going to sit?" Martha inquired. Roy looked startled by her question, but nodded nonetheless, slowly lowering himself to the couch.

"It's good to see you, Castle," he said quietly. Rick narrowed his eyes at him.

"Don't," he said in a low voice. "Don't give me the pleasantries and small talk. Save it." Roy nodded slowly, accepting the anger that was being thrown at him, knowing he deserved it.

"You were going to explain?" Martha asked pointedly. Castle and Beckett looked first at one another, and then back to Martha and Alexis with a nod.

"There was no job in DC," Kate began.

* * *

By the end of the story, Martha and Alexis were sitting in stunned silence, not sure what to say or even how to go about saying anything.

"So here I am," Roy said.

"Yeah, why exactly are you here?" Castle asked.

"I'm here because they know where you are."

"They?" Kate echoed.

"Who?" Rick wanted to know, and Kate felt his arm tighten around her waist, where it had been resting for the duration of the time they'd been sitting there. Kate reached for his hand with her good arm, squeezing lightly, hoping to reassure him, but also to reassure herself. Roy sighed heavily, scrubbing his hand over his face.

"The men who were coming after you, the reason we pulled you out of New York, Kate, they know you're here. They know you're back in New York, and they know you're with Castle. And they won't hold off forever," he said. "You're not safe here. I have to take you back to DC with me, I'm sorry."

"Hell no," Castle responded quickly, his tone sharp. His grip on Kate had tightened again, and she found it much more endearing now than she would've at any other point in their relationship. Just then, she wanted someone to cling to her, to fight for her, to refuse to let her go.

"No," Rick reiterated when Roy opened his mouth to speak again. "You're not...you have no right, Montgomery. No right. And you are not taking her anywhere."

"Kate," Roy began, turning his eyes on the brunette who was snuggled into Castle's side. She shook her head.

"No. I'm not going anywhere. You're not pulling me away from him again," she said firmly. "I made a mistake when I trusted you, Roy. I was clinging to an image that I had of you, and it was a mistake to do so." She straightened up as she spoke, her eyes lighting up with a fire unique to Kate Beckett, and though she stayed seated, and Castle's arm around her kept its position, she seemed taller, larger, more imposing. Stronger.

"Beckett," he tried again.

"Absolutely not," she declared. "I don't know what you thought you could say, sir, but nothing is going to change my mind. I let you pull us apart once, and I shouldn't have. I won't let it happen again."

"Kate, we have to fight," he said, and for the first time, she saw a flash of anger in his eyes. "We have to fight, and that means keeping our loved ones safe!"

"No," she replied. "Just because you can leave your one and done, and Rebecca, and Mary, and Evan,doesn't mean that I'm willing to do the same," she told him. His eyes dimmed at the mention of his children and his wife.

"Kate, this is not a choice!" he said. "You don't get to pick how this goes. You love them, you want to keep them safe, you do what you have to do." She just shook her head.

"You don't understand, do you?" she said. "I thought you of all people would, but you don't." She seemed to marvel at the thought, as if it had never occurred to her before this very moment. She stared at him, meeting the eyes of the man who had found her once, alone after hours in the records room, poring over her mother's case file, determined to bring justice to the one victim that had started the whole thing to begin with. The reason that Kate Beckett was who she was. But not anymore. She stared at him, Castle's hand in hers, that fire blazing in her green-hazel eyes, and she echoed his words from what now seemed to be a different world.

"This is my spot, Roy," she said softly. "This is where I stand. Not apart from the people I love. With them. Beside them. I found my spot, I found what's really worth fighting for. And it's not my mother, or my job, or my history. It's this. It's what I have right here. And it's what I could have in the future. The potential for greatness, the possibility of a family, of a baby, the...prospect of spending the rest of my life right here with the people in this room. With the love of my life, and with two amazing women who were able to put the well-being of their family before what they wanted. That's my spot. And if you honestly believe that I'm going to up and leave all this behind, you've lost more than just your life, sir. You've lost your mind. I have it all right here. And yes, my life is in danger. And yes, that has to be addressed and dealt with. But not like this. Not by tearing my life apart again. And not, under any circumstances, by shutting out the man who has been by my side through all of it. The man who is my partner, my best friend, and the love of my life. Not to mention the man who you know for a fact lives every moment by the standards of a damn fine cop. Shield and dress blues or otherwise."


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Some fluff/slightly hot stuff for you...I was in that kind of a mood. By the way, as I said, I'm sixteen, and this is the sexiest scene I've ever published, so feedback would be nice. Unless it sucks. In which case...well, constructive criticism is still nice. :) Also, thanks to my advisory board of sorts, who helped me flesh out some thoughts. You guys rock :)**

* * *

"You ready for this?"

Rick had to admit, he was a little on edge. Not because he didn't think Kate was ready to do it, but because he wasn't sure he was ready to let her out of his sight. At all.

"Yeah, I want to get back to normal," she replied.

"Right, but I mean, it's kind of intense," he hedged. She looked at him, her eyes appraising him.

"Castle, I was shot in the chest, remember?" she asked.

'Vividly," he mumbled.

"I think I know what physical therapy means," she said. He frowned, and she simply smiled knowingly.

"This isn't really about where I'm going, is it?" she inquired, and he shook his head.

"No, more about that you're going anywhere at all," he sighed, flopping down in his office chair. Kate leaned against one of her crutches, watching him. She understood where he was coming from. After all, her life was technically at stake. But on the other hand, she knew better than to think she was going out without a tail. It had taken her all of five seconds to spot the unmarked sitting on the street outside the loft. Six weeks after the accident that wasn't, the car had been there every hour of every day since she'd been home.

"Rick," she looked up at her. "Would it make you feel better if you came with me?"

He visibly brightened at the thought.

"Yes." He sounded so confident about it, that Kate had to laugh as she checked her watch.

"Okay then, Writer Boy, let's go, or we're going to be late." He attempted to feign distaste at the nickname, correcting her immediately with mutterings that sounded faintly like, "It's not Writer Boy, I'm a man, Kate. Writer Man." Kate, as she had become very adept at doing, ignored him.

* * *

"Oh god, my shoulder is killing me," Beckett groaned. Castle smiled sympathetically as he helped her into the loft.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Ugh."

"You want some dinner?" he inquired.

"No."

"Okay, something to drink?" he tried.

"No."

"Read a book?"

"No, Castle."

"Movie?"

"No."

"Do you want to go to sleep?" he asked.

"No."

He sat down next to her, watching her with understanding eyes.

"What do you want?" he asked gently. She turned and met his eyes.

"Honestly?" she asked. He nodded affirmatively.

"I want to take a bubble bath, but I can't because I still have this stupid thing on my leg," she said, indicating the brace that was on her broken leg. Much to Kate's surprise, Castle's whole face lit up at her words.

"Stay right here," he said, already up and running.

"Where was I gonna go?" she called after him.

* * *

When Castle returned ten minutes later, it was to find Kate, predictably, sitting exactly where he'd left her.

"Come on," he encouraged.

"Why?" Kate asked suspiciously.

"Kate, seriously," he said excitedly. "Trust me. I bought this toy and I've never been able to use it, and this is the perfect use for it." Kate eyed him, hesitant.

"Rick, I don't have the best experience with your toys," she said.

"What do you mean?" he asked innocently, and Beckett rolled her eyes.

"Need I remind you of the little spy robot thing that has a camera and you used it to spy on me while I was changing?" she asked.

"Okay, you totally got your retribution for that," he reminded her. "Rise of The Machines? And while I was sleeping, Beckett!" She grinned at the reminder. "It was funny."

"So not funny."

"Seriously, though, Castle, what is this new toy of yours?" she asked.

"Well, I bought it when I broke my leg skiing, but since my cast was removable, I never got to use it, which was a real disappointment because it's really kind of cool."

"What is it?" she asked.

"A Limb Bubble." His eyes were positively shining with excitement.

"A Limb Bubble?" she repeated, sounding skeptical. He nodded.

"Yes. It's a plastic case that effectively keeps water off of your leg, designed to be compatible with exactly the kind of cast you have." She stared at him.

"So, if I use his contraption of yours, I can take a bath?" she asked for clarification.

"Yes."

"And you're absolutely certain that it works?" she said.

"Positive."

* * *

"Wow. Castle, I never thought I'd say this, but your toy is a life saver." Kate was leaning against the back of the tub, surrounded by lavender bubbles, her hair pulled back, out of the water. He chuckled lightly.

"I can't believe you managed to get in there safely without help," he marveled, a note of disappointment buried in his tone. She smiled slightly.

"Well, believe it," she said. "I'm a very determined person," she reminded him.

"This is quite true," he agreed.

"Thank you," she said after a moment of silence.

"For what?" he asked.

"For this," she replied. "It was really nice of you."

"It's no problem," he said dismissively.

"Well, still. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

They sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Oh, hey," he said. "I wasn't even thinking, sorry. If you want me to go, I can," he offered. "You don't get a ton of alone time around here, so if you want to be alone, it's fine."

Kate found herself shaking her head. It was unlike her. She was an introvert by nature, and normally craved that time alone. But lately? Not so much.

"No, you're good. Unless you have something to do, you're welcome to stay." He smiled, even though her eyes were closed and she couldn't see it.

"Nothing to do," he said softly. "I'll stay where I am."

* * *

"Kate?"

She was awakened by a soft voice and opened her eyes to see Castle's blue ones staring back at her, looking a bit amused.

"Maybe it's time to get out," he suggested. She groaned lightly and he smiled.

"Need help?" he asked softly. She opened her mouth to say no, and then caught a glimpse of his face, and in an instant, heard herself saying yes instead.

So, as the water drained from the tub, the two of them went about maneuvering the "Limb Bubble", along with Kate, out of it. By the time they got it off, the water had drained, and the candles Castle had lit earlier were flickering, dimmed from their time lighting the room. Rick reached for a towel and then turned back to Kate. It made no sense, what happened next. He'd just turned away for a second, had just been looking at her not even a minute ago. How, in that length of time, did she somehow become so much more stunning? Sure, there was a cast, and she looked so shy, trying to find ways to cover up scars that she found repulsive. But to him? She was a vision, standing completely bare in his bathroom, sweet-smelling bubbles sliding off her smooth skin, her tousled chestnut waves pulled free of their binding elastic, tumbling to her shoulders in a way that was familiar to him, a way that so screamed Kate Beckett, even in its normalcy. She stunned him, and her scars were merely testaments to her strength and her story, an element of Kate that he had always found appealing. With her shy glance at him, he tried to contain the hunger that he knew was pouring from every fiber of him at the sight of the woman he loved standing before him in all her glory. But even so, he couldn't help but feast his eyes upon the sight that was Kate, with her slight curves and slick skin, her scars, the way the bubbles clung to her and droplets of water ran in rivulets from between her breast down to her navel, as though their paths had been cleared and lined and paved just for them. The way the light cast shadows on her, the way goosebumps had erupted on her skin. How all of this which had once been so familiar to him was now suddenly seeming so incredibly, monumentally new.

"Wow." His voice was rough.

"Stupid scars," she muttered, apparently oblivious to his attraction.

"No, no, no," he said quickly, taking a step forward so that he was standing within inches of her. "Not stupid scars, Kate," he said gently. "Beautiful, wonderful, incredible, extraordinary scars." He turned her face up to his, so that their eyes met, and he could feel the heat radiating off of her body.

"Beautiful, wonderful, incredible, extraordinary woman," he whispered reverently. She looked up at him, his breath warm on her skin, the smell of cinnamon and clean laundry and Castle accosting her with him so close. Filling her, attacking her in the best way possible.

"God, you're stunning," he breathed. She laughed.

"I'm a mess." He nodded.

"A beautiful, amazing disaster. A total mess. But my mess," he murmured.

"Rick," she breathed.

"I love you."

"I love you, too, but we can't. We can't. Not yet. I can't do this yet, Castle." He nodded, understanding.

"I know that. But before, with Roy, you said...a future, a family. Did you mean it?" he asked. She nodded.

"Every word," she promised. "But I can't dive in until I'm safe. I'm not taking birth control, Rick, and I...I honestly don't want to. But I can't have a baby until I know my family is safe."

"You want a baby?" he asked, a note of wonder in his voice.

"Yes. And soon." He smiled at her.

"Very soon, Kate. Very, very soon."

* * *

 **A/N: additionally, Limb Bubbles don't exist. I made them up, because it sounded like something that Castle would own for one reason or another. :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Well, sorry for the delay in updating! I was doing community service work, a mission project with a bunch of middle-schoolers (the joys of life). But anyway, here's chapter seventeen, and thank you guys for being so amazing and helping me work toward 50,000 words by being the wonderful readers you are. :)**

* * *

"They're here."

Kate smiled from her place at the bar in the kitchen at Rick's announcement. She couldn't temper her slight excitement. After all, her boys were here, and contrary to what she was going to tell them, she's missed the two of them. She turned and smiled at the boys as they entered the loft.

"Hey, guys," she said.

"Hey, Beckett," they replied together, and Kate grinned at Castle.

"Some things never change, I guess," she said. He shrugged his shoulders, smiling at her.

Once Ryan and Esposito were settled and the small talk was over with, they looked at one another, this immediate family finding themselves together again, united against the world. They'd already been filled in on the big picture.

"So, Roy was here?" Ryan asked.

Castle and Beckett nodded.

"He was," she began. "But I put him in his place, so to speak, and he left."

"Put him in his place?" Esposito echoed. "How so?"

"I...told him that I wasn't going back to DC with him like he wanted me to, for starters."

"He wanted you to go back to DC with him?" Ryan asked.

"Yes," Castle answered.

"Why?"

"Because," Kate began, "apparently we need to fight, and they know I'm here."

"What do you know about 'them'?" Esposito wanted to know. Kate sighed.

"Not a whole lot," she admitted. "Just that, while it does all tie back to my mom's murder, it's way more personal now. Much more about me than it is about her." Rick's hand found hers under the table, clasping his fingers around hers.

"Okay, there's only one option here," Esposito began. He was already bracing himself for her reaction, preparing for the fight he was certain Kate would put up in retaliation to the idea he was about to present to them.

"We get you guys out of the city."

"I agree," Kate said simply, looking at Rick, who nodded his head in agreement. Ryan and Esposito looked at each other, stunned.

"You-you do?" Kevin asked. Kate nodded.

"I do," she replied. "I've got my priorities in order lately, Ryan, and my job isn't number one these days." Kevin found himself nodding, understanding exactly what she meant.

"Aren't you going to want point on this?" Javi asked her, cautious of her sudden interest in her own safety. Kate shook her head.

"No, I want you guys to take the lead on this, if you're willing."

"Why?" Esposito asked. "I mean, yeah, I'm willing, but why?"

"Because I need to be around, Javi," she said quietly. "And getting in the middle of all this mess, anymore than I already am, isn't the way to do that. The best way to stay safe is to stay out of it."

"Okay," Esposito said.

"So," Castle began. "Where should we go?"

"Well, way I see it, you've got two options," Ryan said. "Kate's dad's cabin, or your place in the Hamptons." Kate and Rick looked at each other.

"We'd be taking Mother and Alexis with us as well," Rick pointed out.

"Right, and we don't have enough space for them, at least not comfortably, at my dad's cabin," she replied.

"But the Hamptons house is plenty big enough," he said.

"How's your security there?" Esposito asked.

"Excellent," Castle replied confidently. "And it can become a fortress in a few very simple steps." When they all stared at him, he raised his eyebrows.

"What?"

"I think they're thinking of the dead guy in the pool?" Kate suggested.

"Oh, that," Rick said off-handedly. "My security measures weren't in place that weekend."

"Why?" Ryan asked.

"I was staying there with a woman who sleeps with her gun not a foot away," he reminded them. "Plus, she was neither injured nor being hunted at the time. I felt pretty safe."

"Fair enough," Ryan remarked.

"Okay, so that takes care of you guys, Martha, and Alexis. Kate, I'm thinking the four of you should head up there either tonight or tomorrow night, and have your dad follow you within a couple of days." She nodded, knowing when it came to safety, he wouldn't mind coming.

"What about your family, Ryan? And Lanie?" Rick asked.

"Oh," Ryan said. "Jenny, uh, the baby's due early January."

"Well, we'd hope to have this dealt with by then," Esposito said. "As for Lanie, you'll never convince her to leave. Maybe we can get her to stay at my place, though."

"Kevin, we have plenty of space in the Hamptons if you want Jenny to come and stay with us," Rick offered. After a moment of hesitation, Ryan nodded.

"Okay," he agreed.

"So let's talk about those extra security measures," Esposito said.

* * *

"Well, at least we'll be able to enjoy the Hamptons House a bit," Castle said as he and Kate packed their things later that evening.

"Castle, it's not exactly vacation," Kate reminded him. "It's almost winter. Plus, We'll be there with your daughter, your mother, my father, and Jenny, who is pregnant. Is that really your idea of a good time?" Castle made a face.

"Well, when you put it like that..." he said. She laughed lightly.

"But the bed's super comfortable," he pointed out.

"That's true," she agreed. "And points for optimism."

"It is my strong suit," he replied.

"It won't be too bad," he murmured after a moment of silence. "It's a big house. Plus, you'll be out of that cast in a couple of weeks," he reminded her.

"I can't wait," she sighed. "We may not make it all the way to being completely safe from the bad guys before we...you know."

He laughed.

"Oh, I do know," he confirmed. "I definitely know."

* * *

"Home away from home," Castle sighed as he and Kate made their way into the master bedroom of the Hamptons house.

"Yeah," Kate said quietly. She winced as she slipped her one shoe off and sat down on the bed.

"You okay?" Castle asked.

"Yeah, just achy," she replied.

"I'm sorry," he said. "

"I'll be fine in the morning," she answered.

They were both under the blankets in minutes, and Kate slid close to him as he turned off the light. She laid her head on his chest, snuggling close to him.

"Someone's cuddly tonight," he remarked.

"I'm fighting for my life here, give me a break," she mumbled. He chuckled lightly, running his fingers through her hair.

"Rick?" she asked.

"Yeah?"

"What were you going to say?" He looked down at her, confused.

"What?" he asked. "I wasn't going to say anything." Kate shook her head.

"No, not today. On the swings the day I left. What were you going to say to me?"

Rick hesitated.

With all that had happened, he'd not given the engagement ring and the letter a whole lot of thought. They both went with him nearly everywhere though, and both had been packed into his bag for their hideout in the Hamptons.

"Kate, I..."

"What?" She could read him like an open book, after all, and could obviously hear the hesitation in his voice. "Rick, what?" she insisted.

"I'm not sure that now's really the time to tell you," he hedged.

"Why? Castle, just tell me. Please." He looked at her, half-shadowed in the dim light, her green eyes pleading with him.

"Okay," he relented. "I was going to ask you something, which I still want to ask you. So give me just one second, okay?" he said. He stood and crossed the room, kneeling to dig through his bag.

"Can you turn on the light, please?" he asked her over his shoulder.

"You need the light to ask me something?" she asked, even as she obliged, flipping the lamp switch to turn the light on. He found the small blue velvet box and clasped it in his palm before changing his mind. His body shielding it from Kate, he opened the box and pulled the ring out. He left the open box in the bag, the Tiffany jewelry clasped firmly in his palm.

Rick's heart was hammering. He couldn't quite believe he was about to propose to Kate Beckett, in his pajamas, when they'd just left New York to hide out from people who wanted to kill her.

However, he had to admit, it was rather _Caskett_ of them.

"Rick, what's going on?" she asked. '

"Kate, I need you to hear me out, okay?" he began, and when she nodded, he took her hand before falling to one knee beside the bed.

"Katherine Houghton Beckett," he began, "I love you. After everything we've been through, and maybe partly because of it, I love you. You're so...well,extraordinary, and I can't imagine my life without you. All the craziness, all the pain and fear and horror you've brought to my life, all of it is outweighed a hundred fold by the good. The love, the kindness, the 've made me the man I am today, took an immature man-child who was admittedly a but of a womanizer sometimes, and you turned him into this. An immature man-child who loves more fiercely than you know, who is strong and smart. You made me a better man, Kate, you taught me to be more than I was. I have immeasurable faith in you, and in us, and I want you to know that there is very, very little I wouldn't do for you. You...you complete me. I bought this ring the day after the freezer incident, and I've kept it with me ever since, knowing that someday, I would ask you this question. So, Kate, will you marry me?"


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews! I love them. Also, for those of you that may or may not be interested in my personal life, I'm going to the airport to pick up my not-exactly-boyfriend on Friday, after not seeing him for five weeks. Or speaking to him at all, because camp doesn't allow phones because they suck. Okay, sorry, you guys don't really care. :)**

* * *

"I...Castle," Kate breathed.

"I love you," he repeated. "I just...I love you, Kate, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Marry me."

Kate's eyes met his and she nodded, pressing a hand over her mouth against the tears that rose to her eyes.

"Yes," she managed. "Yes, of course I'll marry you."

He beamed at her, sliding the ring onto her left hand, the diamonds glittering in the half-light. And then he climbed onto the mattress, his mouth on hers in a heated kiss that left her completely breathless. When he pulled away, it was only so that he could pull her into his arms, to cradle her to him and revel in the feeling that they were _engaged_.

"You...you were going to ask me, on the swings that day?" she began quietly, timidly, as if she were afraid to ask, to ruin the moment. He nodded his head affirmatively.

"I was," he confirmed. "I was done carrying the ring around. I was ready to go the extra mile with you."

Kate felt her heart constrict.

She'd done this. She could've been engaged back in May, could've spent her summer with him in New York instead of alone and miserable in DC. She could be halfway to her wedding by now, have a dress and a guest list and a venue, even. She could've been wearing this _stunning_ ring for months now, instead of minutes.

"What?" Castle asked, sounding apprehensive. "Are you okay?"

Kate shook her head, burying her face in the crook of his neck.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"I could've had it all, Castle. I could've had everything with you, so long ago, and I...I was so stupid, Rick. I gave up my whole world for...for I don't even know what." Her breath caught, and she bit back tears. "I'm so sorry. God, Castle, I'm sorry."

"Hey, hey," he soothed. "Kate, sweetheart, look at me." She raised her eyes to meet his, and he smiled gently, cradling her cheek in his palm.

"Beckett, it's all over now," he said. "It's okay. Maybe, if we'd done this sooner, we would've been amazing. But maybe we would've crashed and burned, and maybe then I wouldn't have you now. And I wouldn't trade it for the world. Not a minute of it. It's in the past. What's done is done, and I love you more than you know, so...let's just be happy, okay?"

Kate nodded her head, and looked down at the ring, the diamonds glittering in the light. She couldn't help the smile that crept onto her face, gracing her features as it lit up her eyes.

"It's beautiful," she said.

"Yeah?" Castle asked, grinning as he ran his hand along her back. "You like it?"

"I love it," she corrected, leaning up to kiss him softly.

"I love you, Richard Castle," she mumbled.

"I love you, too, Kate Beckett."

* * *

"Good morning, darlings!" Martha sang as Kate hobbled and Rick walked behind her into the kitchen the next morning.

"Good morning, Martha," Kate said with a bright smile. "How did you sleep?" she asked cheerfully.

"Fine," Martha replied slowly.

"That's great," Beckett replied.

"You're awfully... _chipper_ for someone whose life is in danger," Martha said.

"Mother," Castle chastised, but Kate just laughed as Martha shrugged in Rick's direction.

"Well," Kate began as she deliberately laid her hand on the countertop. "I had a really good night."

Martha's face registered shock and hesitant delight as she caught sight of the glittering jewelry.

"I-are you?-did you?" she sputtered. Rick wrapped an arm around Kate's shoulders loosely and Kate leaned lazily into him, her loose curls brushing against his skin as she laid her head back against his shoulder.

"I finally put that ring to good use and proposed to Kate last night," Castle said, smiling warmly down at his fiancee.

"And I said yes," Kate finished for him. Martha squealed, loudly enough to cause Alexis' loud footsteps to approach on the stairs within seconds. Her long red hair lifted behind her as she raced into the kitchen, skidding to a stop as she collided with the island and looked around. Her eyes were wild as she impatiently brushed her hair away from her face.

"What's wrong?" she asked breathlessly. "Is everyone okay?"

"Everyone is perfect," Kate said quietly. "Alexis, can I talk to you alone for a moment?" Rick stared at Kate, and she offered him a gentle smile.

"Okay," Alexis said slowly. Kate disentangled herself from Castle and led Alexis out onto the deck, sliding the glass door shut behind her. She turned to face the young woman and smiled. Kate couldn't help but think of the first time she'd met Alexis, back when she'd waited in line for Rick to sign her copy of _In A Hail of Bullets_.

* * *

 _"Hi."_

 _Kate looked down to see a child of roughly seven years old, with flaming red hair and bright blue eyes, dressed in a pink and white dress that clashed horribly with her hair but was somehow completely adorable._

 _"Hi," Kate replied cautiously. She'd sort of always had a soft spot for kids, and this one was...well, really cute. And also unaccompanied. Kate crouched down on eye level with the little girl, smiling softly. "What's your name?"_

 _"Alexis Harper Castle," she replied. "What's yours?" Kate immediately realized that this adorable little girl was Richard Castle's daughter, but smiled at her anyway._

 _"Katherine Houghton Beckett," she said. "But people always call me Kate." Alexis smiled._

 _"You seem very nice, Kate," she said. "My Daddy is signing books, so as long as I stay inside, I'm allowed to walk around and talk to people. Since there's security guards and stuff, nobody can steal me." She regarded Kate appraisingly, cocking her head sideways. "But I don't think you would steal me." Kate laughed._

 _"I wouldn't steal you," she agreed. "That would be mean. Plus it would probably make your Daddy worry." Alexis nodded._

 _"He would," she agreed. "But," she added with a shrug, "He worries anyway. He says that's just cause he's my Daddy, and that's what Daddies do."_

* * *

Now, Kate looked at the woman who stood beside her, leaning against the rail, and she found it difficult to reconcile this beauty with the adorable little girl she'd met so long ago, in a bookstore.

"You know," Kate began, "I met you once, a long time ago, when I went to get my book signed by your dad." Alexis shot her a surprised glance.

"Really?" she asked. Kate nodded affirmatively.

"Yeah. You were...probably six or seven, I guess. I was waiting in line and you just came up to me and started chatting. You were...so full of light. I guess I needed that at the time, and it was so good to see it." She turned to face Alexis, and smiled at her.

"I want you to know that I appreciate everything you've done for me, Alexis," she said quietly. "I know it hasn't been easy. Had it been me, I never would've found the strength or the maturity to accept someone into my life after everything...but you did. And I'm so grateful." Alexis nodded slowly.

"I like you, Kate," she said. "I always have. And yes, I was...furious with you for what you did to my dad. But I know now that...you make him happy. And I want him to be happy."

"So do I," Kate said softly. "Alexis, I brought you out here because your dad proposed to me last night." Kate waited anxiously for Alexis to respond, bracing herself for anger or surprise. But Alexis just laughed, shaking her head.

"It's about time."


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Sorry this one is kind of short, but my four-year-old nephew is staying with us and Auntie Cassie is his favorite, so it's kind of hard to write. :) For those of you interested, if any of you are, Aidan got in last night, and I successfully surprised him at the airport, which was pretty awesome. He tends to beat me in everything (at least to hear him tell it) so I totally won last night.**

 **Also, a note to guest reviewer Michael...You could always log in and I'll be happy to tell you the rest of the "creepily interesting stpry of the author's almost-boyfriend" :)**

* * *

"Jenny?"  
Kevin Ryan knocked lightly on the bathroom door, calling out to his wife.

"Jenny, sweetheart, are you ready?"

"Almost."

Kevin sighed. Her voice was thick, and he wished desperately that they didn't have to do this. Not once, but this would make the fourth time. He gently pushed the door open and stepped inside. Jenny was leaning against the vanity counter, her hair shielding her face. Kevin came to stand in front of her, his hand coming up to brush the strands of blond silk back from her face.

"Jenny, I promise you, it's going to be okay," he said softly.

"Kevin, what if something happens?" she asked fearfully. "What if you get hurt? Or what if they come after Kate in the Hamptons and get past the security measures and I get hurt? What if the baby gets hurt?"

"Jenny," he began.

"Or, or, what if I go into labor and you're not there? I don't want to have the baby without you," she cried.

"Jenny, come here," he murmured, reaching out to pull her into his arms. He held her close, gently running his hand through her hair. "Sweetheart, it's going to be fine. It's going to be okay. The security at Castle's place is top-notch, and you'll be perfectly safe. I promise. And we're hoping to have this all dealt with by the time your due date gets here." Jenny buried her face into his chest.

"I want you to be there." she murmured.

"I know," he said. "I know, and I want to be there. But the more important thing is keeping you and Baby Ryan safe, okay?" Jenny nodded and pulled back, swiping the tears from her cheeks.

"Okay," she said, nodding her head. "Let's go."

Castle answered the door when Kevin and Jenny arrived at the Hamptons House. He smiled at them, welcoming the pair into the house.

"Hey," Kate called from where she was sitting in the living room.

"Hey, Beckett," Ryan replied.

"Hi, Kate," Jenny chimed in.

"Come and have a seat," Kate invited. Ryan found himself struck by how at home the woman seemed here. She seemed to have no qualms about it, as if it had been home to her all along. As if she belonged there. On second thought, though, maybe she really did belong there. He and Jenny joined the two of them on the sectional and they made small talk for a while. Then suddenly, Jenny seemed to notice something.

"Oh my god, Kate," she gasped. "Is that an engagement ring?" Ryan looked between Kate and his wife. Kate nodded shyly, extending her hand so that Jenny could see the ring.

"It's gorgeous," Jenny said. She smiled at Castle. "Nice job, Rick." Castle grinned at her.

"Thanks."

"Damn it," Kevin said, his tone somewhat forlorn.

"What?" Kate asked.

"I lost the pool."

* * *

"Rick, you know what tomorrow is, right?"

He couldn't help but laugh at her question.

"Kate, of course I know what tomorrow is," he said. "Tomorrow is your birthday."

"Are we going to do anything?" she wanted to know.

"Actually, I was kind of thinking maybe we should wait until the weekend," he replied. She turned her head to look at him.

"Why?"

"Because by the weekend, that cast will be off and we can celebrate a little more actively," he replied suggestively. She laughed.

"Actively?" she repeated. "Be a little more obvious, Rick." He shrugged.

"Okay," he agreed. "Then we can have sex for your birthday." She couldn't help but laugh.

"I love how you just assume I'm good with that plan," she said.

"Oh, like you're not?" he said. "I know better than that, Kate Beckett." She sighed contentedly as she settled back into his chest.

"I love you, Castle." He looked down at her, unable to keep the smile from his face.

"I love you, too, Beckett."

* * *

"Kate."

She woke up to find him whispering her name, the sweet aroma of coffee filling the room, mixing with the salty scent of the ocean breezes that were drifting in through the open French doors.

"Mmm," she murmured, turning her face into the pillow.

"Good morning, birthday girl," he whispered.

"Good morning," she replied sleepily.

"Brought you coffee."

"I smell that," she said. She moved to sit up, leaning back against the headboard. She smiled at him and he leaned in, capturing her lips in a gentle kiss. Kate sometimes thought that those were her favorite kinds of kisses; the soft, gentle ones that made her feel warm and loved and treasured. She reached for her coffee and he handed it to her before joining her on the bed, sitting next to her.

"So, do you feel any different being a year older?" he asked.

"Well, not yet," she said.

"Not yet?" he repeated. She smiled coyly.

"It's not celebration day yet, is it?" she replied in explanation. He grinned at her.

"No, it's not. But," he continued, "I do have a present for you." She raised her eyebrows at him in question.

"You do?" He nodded affirmatively.

"I do," he confirmed.

"What is it?" Kate asked.

"A present." She slapped him lightly across the chest and he laughed.

"Castle, seriously, what is it?" she inquired.

"Someone needs lessons in patience," he sang, and she rolled her eyes at him. He grinned.

"Okay, so you want it now?" he asked.

"Duh." And then he was gone, having leapt from the bed and raced off to retrieve whatever gift he'd planned to give her. He returned seconds later, bearing a small box wrapped in gold paper. looking immensely proud of himself, he handed it to her. She slowly unwrapped the paper and then opened the box. She stared at the small object that rested inside and then looked back to him, an expression of wonder on her face.

"Castle," she breathed.

"I just thought," he began, but she cut him off mid-explanation.

"No, no, Rick," she said, leaning forward to cradle his cheek in her palm. "Don't. This is...wonderful. Thank you so much."

"You really like it?" he asked. She smiled at him.

"I love it, Castle. This means the world to me." He smiled brightly.

"I'm glad," he said softly.

"And it's not even celebration day yet," she mumbled, barely getting the words out before he silenced her...in the best possible way.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: I know, I'm behind on updating, I'm sorry. Trouble in paradise...:/**

 **Anywho, enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

"They're off the grid."

He turned slowly.

"Off the grid?" he repeated. He surveyed the men standing before him, all of them fearful. As they should be, if you ask him. He watched them all, carefully, and with icy disdain for their humanity. To him, they were merely pawns; nothing of value, meant to be sacrificed, molded into shape for the sole purpose of being used in the worst possible way. They were not real to him in any sense of the word. They were necessary pieces to the puzzle, just not ones he particularly cared about. The corner pieces of the jigsaw puzzle, which, if taken away, wouldn't really affect the picture, but which, when present, give the whole thing a finished appearance.

"Yes, sir," one of them answered, the bravado in his demeanor challenged by the hint of fear that slipped in between the notes of his voice.

He flashed through all the possibilities in his mind of the things he wished he could do to them. The torture, the pain, the terror he could inflict on them all, for their utter uselessness. And then? Then, he turned so that he was no longer facing the objects of his disgust, and he sighed, sounding more disappointed than angry.

"Find them."

* * *

"Happy Birthday, Kate," Castle said quietly once he'd stopped trying to make explanations in the event that she didn't like the gift.

"Thank you, Castle," she said. "It's beautiful." She looked down at the white gold bracelet that clung to her wrist, the metal molded into a cuff with a parade of diamond elephants marching around the circumference, their long trucks thrown up in what could be construed to be either indifference or joy, depending on the mood of the beholder. Then, she turned her gaze back to Castle, smiling at him. "I love it."

"I'm glad," he replied. "I thought you would." She smiled, amazed yet again by this man. Castle had always had a way of affecting her that no one else seemed to have. He could bring her up out of even the darkest days with a simple gesture, maybe not even something he'd intentionally done to cheer her up, but simply something he'd done because he was Castle, and it was in his nature to be thoughtful and kind, considerate of others and selfless. He may be childish at times, but when it came down the wire, he would always put the people he loved before himself. She wondered what she'd done to end up so lucky. She'd been given a man who loved her enough to look past all of her many mistakes and love her anyway. And not only that, but to love her with such ferocity, despite it all. She couldn't help but wonder at times why she'd been allowed to have him. What she'd done to deserve having such an incredible person in her life. She leaned up and pressed her lips quickly to his, tasting coffee in the kiss, and then pulled back to smile at him.

"Hungry?" he asked. She nodded her head affirmatively.

"I am, yes," she replied.

"Good, because I just have to run and get our breakfast," he said.

"Get it?" she asked.

"Yes," he replied. "And you better not get up Katherine Beckett. I mean it," he called over his shoulder at her. She laughed, amused by the fact that he actually thought she'd be able to get up and get her balance by the time he returned from the kitchen anyway. He returned moments later, carrying with him a breakfast tray outfitted by enough food to feed her breakfast for a week at least.

"Rick," she laughed.

"What?" he asked defensively.

"Do you think you have enough food there?" He glanced down at the tray, and seemed to contemplate her question before looking back to her.

"Probably," he said. Kate laughed.

"Well, come on then," she said, gesturing toward the open indentation in the bed where he'd been sleeping at some point the night before. "I can't eat it all by myself."

"You better not," he replied. "I want some of these waffles."

* * *

"Happy Birthday, Katherine!" Martha sang as she placed a cupcake in front of Kate with a flourish. Kate smiled up at the older woman as she squeezed Rick's hand under the table.

"Thank you, Martha," she said.

"Mother, quick question, before I allow my fiancee to eat that, where did you get it?"

"Richard, honestly," Martha sighed dramatically. "I assure you, it is perfectly safe," she said.

"Seriously, Grams, did you bake that?" Alexis asked. Martha rolled her eyes, looking so much like Beckett that Castle had to laugh.

"Of course I didn't _bake_ it, Alexis," she answered. "When on earth would I have had the time for that?" They all laughed and Martha, clearly done with that conversation, flung her arms out theatrically and began to lead them in a chorus of _Happy Birthday_ , which, by the end of, they were all laughing so hard that breathing was becoming difficult, let alone singing.

"Happy Birthday, Beckett," Alexis laughed. "Fair warning, this is how all your future birthdays will go."

"Get out while you can, darling," Martha teased. "Before you get in too deep."

Kate made eye contact with Castle, her green eyes sparkling in a way he hadn't seen in a while.

"Pretty sure I got in too deep a long time ago, Martha," she said, never breaking eye contact with Rick.

"Aaaand that's our cue to leave," Alexis said, laughter in her tone as she stood up.

"What?" Castle asked, all innocence.

"Like you don't realize you two were doing that eyesex thing," Alexis said.

" _Eyesex_?" Castle choked.

"You forget I spent quite a bit of time with Lanie," Alexis reminded him. Kate laughed. They may joke about it, make light of the whole thing, but Kate _was_ in deep, and she knew it. The thing was, she was okay with it. More than okay, actually. She was happy to be in deep with him. She couldn't have been happier to think of spending every birthday for the rest of her life just like this, with all of them and their kids, maybe even grandkids several decades down the road. She could see her whole life laid out before her, and the picture painted there was a very, very pretty one.

* * *

"Today was wonderful, Rick," Kate said as they settled into bed later that night. He smiled.

"It's not even celebration day yet," he reminded her, but she shook her head.

"I can't imagine anything much better than today," she said. He appraised her, seemingly surprised, although she could tell he was faking it.

"Here I was, thinking you were high maintenance," he said. "No more fancy things for you." She swatted him lightly on the chest and he laughed.

"Really though, did you have a good birthday?" he asked. She nodded as she curled into his shoulder.

"The best," she yawned.

"I'm glad," he replied. "You ready to get that cast off tomorrow?" She looked at him with an expression that clearly asked for his level of sanity, seriousness, or both.

"So ready," she groaned. "I hate this damn thing." He pressed a kiss to her neck, making her shiver slightly.

"I'm pretty excited, too," he murmured in a low voice.

"Mmm," she hummed. "I bet you are."

"Are you still off birth control?" he asked bblatantly. She turned her head, the moment broken by his utter bluntness.

"Yes," she answered slowly. "I told you, I won't go on it again," she said. "Is that a problem for you, because I thought we talked about this."

"No, no, Kate,we did talk about it," he said. "And I don't have a problem with it, not at all. I just waswondering if you're actually serious about the whbaby thing." She met his eyes.

'Honestly, Rick, I am," she said. "I mean, I know it's kind of soon and we're not married, which...well, it's...we don't do anything the traditional way anyhow."

"That's true,"he chuckled.

"So, yes. I want a baby with you, and I don't want to wait." He smiled at her, reaching out to brush a strand of her hair behind her ear. He studied her, his blue eyes seeing more than what the average person could see when they looked at Kate Beckett.

"I want a baby with you, too. Kate," he said softly. "Regardless of how backwards we do the steps."


	21. Chapter 22

**A/N: Again, so sorry for the super long wait. I started school this week (Junior Year, yay!) and since the blog post went viral, I have had major writer's block. So, also, if this chapter is lackluster, I apologize for that. I'm just hoping this writer's block passes soon, because I really want to finish this ficathon thing. We'll see. Thanks for the support though. I love you.**

* * *

"Hey, Ryan, come here for a second."

Kevin looked up. It had been Tory who called for him, so he stood from his desk and walked across the hallway and into Tory's tech space. Idly, he realized her area didn't really have a name. He wondered if it could really be labeled an office, or maybe a lab of some sort. Maybe he should ask her.

"What's up?" he asked instead, and Tory motioned to screen in front of them. Ryan looked, and saw a stilled image featuring several men in dark suits. If he had to guess, Kevin would've said right off the bat that they were government agents of some sort, but he recognized none of them.

"Who are they?" he asked Tory, who impatiently flicked her hair out of her eyes.

"They're FBI agents," she began, and Kevin couldn't help the internal momentary pride at the fact that he'd spotted them immediately. "And," she continued, "they were spotted lingering outside Beckett's apartment in DC."

"Really?" Ryan asked. "When?"

"They've been seen there several times in the last few days," Tory answered. "It may be coincidence, but..."

"No, no," Ryan said quickly. "You were right to mention it. Run them, okay?" he told her. "See what you can come up with," Tory nodded.

"Okay."

* * *

"Guess what today is," Rick announced once everyone was seated at the table for breakfast.

"What?" Alexis asked.

"Celebration Day!"

"Celebration day?" Jenny echoed. Rick nodded enthusiastically.

"Yep. Since Kate was still in a cast earlier this week when it was her birthday, I decided to wait and celebrate her birthday today, when she wouldn't have to worry about the cast."

"Makes sense," Jim said. "So what's on the docket for celebration day?"

"A trip to the beach is first, of course," Castle replied. They all exchanged a glance, but it was Alexis who spoke up, bringing to attention what all of them were thinking.

"Dad, you do know it's winter?" she said. He stared at her.

"Yes, Alexis," he began with a tone to his voice that very clearly expressed the fact that what he was saying should've been obvious to them. "I am well aware that it's _winter_."

"Well…" Martha began. "It's somewhat cold out." Castle rolled his eyes and Kate hid her laughter behind her hand.

"Yes, Mother, I also know that it's somewhat cold out," he explained somewhat impatiently.

"It doesn't have to be warm to enjoy the seemingly endless expanse of cool water rolling perpetually into the shore, and fruitlessly looking for signs of England."

Kate couldn't help but smile at the over-dramatic assessment of a walk down to the beach.

"It's a good idea, Castle," she said.

"Thank you, Beckett," Castle replied.

"Alright, so we'll go to the beach," Jim said. "But I think maybe we should have breakfast first, shouldn't we?" Castle's eyes widened comically at Jim's mention of breakfast.

"Oh!" he exclaimed. "Breakfast! Right!" He spun on his heel and had to grab the counter to keep from falling. Kate kept herself from meeting the eyes of anyone at the table, knowing if she did she wouldn't be able to contain her laughter.

"Alexis and I made breakfast a little while ago," he began. "And we made extra special pancakes for the birthday girl."

"I hope 'extra special' doesn't involve marshmallows or graham crackers," Kate said.

"Of course not," Castle replied. "I wouldn't do that to you." He pulled the pan of pancakes that had been warming from the oven, and Alexis stood up to help him distribute them. They passed out pancakes to everyone at the table, saving Kate's for last. And then, with a candle for his nose, she was presented with chocolate chip pancakes that formed a smiley face. She smiled down at the meal, and then back at her fiance.

"Go ahead and blow that out, Katherine, before Richard changes his mind," Martha urged. "I finally managed to convince him you don't need singing to." Kate grinned and quickly blew the candle out with a puff of breath.

"What did you wish for?" Jenny asked. Kate shot her a smile.

"Can't say," she said. "Don't want to ruin the magic." She stole a glance at Rick, who was watching her with an expression that displayed a mix of love and reverence that made her want to do things that she shouldn't even be thinking about in present company. She just smiled at him instead, knowing exactly what he was thinking.

* * *

"Okay, is everyone ready?"

Castle was practically oozing excitement as he prepared to lead the charge out of the house and down to the beach. He received murmurs of consent and agreement from the others, and took Kate's hand as they headed down to the water. Kate was wrapped in one of his sweaters, looking far more adorable than he thought should be allowed, and she held tight to his hand as they made their way over the lawn and into the soft sand. The chatter of the others behind them faded into white noise as he watched her. She stood there, her chestnut waves blowing in the cold wind. Her hair had grown out some since he'd first seen her in the DC hospital, slowly reaching its previous length. Castle thought back to when he'd first met Kate Beckett, the hard boiled homicide detective with the short auburn hair and high-necked shirts. The woman with all the walls imaginable and then some, with no cracks in that facade of hers. She didn't put up with his nonsense back then, always annoyed by his antics and never willing to let loose. A guarded woman with a broken past. He'd been so determined to get past all that, knowing instinctively that the woman she presented to the world was not the real Kate Beckett.

And now?

Now, standing right next to him, was the woman he'd known was there all along. When he looked at her now, he saw all the moments in the past few years rolled together, flashing one right after the other in his mind, from the moments when he'd thought all was lost, when he was sure it was all over, to those victorious moments in which everything had seemed right in the world, and everything in between. Some may have said that this version of Kate was a different woman than the one he had met that night at his book release. But as for Rick, he knew better. Because he'd seen this version a long time ago, hidden somewhere in the put-together picture she painted for everyone else. He'd known this beautiful mess was somewhere buried in all of that, and it had become what drove him, the desire to uncover it and expose that raw, beautiful mess that he knew Kate Beckett really was.

There was a certain sense of satisfaction and victory that came with seeing her like this now. Stripped of the walls that he'd brought down, agonizingly, little by little. This was the Kate he'd known he could find, and to know that his perseverance in the matter had brought this out of her made him proud. It made all those little lost battles worth it to find himself winning the war. To top it all off, Rick Castle couldn't imagine a better reward for his victory than his ring on Kate Beckett's finger, his jacket around her shoulders, her thin frame tucked into his side, her fingers intertwined with his.

"Castle?" she asked.

"Hmm?" She looked up at him with a small smile on her face.

"I'm glad you showed up in DC," she said softly. He pressed his lips to her temple.

"I'm glad I did, too."

* * *

They stayed on the beach for a few minutes and then headed back up to the house once the chill began to set in.

"So what's next?" Kate asked as they shrugged out of their coats in the mud room.

"Next," he announced, "is up to you." Kate stared at him.

"Really?" she asked. Castle nodded affirmatively.

"Yes, really," he confirmed. "It's your celebration day, you pick what we do."

* * *

And that was how they ended up playing intense Team Scrabble. Kate, Alexis, and Jim against Rick, Martha, and Jenny.

"Ha!" Kate called out after a while of quiet playing. She spun the board to face the other team, displaying her newly played word, which was "oxazepam", built on one existing letter, and spanned across two triple word scores, with the 'z' on a double letter. With the added bonus of her fifty-point addition for using all of her letter tiles, she ended up with three hundred and seventy two points. Rick stared at the board for a long silent moment.

"Seriously?" he asked. Kate smiled proudly at him, leaning back as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Seriously," she confirmed. He simply sighed as he tossed his remaining tiles in the air. Kate just laughed.

The doorbell rang later that day, and Kate opened it to see Ryan and Esposito, accompanied by Lanie, all three of them looking far more somber than Kate would've liked.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"We have some bad news, Beckett," Esposito said. "Can we come in?"

Silently, Beckett moved aside, Celebration Day and all of its joy already seeming a distant memory.


	22. Chapter 23

**A/N: I am only a week into junior year and I half love it, half am ready for it to be over. Although having access to the college campus is a bonus :)**

 **Ready for some drama? Cause I've got plenty here. All will make sense eventually...I hope.**

* * *

"Kate?"

She couldn't quite find the words to call back to Castle, just waited for him to come to her. A moment later, he did, appearing in the entrance hall with a kitchen towel slung over his shoulder, a casual reminder of how simple and normal their day had been only a few minutes ago.

"Kate?" he repeated, looking between her and the others.

"Castle," Esposito said.

"What's going on?" Castle asked.

"We think we know who's behind all this," Ryan said gravely. Right about that time, Jenny came into the room. Seeing Kevin, she wasted no time interrupting them to hug and kiss him.

"Hey, sweetheart," he said, holding her close. In light of this new information, Kevin held her closer than he normally would have done otherwise.

"How are you?" he asked her quietly.

"I'm okay," she replied.

"And baby?" he inquired, brushing his fingers along her side. She smiled slightly and nodded.

"We're okay."

* * *

"So, you said you think you know who's behind it?" Kate began. They were gathered in the study just the boys, Lanie, Castle and Beckett. Esposito nodded his head in affirmation, still looking somber.

"I don't understand," Castle expressed, shaking his head.

"Why is this a bad thing?"

"Because the person behind it is no stranger," Javi told them.

"So who is it? Jerry Tyson? Senator Bracken?" Kate suggested. Esposito shook his head.

"No," he replied. "Will Sorenson."

His words were quick, like ripping a band-aid off, hoping that being fast would reduce the impact of the words' harshness, make them hurt less.

There was silence, the deafening kind that makes one wish for any kind of sound, just so they don't have to suffer the silence anymore. Kate felt suddenly very cold. Isolated memories raced each other around in circles through her mind, and she clung tightly to Rick's hand.

"Will Sorenson?" she repeated.

"Afraid so," Ryan replied. Kate shook her head.

"No, that-that doesn't make any sense," she said.

"Well, not at first," Javi admitted. "But once you dig a little deeper, it makes a lot more sense than you realize."

Kate found her breathing becoming shallow. She'd gone ice skating with Will and eaten sprinkle doughnuts and played house and fallen so in love with him. She'd almost moved to Boston to be with Will.

"I need some air," she choked, pulling away from Castle and turning her back on all of them in favor of heading toward the sliding glass doors that led down to the beach.

* * *

She was finding it all both very hard to believe and painfully obvious all at once, which led to an even more confused state than she'd started out with. Will had always been one of the good guys. No matter how annoying or ill-tempered he could be, not to mention the occasional chauvinistic side that presented itself. Will had never been a bad guy to her. She'd loved that man, more than a little bit. Definitely more than she'd ever felt for Tom or Josh. Will had been the last one she'd ever really loved until Castle came along. She'd thought he would be the one, her one and done. Even though it hadn't worked out, Kate never would've imagined him being on the opposite side. Aside from Castle, Will Sorenson had been the only man she had ever trusted with the darkest of her. And now?

Kate took a shuddering breath, holding back tears. She couldn't wrap her head around it. Pulling Castle's sweater snug around her shoulders, she began to slowly wander down the beach, lost in her head. The main thing on her mind was not Will, at least not specifically. It was the thing. The secret only she knew. Wrapped in her thoughts and her fears, Kate wandered farther and farther from the house, paying no attention to the dreary clouds in the distance.

* * *

"Should we go after her?"

Esposito shook his head. He knew Beckett. She was like his sister, and he knew she would want to be left alone just then.

"No," he replied. "Let her be. There's plenty of security around here, she'll be fine."

The others nodded their heads, but Castle hesitated, looking to the window, watching the waves and the clouds that were rolling in, an unsettled feeling that was impossible to ignore nagging at him.

* * *

"She's been gone for a while," Castle said about half an hour later. They'd explained the situation to the others, leaving out certain details for their own good. And now, Castle stood, biting his lip. He was worried, that nagging feeling still present and bothering him even more with every passing minute.

"I'm going to go down to the beach and check on her," he announced. No one argued, all staying silent as he grabbed his jacket and left the house. As he crested the sand dunes just past the lawn, he scanned his range of vision for Kate, and found her, about three blocks down the beach from the house, standing facing the water. He began to step in her direction, and then, spotting the figure that she couldn't see, began to run.

"Kate!" he yelled. He appeared to have startled her, and she turned just in time to see the man who was behind her. From the distance he was at, Castle couldn't tell what the object in his hand was. It was misting, and that certainly didn't help his vision to become any clearer. He screamed for her again, but it was too late. The unknown object came down, striking her across her shoulders, bringing her crumpling to a heap on the ground.

"No!" Castle yelled, but even with his fast pace, he knew he wasn't going to make it in time. He was right. He watched as Kate was lifted effortlessly by the unknown assailant and carried away, over the dunes. He kept running as the mist became rain and beat a tattoo on the sand. He stopped where the footprints were, already fading into nothingness, and stood helplessly, whatever vehicle they'd been in long gone now.

"Kate," he choked, knowing how useless it was to say her name. She couldn't hear. She was gone.

* * *

Castle dragged himself back to the house and, soaked, into the mud room. He didn't bother wiping the tears or the rain from his skin.

"Ryan! Esposito!" he called loudly. He could hear the tears in his own voice, but he couldn't have cared less. The boys came running and skidded to a stop in front of Castle.  
"She's gone," he choked. "She's gone, and I saw it happen but I was too far away. I couldn't get to her, I tried to, but I couldn't get there fast enough and they hit her, knocked her out, and took her. He did, someone, I assume Will or someone related to him, and I couldn't do anything," he rambled. "She's gone."

* * *

Kate was awake. Barely, but awake. And everything hurt.  
"Castle," she whispered.  
There was laughter. Familiar laughter, which once warmed her with its tone and melody, the softness mixed with the sharpness. But now? It was like ice, running through her and chilling her to her core.  
"Oh, Kate," Will sighed. "Castle is not here. He will not be here. You are all mine again." Kate groaned slightly, the pain radiating through her shoulders and back.  
"Will, let me go." He laughed again, moving forward, approaching the chair she was bound to, running his finger along her cheek. She turned her head, shying away from his touch.  
"Kate, honey, you wouldn't get anywhere even if I did let you go. Much nicer here than out there, anyway."  
"You're a son of a bitch, Sorenson," she spat. Will put his finger to her chin, raising her head to meet her eyes.  
"You didn't know that before now, Katie?" He clicked his tongue. "Naïve, sweet, Katherine." She narrowed her eyes at him, no longer seeing the ice skates and doughnuts.  
"Who are you?" she asked, sounding as if she'd just realized she was looking at a stranger, a monster. Will Sorenson just smiled, wickedly, a smile she'd never seen before.  
"Your worst nightmare," he whispered.

* * *

"What is going on?"  
Alexis was demanding answers. Her dad had walked into the house, soaking wet and sobbing, and without Kate.  
"What is happening?" she rephrased, her tone beyond wanting. She was not going to stop without answers.  
"Kate's gone," Esposito said. "She got grabbed."  
"What?" that was Jim. His eyes, normally kind and soft, were blazing now, with fury and something else, something deeper.  
"I'm sorry," Castle said. "I couldn't get to her. I'm so sorry."  
"We've got to find her," Ryan said. "Let's go."  
And without a word, they went.


	23. Chapter 24

**A/N: So, I think I'm starting to finally get somewhere. Still not sure how on earth I'm going to finish this in time, but I'm trying. I hope this will all make sense in the end, because I think if it works out right, it's going to be absolutely earth-shattering. That's if I can pull it all together. Let me know your thoughts. I appreciate every single review, and I know I don't always reply, but just know that I do read them all and each one is so important to me. You guys are the best. Thank you.**

* * *

"Will, I want to know why you're doing this."

Kate was attempting to inject as much authority into her voice as possible, but she wasn't sure how successful she was being at it. Her back was throbbing with the pain from the hit, and her shoulder, still not 100 percent after the car wreck, was becoming stiff from being pinned behind her.

"Kate, come on," he said. "You really don't know?"

"Humor me."

Will crouched in front of the chair so that he was level with her and met her gaze. As much as Kate wished she could just look away and not ever have to see him again, she held her resolve and maintained eye contact.

"You know, you were really easy to ply for information," he commented. "Especially since you always regarded merely as a suitor and never once thought I might be someone to be wary of."

"What are you talking about?" she asked.

"Thought you'd be smart enough to figure it all out," he continued. He had stood up from his perch and was circling her now, the same way she did when she had a suspect in the interrogation room.

"But you never did, not even when Castle was involved back in '09." Kate fought to keep control of her emotions at his mention of Castle. Will smiled slightly as he watched her twitch over the sound of her writer's name on his lips. He crouched behind her, grabbing her left hand. With her wrists bound, there was nothing she could do to keep him from pulling the Tiffany engagement ring off of her finger.

He held it between his thumb and forefinger, watching the diamonds sparkle.

"Give that back," she demanded.

"Oh, I don't think so," Will said idly, in a tone that just as easily could have been used to speak about the weather or a grocery list.

"He's very special to you, isn't he?" Will asked.

"You know damn well what he means to me, Sorenson," she said furiously.

"He let me kiss you."

"No, that was...that was years ago. We weren't even together then." Will grinned.

"He let me take you, too." Kate froze.

She could hear him in her head, yelling her name from down the beach through the mist. She could hear the panic in his voice and she thought about how worried and upset he must be now. How distraught, beating himself up for not getting to her in time.

"He didn't let you do anything," she said. Will smirked.

"But he didn't stop me, either, now did he?"

* * *

"Castle, come on, man, you know this isn't your fault, right?" Ryan said. They'd set up a makeshift murder board in Castle's study and were now all gathered together there, sorting out details and trying to trace where Kate could looked up from his hands, where he held the elephant bracelet he'd given to Kate. His eyes were rimmed with red.

"I shouldn't have let her go by herself," he said.

"Castle, you know just as well as the rest of us, Beckett is perfectly capable of holding her own, she wanted to be alone and she never would've stood for that," Esposito said.

"You don't know that!" Castle exclaimed. Esposito turned, looking at the writer. Castle couldn't help it, the anger coming through despite the logic that it wasn't any of their faults.

"You haven't been around her since the wreck!" he said. "You don't know how much she's improved, how much she struggled at first. I was here. I shouldn't have listened to you, because if I hadn't, I would've been out there with her and I could've prevented this!"

"Don't go there, Castle," Esposito said warningly. "You know this isn't your fault, and it's not mine either. I know you're upset, man, I get that. But you aren't getting anywhere like this. Sitting here, looking at that bracelet and playing it over in your head, wishing you'd done this differently or not done that?" He paused and shook his head. "It's not going to help. I've been there, and I promise you, it's doing no good for you or for Beckett. You gotta own up to it. It's happened, it's over, it's done with. Focusing on what could've been done is useless. You have to focus on what's next. What's going to get her back to you?" he asked. "Is it sitting there like you are? Or is it getting up and doing something, not shifting blame, and doing whatever you can to find her and bring her home? Which is it?"

Castle appraised him, the cool metal of the bracelet having turned warm in his palm. He wondered about that, if perhaps there was significance in the cool to warm cycle of a piece of metal. The longer he held it, the warmer it got, but it never stayed that way. If he were to put it down, the silver would turn cold again. It would be right back like it had been if he simply ignored it. How much simpler life would be if he could simply ignore something and it would return to the way it had been. He sighed and slid the bracelet into his pocket, where it was close and he could feel its weight, but not so close that it would cloud his vision. Esposito was right. Kate was not only his fiancee, but she was also his partner. And if he'd learned anything from being a consultant to the NYPD it was that you never leave your partner behind. He'd never done it before, and he wasn't going to start now.

"What do you have?" he asked.

"That's more like it," Esposito said, clapping Castle on the shoulder as they approached the murder board together.

"Sorenson is one messed-up dude," Ryan said. "Way more so than we ever realized. He's been in the mess with Bracken, so I think it's safe to assume that he's involved with this as well." Castle's heart sank. If Bracken was involved as well, they were up against so much more manpower than they'd first realized.

"So where do we go from there?" he asked.

"I think we should still focus on tracing Sorenson," Ryan replied. "Tory caught something on the surveillance tapes earlier in the week, the ones from outside Kate's place in DC. There were several guys who we were pretty sure were FBI Agents, sort of lingering out there for a couple of days, so I had Tory run them," he said. As he spoke, he was tacking their photos to the board. "All three of these guys are known to be in association with Sorenson. This one," he said, gesturing to a man with dark hair and light eyes, "is Ian Andrews, one of Will's ex-partners." He pointed out the other two as well, one of whom had white-blonde hair and blue eyes, the other with an average brown-hair, brown eyes look about him, naming them as Justin Osbourne and Robert Reynolds, two men who had been known to have worked with Will Sorenson at some point in his career.

"Are any of them tied to Bracken?" Castle asked. Esposito shook his head.

"Not that we could find," he said.

"What about Montgomery? Any connection there?" Ryan and Esposito looked at each other.

"Well, we couldn't find anything," Ryan said.

"I sense a 'but' coming," Castle replied, looking between the two of them.

"We think it's possible that there's a connection we're not seeing," Kevin offered.

"So is that priority at this point? Or is the focus more on Sorenson?" Esposito asked.

"Sorenson," Castle replied immediately. "Absolutely Sorenson. He's too much of a control freak to let her into someone else's hands. We find Sorenson, we find Kate."

* * *

"Hey, Kate, guess what?" Will said in an annoyingly singsong voice as he entered the room. Kate had, of course, taken stock of the space, but had found nothing helpful. It was gray and mostly concrete, likely a basement of some sort, but it was clean and fairly large, although she wasn't sure what the rest of the extra room could possibly be used for, since she took up a very small area. There were no windows, which wasn't exactly surprising, and the smell of the place led her to believe it was well-used. It wasn't especially musty or damp. She wished she could come up with a clue as to what the upper floor or floors held, but from her angle, she couldn't see the door through which Will kept entering and exiting. She assumed he'd known that, and that her placement in the room was far from accidental.

She didn't justify him with a response, thinking about Eleanor and wishing she'd seen it before now.

"Your friends think I'm working with Bracken on this," he told her.

"Yeah? Why's that?" she asked.

Will grinned.

"Because I am working with him. Just not for this. See, he's a really cruddy type of guy, he's got all kinds of operations running for various reasons. I knew that, so I decided to work with him before I came after you to throw everyone off. And guess what else?" he said. "It worked! They think that because they found some things that tied me to Bracken, and Bracken wants you, that I'm working with Bracken to take you down. But that's not the case at all, is it?" He smiled at her.

"You always were so smart, Kate."

"Why did you tell me about her to begin with?" Kate asked. Will's expression flashed. Not long, just enough to confirm to Kate what she'd already suspected. He'd never intended for things to get serious with her, but after he'd slipped up and told her about Ellie, it had all gone downhill. That was when the playing had begun, when he'd begun to concoct this twisted plan to cover up all the wrong he'd done by covering up the only woman who knew.

"You screwed up, didn't you?" she asked. "You never meant for me to know. And then you realized that I was smart enough to figure it out, and you panicked. That's why you took the Boston job. You knew all along I would never follow you there, didn't you?" she asked.

"I have to admit, Kate, you are right on that one," he said. "I never intended you to know about my dear Eleanor. But once you did, I couldn't let that get out. Your skills rather disappointed me, though. You let it go, even though I suspected all along that you knew. You did know, didn't you?"

"Not at first," Kate admitted. "But I did figure it out. The pieces weren't hard to put together."

Will smiled again now.

"Then why didn't you ever say anything?" he asked.

Yes, Kate thought, that was the million dollar question, wasn't it? Why hadn't she said anything?

* * *

"Sorenson has Kate."

Rachel McCord looked up at Roy Montgomery, his dark eyes scared for the life of his protege.

"What?" she asked. "How?"

"He grabbed her from the beach," Roy explained. "Damn it, I should've known. I should've known that Ryan and Esposito would piece it together."

"They know?" Rachel asked. Roy nodded. "How?" she asked again.

"You'd have to know them. I thought I did, and I underestimated them," he growled. "Stupid move. They figured out that it was Will because of the Agents on the DC apartment, they figured out that their common connection was Sorenson, and then they came across Bracken, just like we did."

"You could've told me that they were that good," Rachel chastised him. Roy sighed, thinking about the boys.

"I wish I had remembered," he whispered.

"This complicates things by a lot, you realize that, right?" Rachel said.

"Of course I do, Rachel," he said. "We need to reach out to them."

"Are you insane?" she asked. "Montgomery, we're working under the radar here, risking my job, the jobs of some of my best Agents, not to mention running the risk of it getting out that you're not dead."

"Rachel, these are my people!" Montgomery exclaimed. "These men, Kate Beckett, they are my family. They mean more to me than you seem to realize and he has her. He has the one person who put everything together, while Kevin, Javier, and Rick are operating under the assumption that Will is working with Bracken. That's a dangerous game they're playing. They could all be killed, and I'm not letting that happen. I have made some major mistakes in my life, but trusting that team was never one of them. I'm not about to start screwing that up now. We're telling them. Now."


	24. Chapter 25

**A/N: Okay. So I think I've got it figured out. I'm going to be honest here, this is the first story I've ever done with a storyline that involved a criminal or a conspiracy or a case of any sort, really, so I'm struggling more than I thought I would. If it doesn't work out quite right, or it doesn't make sense, I'm really sorry, but I'm doing the best I can. Thank you so much for your support.**

* * *

"What is going on?"

Jordan Shaw had never been one of the quiet ones, and now was definitely no exception. Her voice rang out loud and clear through the cavernous space. Roy and Rachel turned from their argument to look at her. The unofficial "boss" of the whole ordeal, Jordan was just the person to settle this.

"Jordan," Montgomery said crisply. "Just the woman I need." Jordan narrowed her eyes at him.

"What's going on?" she repeated.

"Roy wants to tell them," Rachel said immediately.

"Yes, but he has Kate," Roy said right away, not wanting Jordan to make any decisions without knowing the full story, without hearing his side.

"Sorenson has Kate and she knows, and the boys and Rick, they're assuming Sorenson's working with Bracken. Jordan, you know them, you have to understand that they'll do anything to get her back. That will be very dangerous if they don't have all the information."

"Roy, stop," Jordan said. "I already know all of this, and I've already decided. Everything's set up, let's go."

"Jordan, are we actually going to tell them everything we've spent months keeping hidden? Years, even?" Rachel's voice was incredulous.

"Yes," Jordan said simply.

"Why?" McCord sputtered. Jordan Shaw shrugged her shoulders and flicked her hair over her shoulder.

"You don't know this family," she said. "You don't understand. It's time."

She turned then, leaving them to follow her.

* * *

"So, if this is all about Eleanor, why get Roy involved?" Kate asked. She wasn't sure what exactly Will was leading up to with all this, but she was hoping that, if she could keep him talking, she could delay it long enough to give Rick and the boys enough time to find her.

"Oh, I didn't," Will replied off-handedly. "I knew he was involved with Bracken's op, but I didn't mess with that. I just let it work out in my favor."

"How is Roy?" he asked.

"Go to hell," she spat back at him. He grinned.

"You know I will," he replied. "That's what happens to cop killers, right?"

"Why come after me now?" she inquired. Will had always been a conversationalist, especially when he was the focus.

"You knew about her."

"It's been years," Kate said. "And I've never said anything I should have, but I didn't," she added.

"Why didn't you, anyway?" he asked her.

"I never had any proof," she admitted. "Just my instinct." Kate cured herself for that decision. She'd been so caught up in her mother's murder that her suspicions about Sorenson had never been at the forefront of her mind. What had happened to Eleanor Evans-Sorenson could have, after all, been exactly what it had appeared to be.

"I got an update from my people," Will told her. "Castle's working very hard to find you."

"Don't touch him, Will," Kate said. "Don't you dare hurt any of them."

"I only want to hurt you, Kate," Will said. "But if hurting him is what will hurt you, well…" he shrugged his shoulders. "That could be arranged." Kate lunged at him, but, because she was tied to the chair, it did no good. Will, angered by her outburst, swung his hand through the air, striking her temple with his knuckles, the ring he wore leaving behind a nasty gash.

"Keep that temper in check, Kate," he said softly. "Gonna get you hurt."

* * *

Castle's phone rang, and he picked it up mindlessly.

"Castle."

"Rick, it's Jordan Shaw." That got his attention. He frantically motioned for Ryan and Esposito, who came over to him immediately, joining him by his desk as he put his phone on speaker.

"Jordan," he replied. "What the hell is she into?"

"We're on our way to you now," Agent Shaw replied. "We'll be there in ten minutes. Be sure your security knows we're clear. "You damn well better have answers," Rick said angrily as he hung up.

True to her word, Jordan Shaw arrived ten minutes later, accompanied by Roy and Rachel.

"What's he doing here?" Javi asked right away.

"Tame that temper, Detective," Jordan said. "He's vital."

"Do you know where Kate is?" Castle asked her.

"Not yet. But we do know more of the story, the parts you don't have."

"Start talking," Ryan said.

"First things first," Jordan replied. "We've been running this op since before Johanna was killed. It's been hell. That's where Roy comes in. He was our mole all along, infiltrating NYPD to get at Kate, in an effort to bring down Bracken. When things started to get hot, we had to pull him. But they would've killed Kate, which is why you had to get her out of the hangar that night."

"Wait, so Roy, you've been FBI all along?" Ryan said. Montgomery nodded as Esposito made a scoffing sound.

"The switch went down fine," Jordan continues. "But you guys kept getting closer and closer to Bracken, and that was dangerous. That's why we pulled Kate out of New York."

"I don't understand," Castle said. "Where does Sorenson come into play?"

"We didn't know about him until after Kate's accident. That was when we made the connection between Sorenson and Bracken. So we assumed they were working together to go after Kate."

"You assumed?" Ryan repeated. "Were you wrong?"

"Yes," Jordan replied with a nod. "We dug deeper into Sorenson, and it turns out that, while he is working with Bracken on some of the smaller ops, he's not related to the operation that's tracking Kate."

"But we found out all the evidence that points to Sorenson," Esposito said.

"Right," Jordan replied. "And you were right. Sorenson faked us out. Get us focusing on his ties to Bracken while he was working independently right under us."

"So you're saying Bracken isn't involved in this?" Castle asked for clarification.

"That's right."

"So why is Sorenson after her if it's nothing to do with Bracken?" Castle asked. They all looked around at one another, no one quite sure how to answer that question.

* * *

Castle was looking for any information he could find on Will Sorenson. Keeping himself busy with the search kept thoughts of where Kate was just then at bay. He'd been staring at the computer screen for hours, reading through countless irrelevant articles. His eyes were becoming tired, his vision blurry. When he closed his eyes, it burned and stung as moisture attempted to return to them. He sighed, rubbing his hand over his face. Pulling the elephant bracelet out of his pocket, he allowed the cool metal to rest in his palm. He allowed himself to think about Kate, to remember how happy she'd been only just this morning. He thought back to the night earlier in the week,when they had made love for the first time in months. He thought back to the night after her shooting, remembering the anguish of that period in their relationship. But then he recalled the night they'd first made love. That, he decided, was a much better memory.

 _"Kate," he said, pulling back from her reluctantly. She let out a shuddering breath against his skin._

 _"Castle, please," she begged._

 _"No, hey," he panted. "Hold on."_

 _"Why?" Her green eyes met his blue ones, pleading with him to stop talking and just do. "Do you not want to?"_

 _"Of course I do," he said, brushing a strand of wet hair off of her face, his thumb caressing her cheek. "You know I do. But you're hurt, and I want to make sure you're okay first." She stared at him._

 _"How did you know that?" she asked._

 _"I heard it, when I pushed you against the door. The sound you made, you were in pain," he replied. His eyes were soft in their concern for her, and it melted her. He was always so selfless and so caring, always putting her first, and she loved him for it._

 _"Come on," he said quietly, taking her hand and leading her farther into the loft, where there was more light. He turned back to face her. "Are you okay?" he asked. She nodded._

 _"Yeah. I've taken worse," she said._

 _"Can I see?" he asked, and when she hesitated, he squeezed her hand gently. "Please, Kate?" he begged. "I need to know you're okay." She finally nodded in acquiescence, unbuttoning her shirt slowly before she let it slide from her shoulders. She turned so that he could see, and she heard the quickly stifled gasp that threatened to take leave from his mouth. She felt his fingers hesitate over the bruises and angry welts that had already begun to bloom across her shoulders and back._

 _"Go ahead," she said quietly. "You can touch, Castle."_

 _"Are-are you sure?" he asked. "I don't want to hurt you." She turned around again so that she was facing him._

 _"You won't," she said fiercely._

 _"How do you know?" he asked her, his voice quiet, a hint of shame lacing his tone._

 _"Because you're you," she replied. "You have never done anything to hurt me, Castle. I know better than to think you're going to start now. I trust you. If it makes you feel better to see and touch, if that helps you to know that I'm okay, then go ahead." He hung his head, and she stared at him, confused._

 _"What's wrong?" she asked._

 _"I left," he whispered. "I left and I should've been there."_

 _"Castle," she admonished. "Hey. Look at me." He raised his head._

 _"It's not your fault. It's not. I was stupid. I was reckless, and I shouldn't have been. That rooftop was not where I needed to be. I should've been at Alexis' graduation with you, and I wasn't because I let this consume me. I let it take over what should be the most important thing to me. What is the most important thing to me now."_

 _"And that is?" he asked. She smiled softly._

 _"You."_

Castle slid the bracelet back into his pocket, and turned back to the screen. The headline of an article from 2005 caught his attention.

 **Eleanor Evans-Sorenson, Wife of FBI Agent, Commits Suicide**

Wife? Castle clicked on it, and skimmed the article. Will and Eleanor, met in '03, married in 2004. Eleanor hadn't lasted a year into their marriage. She'd committed suicide with a gun. Castle immediately had an off feeling about that. Women very rarely committed suicide with a gun. It had been her husband's standard issue weapon, too.

"Hey, guys," Castle called. "I think I've got something."

* * *

"Damn it," Will muttered. "Damn it." He turned away from the computer screen, his footsteps heavy, his heart pounding, as he made his way through the building, toward the stairs that would take him to where Kate was.

She heard him coming, a sickening feeling overtaking her. She could tell by the speed of his steps, the haste and weight with which he was moving; he was angry. Very angry, and that meant nothing good for her. Her head was throbbing already from the blow earlier, and her shoulders were aching as well. She could feel the drying blood on her temple. She thought of Castle, willing him to find her. She knew he would, it was just about when. And, perhaps most importantly, when would be too late.

Will rounded the corner, fury in his features. He didn't say anything, simply walked over to her and brought his fist down, colliding with her side. She gasped in pain as the breath was knocked out of her. He proceeded to punch her again, this time right between her shoulderblades, sending pain radiating down her back. She fought not to cry out, biting her lip so hard that she could taste the metallic blood in her mouth. He reached up and yanked her hair then, and she couldn't help but whimper in pain.

"Oh, yeah?" Will mocked. "What? Did that hurt, Kate? Huh?" He did it again, and then knocked the chair backwards. She held her head up, barely keeping it from hitting the floor, where she was certain it would have cracked. Will kicked her then, his boot making contact with her side, exactly where he'd punched her before. Kate could feel tears stinging the back of her eyes, and she closed them.

"Open your eyes!" he demanded. "Open them!"

She did, as much as it killed her to do so. She wanted to fight with him, wanted to rebel. But this wasn't just about her. She had a family to think about, a man who adored her as much as she did him, a man she wasn't willing to lose if she could help it. She had to be compliant, at least enough to try to keep Will from killing her.

"I'm going after your little friend, Kate," he said.

"No," Kate gasped through the pain. "Please don't hurt them." Will sneered at her, circling her, purposely stepping on her hair, and the coming around to kick her other side. She cried out in pain, and Will smiled.

"I'll be back."


	25. Chapter 26

**A/N: I want to say a special thank you to dkfan, who gave me the best encouragement, whether they knew it or not, and gave me exactly what I needed to continue on with this criminal storyline. Made my day. Thank you.**

 **And of course, thank you to all of you who continue to give me the strength and joy that helps me to carry on. Enjoy!**

* * *

"What do you have, Castle?" Esposito asked.

"Sorenson was married," he replied. "They only made it about six or seven months, and then his wife, Eleanor, she committed suicide."

"Okay, so?" Ryan asked.

"She used a gun," Castle replied. "How many times do women use guns to commit suicide?"

"That's true," Ryan said. "That almost never happens. So what are you thinking?"

Castle looked up at Ryan and Esposito.

"I think he killed her," he said.

"What does this have to do with Beckett, though?" Javi asked.

"I think she got close to him, I think maybe he slipped and told her about Eleanor, and he knew she was smart enough to figure it out."

"Okay," Ryan said slowly. "So what do we do now?"

Castle sighed.

"I don't know. Maybe we should reach out to Sorenson?" They were all shaking their heads before he even had half the sentence out.

"No," Jordan said. "There's no telling what he would do to her then."

"We're just going to have to find him," Rachel said.

"But how are we supposed to do that?" Esposito asked.

"You're forgetting that we know more than you guys when it comes to Sorenson," Jordan began with a small smile. "And I think I may have an idea about where they could be."

* * *

 _"Come on, Beckett, please," Castle cajoled. Kate laughed._

 _"No, Castle," she insisted, even as her smile lit her eyes._

 _"Please," he begged. "Pretty, pretty please?" He tugged on her hand like a small child and she couldn't help but laugh. He was so joyful, so childlike, in his happiness. His smile was catching, and she couldn't help but laugh._

 _The air around them was warm, the breeze lifting her hair. Her skin, tan and exposed to the salty ocean air, seemed to glow, and the expanse of blue water and white sand at his place in the Hamptons seemed to stretch on for ages. Her turquoise blue bikini left very little to his imagination._

 _"I'll just have to carry you, then," he said._

 _"What? No!" she shrieked as he lifted her off the ground._

 _"Castle!" she groaned. "You're going to get me all wet!" He laughed, the sound melodic to her ears._

 _"That's the point!" he called. She struggled against him a little, to see if she could pull away, but his hold on her was firm. He ran toward the water and tossed her down into the waves deep enough that she wouldn't get hurt. She flailed gracelessly and came up sputtering, her wavy hair now soaked and hanging from where it clung to her head._

" _Come here!" she cried out, and he ran in the opposite direction, with her chasing relentlessly after him. She caught up eventually, and he spun to face her. He grinned at her in that bright Castle way of his, and she couldn't resist smiling back at her._

" _You're evil," she said._

" _You know you love me," he teased. She smiled, rising up to kiss him gently._

" _You're right," she mumbled against his lips. "I do love you."_

* * *

Kate rose to consciousness reluctantly. The memory that had been playing through her head like a dream was so much more pleasant than reality.

She had been moved while she was out; her chair was sitting up right again now.

She was no better off now than before, and she sighed. She was hoping that they would find her soon. If Will took to using her as a punching bag again, she wasn't sure she would last. Still recovering from her wreck, she was fairly sure her body wouldn't be able to handle much more trauma. She told herself that they would find her. They would. They always did. She could sit and curse herself for things she'd done or hadn't done, sure. She could've done that for days and she was fairly certain it still wouldn't be enough time to cover every mistake she'd ever made. But she knew how much good that would do; absolutely no good whatsoever. So she took a deep breath instead, leveling her thoughts. Taking a deep breath hurt, but she did anyway. She trusted Castle and the boys. They would find her, and when they did, they would get Sorenson for all his twisted and manipulative character. He would be gone from her life, and they would be able to return to Manhattan, to the loft and she would be able to go back to normal. She and Castle, together, could define the new normal. Their normal.

She would be able to plan her wedding, to find a dress and pick her flowers and choose a font for invitations.

It was thoughts of this future that kept her grounded in the time she spent bound to the chair, unable to do anything but wait.

* * *

Will Sorenson was beginning to wonder why they weren't doing anything. He'd heard nothing from the guys he had sitting on Castle's house in the Hamptons since the arrival of Shaw, McCord, and Montgomery and that had been nearly six hours ago now. Within a little while, dusk would fade into darkness and he'd been hoping to have killed Kate by then. He was certain her loyal writer would come for her, but so far, no luck.

What if he didn't come?

No. Will put it out of his mind. This was Castle they were talking about. He would come.

* * *

"Almost seven," Ryan muttered. "This better be it, Jordan. Kate doesn't have forever."

"It will be," Jordan replied. "Trust me."

They were on a slow approach, headed toward a beautiful Victorian home just outside of New York. It had been the home of Will and Eleanor Sorenson for the six months of their doomed marriage, preceding her apparent suicide.

Jordan had assured them all that she could say with near certainty that this was where Will would bring Kate. It had a basement, two upper floors, and was plenty secluded. They parked the van a good distance from the house, and all climbed out.

"Okay," Jordan began, "we go in slowly. Stay hidden as long as possible, stay out of sight of the windows. Stay close to the ground. It's dark and we're all dressed in black, so hopefully if we're careful, we'll make it in without being seen.

"Do you think there are more than just the two of them in the house?" Rachel asked.

"No." It was Castle who spoke. "He was the one who came onto the beach to get to her. He doesn't want to risk anyone knowing any more than they have to. He'll be alone."

"Which is good," Jordan said. "Less coverage, less people to take down. I believe this man has probably had a psychotic break. Keeping a secret like a murdered wife will wear on a person. He's delusional, convinced he's in control, and Beckett's life is in danger. We will be assuming she's here, but we do not, I repeat, do not, shoot him until we know for sure she's in this house because if she's not, he is the only man in the world who knows where she is. Are we clear?"

They all nodded and, on her nod, split off as planned. As they approached, Ryan silently pointed out the van that was parked beside the house and Castle nodded; it was the one he'd seen leaving the beach earlier. There was only one window illuminated, near the front of the house on the second level, and they were all careful to stay out of the beam of light that it cast on the ground.

Castle's heart was racing as they slowly ascended the front steps. The house had been surveyed; there was no electronic security, further evidence that Sorenson wasn't thinking like a trained Agent, but like a psychotic killer. Rachel stepped forward to pick the lock and they all moved forward, so quiet they were nearly silent. Jordan motioned Ryan and Castle to the right, Roy and Rachel to go left, while she and Esposito ascended the stairs.

Castle and Ryan cleared three rooms before coming to a door. When they opened it, they were met with stairs leading to the basement.

Rick could feel the adrenaline pumping through his body, his heart pounding fiercely. He could barely make out the feeling of the cuff bracelet in his pocket, pressing against his thigh. She could very well be at the bottom of these stairs, and he found himself both anticipating and dreading that possibility. He prayed that they weren't too late, that she was alive and not too badly hurt.

"You ready?" Ryan whispered. Castle nodded affirmatively as they moved down the stairs.

* * *

Kate could hear noise coming from above her and while she prayed fiercely that it was Castle and the boys, she opted to keep quiet just in case it wasn't.

As footsteps began to descend the stairs, Kate forced herself to take deep, albeit painful, breaths. These footsteps weren't heavy and fast like Will's had been earlier. No, these were slow and cautious; they were measured and soft. In fact, were she not listening for them very closely, she probably wouldn't have heard them at all.

' _Please be Rick,'_ she thought, closing her eyes for just a moment as she heard the careful steps reach the bottom of the staircase.

' _Please, please be Rick.'_

* * *

As they reached the last of the stairs, they found a large room, clear and, so far, empty. There was a wall just to their left, and Castle motioned to Ryan that he was about to circle around it. Ryan nodded his consent and they both began to move.

Castle moved those last couple of steps with bated breath, desperately hoping that she was okay, that she would be safely back in his arms very, very soon.

When they rounded the corner, Castle let out an audible sigh of relief. Kate, bound to her chair, looked up at them, meeting his eyes.

"Kate," he choked. She was battered and bruised, a stream of dried blood running from her temple to her cheekbone on one side. But she was alive.

"Castle," she cried. Tears welled in her eyes, as much as she tried to withhold them, and he dropped to his knees next to her.

"Hey," he murmured, already working on untying her bindings.

"Ow," she groaned as he worked on them.

"I'm sorry," he said. "Almost done."

And, seconds later, he was finished, and he had her ankles undone just a moment after that. Free of her chair, Kate just let herself fall into him. Castle rocked back off his knees and came to sit on the floor, wrapping her in his arms.

She fought tears, but they came anyway as he cradled her close to his chest.

"I'm so glad you're okay," he murmured.

"Castle," she whispered against him, and he tenderly stroked her hair.

"Yeah. I'm here. You're okay," he assured her. He kissed her crown lightly.

"I love you," he said quietly. "I love you so much, Kate."

"I love you, too, Castle."

Unbeknownst to the two of them, two floors up, Will Sorenson lay facedown on the floor of the bedroom he'd once shared with Eleanor.

His, while not the first death to occur in this room, was the first suicide.

No one in the house seemed to mind very much.


	26. Chapter 27

**A/N: Getting close to the end! I can't believe how far this story has come. Thanks to all of you who have reviewed, followed, favorited. Keep reviewing! It makes my day! Also, hurt/comfort is kind of my niche, so consider yourself warned. :)**

* * *

"Can you walk?" Rick asked her softly.

Kate nodded slightly, and allowed him to help her up off the floor. He brought his finger up to the gash on her head, touching it ever-so-lightly.

"Where else?" he asked.

"Both sides, my back, my shoulders," she listed. "I think that's the only cut, though." Castle nodded his head.

"You're okay, though?" he inquired. His blue eyes were anxious and concern for her was evident in his face. She smiled softly up at him, leaning forward to allow him to hug her, which he did gently and tenderly. She brought her head to rest on his shoulder, comforted by the sound of his heartbeat in her ears.

"I'm okay, Rick," she murmured. "I'll be okay."

* * *

They ascended the stairs slowly, having already been assured that no adversaries lie in the house. Unless, of course, you counted the one who was quite literally lying on the floor upstairs. There was an ambulance outside, paramedics waiting for Kate.

She let them fuss over her, knowing she needed to allow it, if not for her own sake, for Castle's.

Now that she was safe and Will was dead, she found herself focusing more on Castle. He was pale and he hadn't let go of her hand since they'd found her. She couldn't imagine how guilty he was feeling, having been on the beach when she was abducted. It wasn't his fault, of course, but she had no doubt he would be blaming himself nonetheless. As a paramedic finished cleaning and bandaging the cut on her head, Kate squeezed Castle's hand gently.

"Hey," she said quietly, and he looked up in question.

"You okay?" she asked him.

"Hey, I'm supposed to be asking you that, not the other way around," he chastised. She humored him with a small smile, but she wasn't about to be led off topic.

"Seriously, Rick," she insisted. "Are you okay?"

He paused, seeming to consider it.

"I will be," he replied. "You're here, you're safe. I'll be alright."

* * *

"Guys!" Alexis cried. They all looked up. Jenny had been sitting with Lanie, while Martha and Jim both sat at the kitchen table. They'd been waiting there for a couple of hours, hoping that no news meant good news. Now, it was nearly eleven and they all turned to Alexis, whose phone was in her hand.

"They've got her," Alexis announced. "They found her, and she's okay. They're on their way back here now."

A collective sigh of relief flooded the room, and their silent stretch was broken as they murmured quietly to each other.

* * *

"They're here!"

It was, again, Alexis who called out, her voice ringing through the house. By the time Kate and Rick reached the front door, they were all gathered just inside, waiting anxiously.

And when they door swung open to reveal a battered, but safe Kate, they all seemed to sigh in relief again, as if hearing it had not done as much good for them as seeing it.

Kate smiled tiredly at them.

"Hey, guys," she said. She finally let go of Castle's hand as Martha hugged her gently. The older woman studied her for a moment.

"Are you alright, darling?" she asked. "You look absolutely exhausted." Kate smiled.

"I'm okay," she replied. "Tired and sore, but I'm okay."

"Kate." Alexis said nothing more; just her name. After everything their relationship had been through, despite its rough patches, Alexis didn't need to say anything more. Kate could read it all in her voice. She pulled Alexis into a hug, and moved so that she could whisper in her ear.

"I'm okay, Alexis," she said softly. "We're all okay." Jim was waiting when she pulled away from her future stepdaughter, and she smiled softly at her dad, allowing him to envelop her in his arms.

Jim held his daughter close and took a deep breath. He'd been through this countless times; the waiting and worrying and praying she would be okay. But no matter how many times he did it, these feelings never lost their intensity. It was always just as hard, just as terrifying, to think that his daughter may not come home.

"I'm glad you're okay, Katie," he said softly. This was something that Kate loved about her dad. He never seemed to need to ask if she was okay. He always appeared to have such faith in her ability to bounce back. She pulled away, smiling at him.

"Thanks, Dad," she said

* * *

They were all hugging one another for several minutes before Montgomery tapped Kate on the shoulder. She turned to face him and was hit with a sudden onslaught of emotion. She hadn't been faced with this, not in this light. Not since Will was dead and she was safe. Now, seeing Roy wasn't so straightforward anymore.

"Hey, Kate," he said quietly.

"Hey." There was undeniable hesitance in her voice; caution he knew he undoubtedly deserved. He held his hand out, a small object resting in his palm. She stared at it for a moment, the sparkling diamond ring, and then reached out to take it. She slid her engagement ring back onto her finger, letting her eyes linger on the diamonds for a few seconds longer than was necessary, before flicking her gaze back to the man she'd once respected over anyone else.

"Thank you," she said, her voice soft. Montgomery shrugged.

"We'll be heading out soon," he replied. "I just thought I'd better return that to you first." The ghost of a smile appeared on his features. "I'm sure Castle paid a fortune for it," he added. Kate averted her eyes, turning the ring in circles around her finger.

"He bought it years ago, before you-" she broke off, shaking her head.

"I suppose you'll be going back into hiding?" she asked. She wasn't even sure why she was asking, why she wanted to know. Roy nodded.

"Yep," he sighed. He hesitated. He wasn't sure where he stood with Kate. She'd been so easy to read once. She'd been work driven, always focused on the job. Everything else came second. That had been the woman he'd been expecting to see when he saw her again. But Kate Beckett simply wasn't that woman anymore. She was different now, and Roy didn't know this version of her. He cleared his throat.

"Have you..." he began, but he didn't have to finish. Kate nodded her head.

"Spoken to Evelyn?" she filled in, knowing that had been where he was going with that. Roy nodded.

"I have," she replied. "Not about you, obviously. As much as I wish I could, I know I can't tell her." Kate paused, her gaze focused on Castle, who was conversing with Alexis on the other side of the living room.

"They're okay, Roy," she said softly. "They miss you, but they're okay."

Montgomery just nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat.

"Thank you, Kate," he said after a moment. She gave him an appraising look, wondering if this was truly the man she'd known, or if maybe this was merely a shadow of the Roy Montgomery who had lived and loved once.

"I hope you're happy with the spot you chose to make your stand," she said softly, and then she turned from him. He watched her walk away, watched her join Castle, allowing him to wrap his arm around her shoulders and press his lips to her hair, the love on Rick's face so obvious, the two of them so comfortable together.

And Roy wondered what his honest answer would've been had Kate's simple statement been a question instead.

* * *

"So, are you ready for bed or did you want to take a shower?" Castle asked. McCord, Montgomery, and Shaw had all left. Ryan and Esposito had taken Castle up on his offer to let them stay the night, and everyone in the house had gone to their rooms.

"I think I'd rather just go to bed," Kate told him. Rick nodded, but sensed there was something that Kate wasn't saying.

"What's up?" he asked her. Beckett sighed, knowing she should've expected that from him. He always had been able to read her so well. She turned to face him, reaching out for his hand. He took hers willingly, waiting for her to speak.

"Kate?"he prompted after a moment of silence. "Are you okay?"

She nodded her head, but still didn't speak. He gently raised her head so that he could see her face, his earnest blue eyes meeting hers.

"Talk to me," he pleaded. "What's wrong?"

"I don't want to sleep," she whispered. He looked at her for a moment, and then sat down beside her on the edge of the bed. He ran his hand along her back gently, not wanting to cause more pain to her sore shoulders.

"What do you mean?" he asked. She kept her gaze on the floor, her hair hanging over her face, hiding her features.

"If I sleep, I'll just have nightmares again," she admitted. Castle nodded in understanding.

"Kate, look at me," he insisted. When she hesitated to meet his eyes, he brushed her hair away from her face, tucking it tenderly behind her ear. His hand lingered, cradling her cheek in his palm, his thumb brushing lightly across her cheekbone.

"You don't have to do this alone, okay?" he said. "You don't. I'm right here. If it helps, I'll stay up. You can sleep and I'll stay awake if that's what you need. You're safe, Kate. I promise."

"But I'm not safe from myself," she said, tears beginning to well in her eyes.

"Hey," he soothed, his other hand running comfortingly along her arm. "Like I said, Kate, you're not alone. Not this time. I can't stop the nightmares. I wish I could, more than anything, but I can't. What I can do, though, is promise you I'm going to be right here when you wake up. The minute you start turning, the minute I notice anything, I promise I'll wake you up and I'll do whatever you need me to do. You aren't alone," he reiterated. "I'm not going to let anything hurt you if I can help it, Kate. I'll be right here. Promise."

She nodded, and when she blinked, tears fell from under her lashes and splashed on her skin, from where he quickly wiped them away.

"Come here," he coaxed, and she went willingly to him, allowing him to hold her. He marveled at how far they'd come, at the change in her.

"Thank you, Castle," she whispered against his skin. He smiled slightly into her hair.

"You don't have to thank me, Kate," he assured her. "That's what partners are for, right?" Now it was her turn to smile.

"You've been more than my partner for a long time, Rick."

* * *

The time on the clock read two forty-five in the morning. They'd gone to bed only about an hour and a half before, and Kate was already putting Rick's promise to the test. He was stirred from a light sleep by her quiet sounds of distress, which were followed almost immediately by her tossing and turning. He always hated these moments, the ones in which he was in the process of waking her up, while she was still visibly suffering from some unseen torture. "Kate," he called out to her quietly, running his hands through her hair. She whimpered at his touch, shying away. He tried not to let it hurt, knowing she was unaware of whom was touching her. He tried again, calling her name as he touched her cheek lovingly. She cried out, breaking away from his hold. It all happened so fast; one second, he was holding her, the next, she had swung at him, her unknowing fist making contact with his jaw. He grunted in pained surprise, the blow knocking him back from her. Despite the punch she'd just delivered to his face, her heartwrenching sobs brought him back to her side seconds later.

"Kate, wake up," he said, shaking her gently. "Kate!" Her eyes fluttered open, and she glanced around in confusion, her green eyes searching, searching, searching, before finally landing on him. Sobs wracked her body as she caught sight of him, and he gathered her up in his arms, holding her close to his chest.

"Castle," she whispered. He knew how much she hated to be vulnerable like this, knew how much it ate at her, how awful it was for her.

"Shh," he murmured. "It's okay. It's okay, Kate. I'm here. I've got you. You're okay." It was a familiar mantra, one he'd spent many nights whispering to her, soothing her and lulling her back to sleep. Tonight, though, at least by the feeling in his jaw, would be a slightly different story. He was pretty certain there would be a bruise there, and soon. There was no way it would go unnoticed by someone as observant as Kate Beckett. He knew that, as soon as she was calmed down and assured herself that she was safe, she would notice. She would know that something had happened, and he dreaded having to tell her what exactly had occurred.

"We had a baby," she mumbled.

"What?"

"A baby," she repeated. "We had a baby, and they had you and the baby and I was...I was trying to get past them, to get to you, but they were so...they were stronger than me and..." she trailed off, but he knew how the story ended. He held her close, wrapping her in his arms and stroking her hair.

"It's okay, Kate," he assured her. "Everything's okay. Just a dream." She was shaking, and he, as always, felt powerless in this fight against her subconcious.

"What if they come after our baby?" she asked in a voice so quiet it was nearly inaudible.

"Oh, Kate," he sighed. "Honey, it's going to be okay. I promise. We're going to keep our baby safe. When we have one, someday, he or she will be the safest baby on earth. We'll get a tiny bulletproof vest."

She gave a watery laugh at that, and he smiled slightly.

"It's okay," he assured her. "We're all okay."

She pulled back, swiping at her eyes, and looked up at him. As he'd predicted, she immediately seemed to notice something amiss, her eyes focusing on his face, her expression a mix of confusion and concern as her fingers came up to brush his jaw.

"Did you get hurt earlier?" she asked, mistakenly assuming she simply hadn't noticed the forming bruise earlier. He shook his head slowly, wishing he could tell her yes, to ease her mind and not put the guilt on her. But she would know. She would know right away if he lied to her. He watched it on her face, saw the pieces come together in her mind, knew she'd figured it out when she pulled her hand back quickly, as if his skin had scalded her.

"Oh, god, Castle," she breathed, horror dawning on her features as she slid back away from him. "I did that, didn't I?" He wanted so badly to tell her no. But instead, he slowly nodded his head, and watched as devastation appeared in her eyes, the thought clearly crushing her as she covered her mouth with her hand and blinked back tears. She was shaking her head, obviously beating herself up for something that wasn't her fault.

"Kate," he began, reaching out to her. She backed away farther.

"Castle, don't," she begged. "I can't..." she shook her head, unable to articulate the horror she was feeling.

"Kate, sweetheart, please," he pleaded. "Don't shut me out. It was just an accident." But Kate shook her head.

"I hurt you," she whispered. She slid off the bed, backing away slowly toward the door.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"To the guest room," she replied. "I don't want to risk hurting you again, Rick, I can't."

"Kate," he began, but by then she had already turned away, and he was left feeling, yet again, completely powerless.


	27. Chapter 28

**A/N: I'm getting so close to 50,000 words. It's like that last leg of a race when I know it's close. Thank you a million times for all the support.**

* * *

He lasted all of five minutes in the bedroom without her. He crept slowly toward the guest room, and slid down to the floor just outside the door. Castle put his head back against the wall, closing his eyes. He sat in silence, waiting, torn, not knowing what to do. He needed her close, just as much as she needed him, but how was that going to happen if she was going to be like this? He sighed quietly.

Not long after he settled onto the floor, he could hear her crying inside the room, and he hesitated, battling internally with what he should do now. It didn't take long for his promise to her to win over and he stood from the floor, turning the knob and letting himself into the guest room. He immediately realized she wasn't having a nightmare; she was curled up in a ball, facing away from the door. Her sobs were somewhat controlled and she also wasn't tossing and turning.

"Kate?" he whispered. There was a sharp intake of breath in answer, and he took a cautious step forward.

"Kate?" he said again. "Are you okay?" She just shook her head. She rolled over so that she was facing him and he knelt beside the bed, hesitantly reaching out to brush her hair out of her eyes. She let out a choked version of his name and he could almost feel his heart breaking.

"Oh, Kate," he sighed, standing from the floor and then sitting back down on the bed next to her.

"Come here," he invited softly. When she hesitated, he took her hand and repeated the words. This time, she let him take her into his arms.

"I didn't mean to, Castle," she mumbled into his skin.

"Hey, hey," he soothed. "I know. I know you didn't mean to, Kate." He held her close, rocking slowly from side to side as she cried against him.

"I'm so sorry, Rick," she whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"Hush, Kate," he said. "It's okay." She just shook her head.

"No, it's not," she argued. "I hurt you. That's not okay."

"Look at me," he demanded, pulling away to look her in the eye. His tone may have been bordering on harsh, but his touch against her cheek was unquestionably gentle.

"Katherine Beckett," he began, "I don't ever want to hear you say that again. The only way you have ever hurt me, in the years I have known and loved you, is when you walk out the door. That's when you hurt me, Kate. You can use me as a punching bag all day long if that's what you need to do. But it's when you turn around and go the other way that you hurt me. I needed you tonight, too, just as much as you needed me. The only thing that hurt was watching you leave."

There were tears in his blue eyes and Kate held his gaze.

She thought back, remembering all the times she'd walked away from him when she should've been keeping him close. She'd never thought about it that way, never considered how much he needed her. The selfishness of it made her feel sick.

She saw herself in her mind, sending him away from her hospital room, making some excuse to him about being tired, promising to call and never picking up the phone. She saw herself yelling at him when he'd just been trying to keep her safe. Heard her own voice in her head, proclaiming that this was her life, not his personal jungle gym. She could see herself turning from him, feel the bright sunlight on her skin as she ran from the swings. She could see his face in her memory, see the disappointment, the hurt, the slow progression of damage. Damage she had caused. She could hear his voice, too.

" _Kate, stay with me. Don't leave me, please."_

" _If you care about me at all, then please just don't do this."_

" _Kate, I could go-"_

" _Please, Kate, just don't shut me out."_

" _Kate!"_

She couldn't stem the tears now, and his arms around her didn't help. This gentle, tender, kind man, who was holding her close to him with all the love in the world injected into his touch, was so much more than she deserved. He always had been. From the very beginning, he had been so incredibly good to her. He'd been intolerably present from day one; always around, when she needed him as well as when she pretended she didn't. Castle was stability. Castle was safety and solace and resilience. He was the constant presence in her life, regardless of how she may treat him. She'd been awful to him. She'd been snappy and ill-tempered. She'd been angry and mean and she'd pushed him away more times than she could count. And he always came back. He always turned up when she needed him, regardless of whether or not she knew she needed him.

She'd sent him away for reopening her mother's case, and he had shown up with food and a heartfelt apology.

They'd fought and he'd still been there in that hangar, pulling her out of the danger zone even as she begged him to leave her there.

She'd sent him away from the hospital and not called for three months, yet when she'd shown up, he'd followed her to the swings, heard her out, promised to wait for her walls to come down.

She'd booted him out when he tried to keep her safe, and when she had shown up at his door, he had let her in and loved her more tenderly than she'd ever imagined.

And when she left New York, left him and all they were, he'd still been the first voice, the first comforting touch, the first face, that had been there when she woke up in the hospital.

Castle was always there. He was always around, present and forgiving. Had he not been the man he was, Kate knew she would've been in trouble. Any other man, anyone less loving and gentle than Richard Castle, wouldn't have stuck around. Anyone else would have been long gone.

"You're okay, Kate," he murmured. "Don't cry."

"Thank you, Castle," she whispered. He glanced at her quizzically.

"For what?" he inquired.

"For staying. For coming back. For always being around," she answered. Castle reached over to turn on the lamp, golden light spilling from beneath the shade to fill the room. He ran a gentle hand through her hair, his blue eyes lit with all the love he had for her.

"Kate, you don't have to thank me for that," he told her.

"No, I do," she insisted. She reached up, her fingers carding through his dark hair, her hand coming to rest on his cheek.

"I've been awful to you," she said softly. "I've been so selfish when it comes to us. I've taken you for granted a million times, and yet you're always here when I need you. You've been here for me even when I pushed you away. You've been so much more than I deserve, being patient for so much longer than anyone else could've been." He just watched her as she spoke.

"Kate," he began when she had finished. "You changed me. It's not as simple as you make it sound. It's not like you were always bad or I was always good. It's just not that black and white. You gave me something to be better for. I had Alexis, and she made me better, of course she did. But she's always been so naturally responsible, and by the time I met you, I was…" he shook his head ruefully. "I was a mess. But when you came along, it was…" he trailed off, looking for the right words.

"It was so different," he said finally. " _You_ were so different. You were this savvy, guarded, badass sort of person who I could tell had this incredible story and you turned everything around on me. You came into my life and you were like this light, this answer I'd been looking for. I wanted your story so desperately, but I knew I wasn't going to get it by acting like a...well, you know." He shrugged and smiled slightly, a hint of shame in his expression before continuing.

"I had to figure out who I really was. I had to be the real me. I knew you would never let me in otherwise. I didn't change for you, Kate. You made me who I really was. You saw through the facade and made me want to be the man I was capable of being. I never would've stuck around for anyone less amazing than you. It was never about the sex. It was never about wanting to make you a conquest. It was about being enough to be yours. I never thought I could be. I just wanted to try."

She smiled slightly at him.

"I never imagined you would do what you did," she admitted softly. "I knew there was something deeper there, but I never thought you would find that man. Until I saw it happening right in front of me. And one day, I realized, you had become the man that I had always wanted in my life and I was just waiting for something that had already happened." She took a breath and leaned her head against his shoulder.

"I spent all this time waiting for my one and done, even though he was standing right in front of me the whole time," she sighed. He pressed his lips to her crown, running his hand gently up and down her arm as she settled into his side.

"You remember when you told me you were a one-writer girl?" he asked her. She nodded.

"Yeah." He breathed a laugh against her hair, his breath warm as it covered her.

"I used to wonder if maybe that was the end goal for us," he told her. "And you know how I knew it wasn't?"

"How?"

"Because you were the only woman in the world that I would've been okay with that," he replied. "If I had stayed your partner forever, that would've been enough. And that's how I knew that we could make it farther, because whatever I could have with you would've been enough for me." She smiled slightly.

"I love you, Castle," she said.

"I love you too, Beckett."


	28. Chapter 29

**A/N: This chapter pushes _I'm Still Here_ over the 50,000 word mark, which means I have successfully met the requirements for the 2015 Hiatus Castle Ficathon. Which is mindblowing. I have so much to say, but I'll save it for the post-epilogue author's note. For now, let me just say that this is the final "normal" chapter, which will be followed very soon by an epilogue, after which I will be returning to the WIP I had going before I decided to embark on this crazy journey for the summer. Thank you all so much for your continued support, and I hope you enjoy this chapter. **

* * *

"Kate, are you alright?"

It had been almost six weeks since Will Sorenson killed himself in the old Victorian where the whole mess had begun. Six weeks since she'd been kidnapped and rescued. Six weeks since they'd returned to the loft. Since then, they'd been back to DC to get the rest of Kate's things, and she was officially moved in with Castle. It had been surprisingly easy, the cohabitation process. Christmas had come and gone, with the new year only a few days away. The future seemed bright, with that sparkly diamond ring on her hand and her books on the shelf with his.

Except for one thing.

Their first Christmas as an engaged couple was clouded by the sickness that had overtaken her. Every day for the last week had been spent, at least in part, in the bathroom. Much of that time had also been spent in bed, trying to gather the strength to do anything else. Now, Castle stood in the bathroom doorway, watching as Kate washed out her mouth, leaning over the sink after her latest bout of sickness. She glanced up at him, nodding her head. Rick took a couple of steps forward, wrapping his arms around her from behind. Once, she would've fought him, but now, she leaned back against him, meeting his eyes in the mirror in front of them. He pressed his lips to her temple.

"Can I ask you a question?" he asked delicately, his voice quiet against her. She nodded her head again and he took a breath, unsure how she would react to this one.

"Are you pregnant?"

There was stillness and he watched her face, searching for signs that would indicate her reaction to this question. She had frozen, as if the thought hadn't even entered her mind.

"Kate?" he prompted after a moment. She turned to face him.

"Castle, I hadn't even considered it," she admitted. Knowing her as he did, he squeezed her hand gently, knowing what was going through her mind.

"Kate, if you are pregnant, not thinking about it doesn't mean you'll be a bad mother," he assured her gently.

"But," she began, but he cut her off with a finger to her lips.

"Shh," he insisted. "Listen to me." She stopped trying to speak and he removed his finger.

"Kate, do you think you could be pregnant?" he asked again. She nodded her head hesitantly.

"I...think it's possible, yes," she replied, the caution in her voice characteristic of her.

"Do you want to take the test?" he asked. She hesitated only briefly before nodding. He pulled her close, kissed her gently, and then pulled away.

"I'll be right outside," he promised. "Let me know when you need me, okay?"

"Okay," Kate replied quietly. He turned to leave, but she stopped him, grabbing his hand.

"I love you," she said in reply to his questioning look. His expression softened.

"I love you, too," he replied. And then, with a small smile, he left the room.

She emerged moments later, pulling the door shut behind her.

"I don't want to watch it," she explained. He nodded, seeming to understand that, and pulled her into a hug. Just then, the buzzer sounded out through the loft. They groaned in unison, both feeling the same sense of dread at the impeccably awful timing of whomever was at the door.

When they opened it, it was to reveal Javier and Lanie, both looking flushed with excitement.

"What's going on?" Kate asked.

"It's time," Lanie squealed. "Jenny's having the baby, and Ryan sent us to get you guys." Castle and Beckett looked at one another, knowing the test would simply have to wait.

* * *

The hospital waiting room no longer seemed cold and unfeeling to Rick. No, this time, the room felt anything but. There was a tangible excitement among them all as they chattered, waiting for Ryan to emerge. There were two balloons sitting in the corner, one pink and one blue, each weighted so that they wouldn't drift away. Castle had insisted on buying two teddy bears as well. Again, one was pink and one was blue, and they seemed to be awaiting their fate, standing sentry beside the balloons.

"So what do you think?" Castle asked Kate quietly. "Boy or girl?" She smiled.

"I don't know," she admitted. "I think it doesn't really matter either way." He smiled slightly, pulling her close and kissing her head.

* * *

The doors to the waiting room opened about two hours after their arrival, revealing a tired but elated Kevin Ryan. It was Lanie who came to stand in front of him with the two balloons, one in each of her hands. Silently, beaming, Kevin reached out and took the pink balloon from her. Lanie squealed, letting go of the blue one, allowing it to drift away from them. The room was loud, filled with excited chatter and cheering, as they all took turns hugging the new dad.

"Congratulations, man," Esposito said with a laugh as he hugged his partner.

"Thanks, Javi," Ryan replied.

"I'm so happy for you, Kevin," Kate said, hugging him tightly. He beamed at her, his blue eyes bright and his smile so wide and open that she thought his face may simply split in two and he wouldn't even have noticed, let alone cared.

"Thanks," he replied, still sounding slightly breathless.

"How's Jenny?" Kate asked. Kevin smiled.

"She's good. She was such a trouper, honestly, I don't know how she did it, but she did. She did so well, and now she's so tired but she's thrilled. We both are."

"So, tell us about her," Castle said and Kevin just grinned.

"She's absolutely perfect," he answered. "She's just...oh, god, she's so beautiful, looks just like Jenny, you know, blonde hair and blue eyes and this adorable little nose," he rambled. " She weighs six pounds, nine ounces, and she's seventeen inches long. Or is it tall?" He paused, seeming to contemplate this before shaking his head and carrying on, seemingly having decided it didn't really matter. "I can't wait for you guys to meet her, which you can in just a little while," he continued. "She's just...she's perfect," he laughed.

"What's her name?" Lanie asked.

"Sarah Grace," he answered proudly. "We named her after Jenny's grandmother. I wanted to use Javier, obviously, but you know," he paused, taking a breath, "It's a girl! So Javier was out of the question, of course."

"Javier?" that was Esposito, and Ryan nodded in response.

"Yeah, of course," he replied, as if it were the most natural answer in the world. Those who knew him well could see how touched Esposito was, even as he cracked a joke about naming a white Irish kid Javier.

* * *

"Come on in," Ryan encouraged. He was carrying the pink balloon while Castle brought the teddy bear, and Esposito carried a bouquet made up of pink roses, daisies, and carnations that they'd purchased at the gift shop downstairs. Jenny smiled at them from her place on the bed, little Sarah Grace nestled in her arms.

"Hey everyone," she said softly, looking exhausted but so happy.

"Brought presents for the little one," Castle said, smiling as he placed the teddy bear on the side table.

"Thank you," Jenny said with a smile. Esposito laid the flowers next to the bear and Jenny shot him a smile as well.

"She's so beautiful," Lanie sighed, peering over Jenny's shoulder at the baby before looking up at Kate. "Come and see," she said, beckoning Kate over. Kate came willingly, looking down at the newborn. Lanie was right. She was beautiful. Kate, as a rule, wasn't as fond of babies as Lanie, and she rarely got emotional. But now, she could feel a lump rising in her throat, and she swallowed hard.

"She's gorgeous, Jenny," Kate whispered. She couldn't help but wonder if this would be her soon. She wanted a baby; that much she'd made clear already. But she hadn't even thought about it until Castle had mentioned it earlier. She'd never even considered that maybe that was why she was sick. However, when Rick had suggested it as a reason, it had all made so much sense. The sickness, the exhaustion, it all added up.

And now, seeing Kevin and Jenny with their beautiful new baby girl, Kate couldn't help but hope. She wanted a baby, she wanted to experience what Jenny was feeling, wanted Castle to be able to smile the way that Ryan was. She wanted all of that, and it was all so very close. So close she could nearly taste and feel it. She could visualize the pregnancy test that she'd left sitting on the counter, and she willed it to be blue when they returned home. She glanced at Castle, who was now holding Sarah Grace, and felt the tightness in her throat return. She wondered for the millionth time if she really was pregnant. With all of this time to wait and hope and wonder, would that make it more of a disappointment if she weren't? Watching Castle hold the new baby, she found it all too easy to picture this scene in the future, the two of them the new parents, happy and tired with this bright new phase of life before them.

* * *

"Are you ready?" Rick asked. Kate nodded her head affirmatively. She let herself into the bathroom, to which the door was still closed from earlier. Kate hesitated, taking a deep breath. There was a chance that this would be the moment that would begin a whole new chapter for them. Either way, it was going to change their lives. Regardless of the result, this would make an impact and Kate wondered if it could still be called a pregnancy scare when she was so desperately hoping it would be positive. She couldn't help but glance at the display screen as she turned to face Castle, and her breath caught at the result that was shown there.

"Kate?" Castle prompted, trying and failing not to sound nervous. When she didn't answer, he immediately pulled her close, his instinct to comfort and reassure kicking into overdrive.

"It's okay," he said softly. "It's okay, Kate, we can keep trying. This is only the first test you've ever taken." She disentangled herself from his arms, shaking her head.

"No, Castle, wait," she breathed, looking up and meeting his eyes. "It's positive," she whispered. His eyes widened almost comically.

"Positive?" he echoed, and Kate nodded vehemently, showing him the small test stick. A smile slowly spread across his face as he realized the wonderful mistake he'd made.

"You're pregnant," he said, a hint of wonder in his tone.

"I'm pregnant," she confirmed with a laugh. They simply looked at one another for several seconds and then she threw her arms around him fiercely, laughing and crying at the same time.

"We're having a baby, Kate," he laughed into her hair, and she nodded against him.

"I know. I know," she sighed. "We are. We're having a baby." He pulled back to look at her, his eyes sparkling playfully.

"Cosmo?" he asked hopefully. She didn't even have the heart to speak, just shaking her head with a smile that lit the room, before cupping his face in her hands and pulling him down to her, her kiss on his lips saying more than any words possibly could.


	29. Epilogue

**A/N: Here's this short little epilogue for you. The story has come to an end, but I do still have so much to say to you, so final author's note coming soon! Love to all of you.**

* * *

Kate looked up at Castle as he came into the room, smiling slightly at him. He smiled back at her, his eyes lit up by the happiness that came from inside. His expression was tender and gentle as he gazed at her and the sleeping baby in her arms. Only three hours old, the newest member of their family was, if you asked them, completely perfect.

Spencer Aidan Castle had bright blue eyes and dark curls and a tiny nose that Castle swore up and down was Kate's nose, but she wasn't sure if he was right or if he was just being Castle. He walked over to the two of them and leaned down to kiss her head before gently brushing his finger over Spencer's cheek.

"Hey," Kate said quietly.

"Hey," Rick replied. "How's my favorite girl?" She smiled up at him, her green eyes warm.

"I'm…" she trailed off, looking down at the newborn in her arms, his tiny hand grasping the receiving blanket that was wrapped around him. "Perfect," she finished with a small sigh, unable to turn her eyes away from her baby.

"He's so beautiful," Rick sighed, leaning over her shoulder and joining her in watching the baby boy asleep in his mother's arms.

"You did so well today, Kate," he told her quietly. She turned to smile at him, still looking exhausted. She laughed lightly, shaking her head.

"Seriously," he insisted. "I could never be as strong as you were. It was...amazing," he sighed. She laughed.

"Thanks," she replied, and he kissed her temple.

"Thank you," he insisted. "You just gave me the best gift of my life. Well," he amended, "One of the two best gifts. Alexis and Spencer," he began, taking a deep breath and shaking his head as if he couldn't quite believe he could say that now, the names of his two children. "Alexis and Spencer, and you, the three of you are the best thing that ever happened to me." His voice was thick with emotion, and Kate turned to him, smiling slightly and reaching up with one hand to brush her fingers over his cheek.

"Aw, Castle," she said softly. "Don't cry." He smiled slightly at her.

"I love you," he said.

"I love you, too," she replied. Castle brushed his fingers over Spencer's head, a tender smile on his face.

"I love this little one, too," he murmured.

"I know how you feel," she admitted. "More than life itself."

Castle smiled brightly, all traces of the tears gone as he thought about the past year. He wondered, how could anyone not believe in fate after everything that had turned in his favor with Kate.

"Always," he whispered.


	30. Author's Note

Hi everyone, Cassie here.

 _I'm Still Here_ began on May 20 of this year. So, it is only fitting to me that I should mark it complete tonight, exactly four months later.

Roughly 550 reviews, nearly 200 favorites, and close to 700 follows later, I am still stunned by this summer and this story. So much has changed in my personal life since this story began, and I feel like all of you have been on a sort of parallel path through all of that.

I'm sixteen years old, and I think if I had to describe my teenage years thus far, you all would be so much a part of it. I think teenage years are such a pivotal point, and I just thank all of you so much for being a part of mine.

This story was just one of those things that sort of came to me on a whim. I got the initial idea out of nowhere, and I had no idea what sorts of twists and turns it would write itself into, and so many of them brought about challenges I didn't expect at all. I found myself written into a corner so many times, and I found it so discouraging a lot of the time. It challenged me as a writer and the experience was nothing less than wonderful.

I want to thank you guys a million times for everything you have done for me this summer. You have provided encouragement and love and enthusiasm when I needed it, and you have been the best readers ever.

I love you all so very much. Thank you for continuing to make my day, and thank you for being here.


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